tipped uterus

Where have I been?

2008-12-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

Let’s start with an update on the kids:
William turned 6 years old. He is such a fun child and I love spending time with him. He is very concerned about animals and their well being. We got him a dog for his birthday and he takes care of it 100%. William spent the week before and the week of Thanksgiving with his dad. Every time her returns from a visit we have to start all over again with appropriate behavior. I know it is a lot for him to deal with and I will try to make his transition as easy as possible. Unfortunately, his behavior has trickled over to school and he has been getting in a little trouble. Not a lot, but it is not him. I will be going to his school this week on Tuesday and Thursday.
Little Bit is 14 months and taking steps. He doesn’t walk out right, but that is his choice. He can crawl faster than walk so he chooses to do so. I am not walking with him or pushing him to walk, it will happen when it happens. LB loves to eat! In fact, it is so much fun to watch him feed himself since he makes moaning sounds when he enjoys the food.J LB is also very attached to the people he knows and loves. Case in point, he screamed when he saw Santa! We went to court for LB Nov. 25th. Not much was done except we have another date set for May 12th. The case worker needs to get LB’s dad’s and mom’s signatures to TPR. Unfortunately, we don’t seem to be high on her priority list……just pray that she gets it done by the 12th.
Potato is 9 months old and is so sweet! She has really come into her own. She is full on crawling and getting in trouble with LB. She also loves to laugh, giggle and say dadada. P also has been clapping for the last month; it is so cuteJ Her next court date is in Feb. In fact, I need to find out exactly whenJ
As most of you know I am a running fanatic. I coach 2 XC and track teams. My high school team took third in state and my #1 runner took first in state. I have another runner who took 4th. All in all, the other 4 runners came within the top 48 in the state.
My husband and I have been very involved in trying to change the school that our son attends. Being the XC and track coaches we interact specifically with Jr. High students. Regrettably, these students have repeatedly stated for the past 3 years that the teachers were not fair and bullied them. We finally had enough and went to the administration over and over again, they did nothing. We finally had enough and sent out a bullying survey to the Jr. High parents. This caused quite the uproar. Needless to say we got everyone’s attention and after a couple of meetings with the school’s pastor, advisory board and administration things look like they are going to change. We will still need to see these changes take place before we decide to keep Liam at the school.

Things I love.....

2008-10-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

Things I love:

The weekend: I love not having a schedule, but doing as much as I can to stay busy.

My babies: They make me happy everytime I think of them.

Running: My escape, my true love, my confidence, my strength, my motivation....on and on..

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

All of your posts mean so much to me. I always carve out time in my day to read them and post messages. I also always promise to post more and I never seem to find the time or inspiration. I am going to start with Wordless Wednesdays and Things I love Thursdays. Maybe I need to set a day when I post an update, like Update Friday or something?!? We'll see.
As promised:

1st Birthday

2008-10-10T08:47:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Little Bit!!!

Almost One

2008-09-29T10:07:00.001-07:00

I finally got Little Bit’s social security number!!! He will turn 1 in 11 days. I also was told that his biological grandmother wanted another visit. I told our caseworker that I didn’t feel comfortable with another meeting until I felt there was some sort of forward progression in his case. The caseworker didn’t really say how she felt about it either way (like usual) but said that she had told the grandmother that the date she selected wouldn’t work for me and she didn’t argue or get upset.

I’m hoping that with the CASA worker that the next court date will bring a TPR date. Our CASA worker is incredible and she has done all of the research and homework to make sure that the judge is aware of Little Bit’s mother’s ability to function in the real world, and more importantly on a day to day basis(she can not). The caseworker also told me that his mother still states that she wants use to raise him and that she does not want her family to have him. I just hope that his court date isn’t moved and we can get on with it!

Potato is 7 months old. She has been very cranky lately, but so cute. I really took for granted the way I “knew” why my oldest child was acting a certain way because I knew his biological parents (his father and I). I swear it makes a difference. I still respond in the same way, but maybe my foster babies need something else?!? Maybe I needed something else as a child? Just a thought.

My husband and I have been discussing hiring a cleaning service. Today I called and hired one. I’m not even going to tell him, I am just going to wait and see his reaction tomorrow night. He just thinks that we can do it all, but I know I can’t. So if they come every other week, I think my life will be much less hectic. Now maybe I will hire a lawn service:)

More Pics....

2008-09-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

Images of my town after the hurricane

2008-09-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

Evacuated

2008-09-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

The bad news is that my poor town still has no electricity from the hurricane, and probably won't for quite awhile. The good news is that we had no damage to our house and are actually visiting with family until the situation is resolved; however long that my be:)

Not much else has been going on in my world. School started back up and I am coaching two cross country teams; one junior high and one high school. I probably run between 7-12 miles a day. I am also coaching my son's school's swim team. I know, I am crazy, but I do love being active.

The babies go to mother's day out twice a week so I will have time to volunteer at William's school. I really love his teacher this year and he is doing a great job in kindergarten. However, I am looking into some magnet programs for him for next year. I am not totally dissatisfied with the school he is at now, but I would love for him to go to a public school. Also, the magnet schools are kick ass! The one I would love for him to be able to attend immerses the students in either french or spanish. How cool to become bilingual. He really is gifted when it comes to grasping languages, words, definitions, etc. Anyway, in the meanwhile I am going to see if I can find a tutor so he and I can take lessons.

I can't believe that in one month little bit will be 1 year old. He is such a big boy now and I enjoy every second with him and potato. Potato is 6 months old and I think she is teething. Also, last time at court her case was changed from reunification to adoption and her case worker is working on the TPR packet probably as I type. No word from Little Bit's grandparents, I guess they lost interest already....

Bio Visit

2008-08-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

I guess I need to talk about meeting with Little Bit’s bio family, but for some reason I just don’t feel like it. Too emotionally draining.
Initially, I was so happy that there was interest in his family to see him, and actually when we all first introduced ourselves I still felt the same way. I might have even been a little envious of the fact that Little Bit will have/know his bio family.
Anyway, I digress…. Little Bit’s grandmother and her husband, his uncle, and one little girl cousin met us at Mc.Dona.lds. His grandmother seemed normal and very happy to see Little Bit. His grandmother’s husband, who has been around since Little Bit’s mother was a child, also seemed somewhat normal, and very happy to see him. Then we met Little Bit’s uncle who is his mother’s brother. He was practically in the same condition as Little Bit’s mother…..That makes you wonder what how his grandmother was as a mother since two of her children are not functioning adults. Not to mention the fact that they were both in and out of foster care and group homes their entire childhoods. It also makes you think about the grandfather’s role in it all since he has been around since they were children as well…… Sorry, but this is hard to discuss without the background information….
We didn’t really discuss Little Bit’s mother or their family, except that they couldn’t remember how many grandchildren they have?!? However, they did talk a little about the grandchildren that live with them. They are trying to get custody of both of them since their mother, the grandmother’s daughter, was murdered a few years ago. I guess one of the kid’s dads wants custody as well.
We spent the majority of the time taking pictures and they took some video. At the end his grandmother began to cry; I assured her that we would keep a relationship and that she would be his grandmother. She then started to cry and I felt sad for her. BUT then the grandfather said something that stopped me in my tracks, “Don’t worry, we will fight to get him back after we get the other two first.” My mama bear instincts kicked in hard core.
You see it will be fine if she has a grandmother role in his life, but if he were to be immersed in that lifestyle who knows what his life would be like; actually I do know what his life would be like and that is why I will never let it happen.
Furthermore, the premise of this meeting was for the grandmother not to disrupt the placement, but for her to meet Little Bit. My husband assures me that the grandfather only said that so that she would stop crying cause that’s what men do, but I don’t care.
Nevertheless, I called Little Bit’s CASA worker and detailed the meeting and how bizarre it ended. My husband also called LB’s worker and this was the first time she ever commented in a non-neutral way. She said that she felt the family/visit was shady.
Needless to say that was over a month ago and they have not contacted the worker since. I still want them in his life, but maybe we will just hold off on that until things are more definite with his case.

I am sure there are other things that I am leaving out and if I find it significant I will add it another posts.

Happy Birthday

2008-07-31T12:21:00.000-07:00

to me!!! I am officially 30.

Up to date

2008-07-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

Since my last post we have dealt with a staff infection, a trip to Chicago and a change in Potatoes’ case. That is why I called it “OLD.” So if you didn’t read it go on with your bad self.

I wrote that last post and before I was able to publish it Little Bit got a fever and then we noticed a bump just below his belly button. I immediately had my husband bring him to the ER because I figured it was some sort of infection; maybe something to do with his previous double hernia surgery.
They sat in the in the ER from 8:30-12:30. The doctors knew it was some sort of infection but they wanted to wait until the pediatric surgeon came in around 6:00am. They were originally going to keep him over night so that was when I got a babysitter for potato and went to the hospital.
They then decided to have us come back for surgery scheduled for 6:00am. It turned out to be MSRA. I KNOW!
They are pretty sure he gave it to himself scratching his eczema. He is fine now, but at his 9 month appointment he had a double ear infection.
He never is unhappy so I never know. This is his third infection, if he gets three more within this year he might have to get tubes. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

We went to Chicago to pick up my oldest son. He was very excited to see my husband and me. We also brought 3 of our runners with and did lots of touristy things. The best thing was going to a CUBS game.

We had a family team conference meeting for Potato. Obviously, her parents were not there. They did inform me that they were changing her goal from reunification to adoption. We also went to court and the only person they need to rule out is Potatoes’ biological dad. Initially, they were searching for her dad on her birth certificate. However, it turns out he never produced a SS card so he can not be on the certificate. It also turns out that Potatoes’ last name now reflects this change. I received her SS# and Medicaid card.

Next court date, next month.

Lastly, our Casa worker was able to find Little Bit’s dad! She also took some pictures of him for us. Now we are just waiting to see if he can sign away his rights.
We are also meeting with his maternal g’ma and great g’ma on Tuesday. I’m not as nervous as I was before.

Still no SS# for Little Bit....................UGH!

Old Post

2008-07-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

I had my first visit from Little Bit’s case worker since CASA got involved in his case. She seemed a little cold and was trying to explain that since 9-11 it is hard to get a SS card. I said I understood I just really want it to be her top priority so that I can get my tax refund and stimulus check!! She did say that she had worked with his CASA worker before and that she was very good. She also said that the judge that Little Bit has really listens to the CASA workers recommendation.

She also said that she talked to Little Bit’s maternal grandmother and we plan to meet on July 1st. We will probably meet at a McDonalds or at OCS office. I think that this is for the best. I am glad that his worker took the responsibility of setting up this meeting. Especially since it is not in his case plan and I don’t have to do it. I hope that she is “normal” but I am expecting the worst and only hoping for the best. I really do hope that he can have a relationship with his someone from his biological family.

Potatoes’ worker called to inform me that the name that we thought was her last name is not her last name after all. In fact, the last she now has isn’t even her mother’s last name because her mother had lied about that. My poor baby! I guess it won’t really matter since her last name will be changed again to our in the next year.

My oldest son is still Chicago and I miss him terribly. Fortunately, his father pays child support, but unfortunately he hasn’t paid for anything else. He owes me about $1,500. Now, it usually doesn’t bother me except for the fact that I have to keep hearing from my son all of the things that his father is buying him. All I can think is that yeah I would buy you that too if I didn’t solely pay for your entire school tuition for last year and for the upcoming year, bowling camp, reading camp, medical bills, airline tickets, ect…… So I feel guilty am contemplating going out and trying to buy the same things he has at his dad’s house. I told this to some of the kids I run with and they are trying to talk me out of it. They keep reassuring me that William knows that I love him and e doesn’t need all that shit. I know they are right, but it is still hard to hear……

Endometriosis is starting to kick my ass. Anytime I get my period I have life stopping pains where I can’t breathe. Also, in lieu of giving TMI, anytime I go to the bathroom I have to hold on for dear life because the pain is so intense! I know I need to have something done about this but I am contemplating what I should be. I had cervical cancer when I was 22,( No, not from HPV, it was hereditary), and have been told that once I was done having children(haha) or when I turn 30, I should get a hysterectomy. Well, I don’t have any plans on getting pregnant, and I will turn 30 at the end of July so maybe I will have it done sometime this year.

Court Dates

2008-06-21T22:39:00.001-07:00

Little Bit’s court date: After driving 45 minutes to the court house and waiting 3 hours it was decided that he will remain in care. The judge seemed sympathetic to Little Bit’s situation and said that relatively soon he would like to make a decision on a permanent placement for him.
The lawyer that was representing his mother stated that she was unaware that his mother had been moved to a new facility and that she was not having visits with him. She also wanted to point out that her mental evaluation was 6 months old and that she couldn’t see how anyone could make an educated decision without an up to date evaluation.
Little Bit’s case worker didn’t say a word about how his mother calls her everyday and how she had just talked to her doctors and that they still recommended that she not have visitations with Little Bit and that she remain in care at her current facility.
After it was deemed that we would meet again on November 25th for another court date the case worker told me that Little Bit’s mother’s lawyer would do anything to get her clients reunified with their kids.
That made me a little freaked out and pissed off at the same time. We will not be going back to court without our own lawyer and we also contacted CASA to work for Little Bit’s best interest. We are still wondering why he wasn’t assigned a worker when he was placed in care. We are also still waiting for Little Bit’s SS# for our taxes…..It seems as though someone is dropping the ball somewhere along the way…. I just need to get more aggressive and stay on top of things better I suppose.

Potato also had a court date: This one went much better. It was deemed that her case would reflect abandonment and there is another court date set for July 17th. The case worker is hoping that we will have her adopted by the end of the year!

My oldest son is in Chicago visiting with his bio dad. He has been gone for 1 of the three weeks and it is killing me. I hate when he is away, life is so boring without his little body running around the house.

Little bit almost has another tooth and is crawling like a mad man! He is getting so big and is so happy. Potato is getting big too. She is only 5 pounds less than Little Bit and is 4 month younger.

I have some of my runners over during the day to help me with the babies and organizing my house. One of the little girls made me buy Potato a headband with a bow. I couldn’t even figure out how to attach the bow to the headband, she thought that was very humorous. However, today I bought her another one with two bows to match some of her outfits. I can see how this could get addicting and expensive!

Breaking News!

2008-06-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

That’s right Little Bit has a tooth!! He also has a raging case of eczema under on his neck. We went to the doctor this morning and she didn’t seem all that concerned. She told me to put cortisone cream and some Boudreaux Butt Paste on it and it should clear up.

Oh, I did get that sundae and I am so glad that we talked!! You totally need to take a road trip or I will come to you:)

SUMMER

2008-06-01T09:39:00.001-07:00

I finally brought all three kids to get heir pictures taken. I ended up with some great shots but it was a very frustrating process!!!! The flash wasn’t working correctly on the camera so every time all three were smiling she would miss the shot. Anyway, like I said I did get three great pictures: 1 with Little Bit alone sticking out his tongue and grabbing his toes; 1 with Potato staring directly into the camera looking beautiful as always; and lastly, one of all three; at least William is smiling into the camera and the other two are looking.

Potatoes’ CASA worker came for a visit and gave us some interesting news. She apparently went to the last court hearing and the judge was ready to move forward with TPR, but had to be reminded that the parents get 4 month, which will be on July 2nd. She did inform me that there will be a court hearing on June 16th and I intend on being there!

Little Bit’s worker also came for a visit. She informed us that his mother want us to be her payee; which would mean that we would be responsible for the money that she gets from the state. She desperately wants to get out of the facility that she is in and go back in a halfway house. I understand her desire for more freedom, but she really can’t live on her own; even in a halfway house. Nor, do I want to be her “mother” as well.

Also, if we did accept the responsibility of being her payee I fear we would have too much contact. I am all for Little Bit knowing his mother and seeing her while he grows up, but I want to b able to control that contact just in case she is not lucid or becomes dangerous.

Little bit’s court date is on June 10th. I know they will just say that he will remain in care, but I also hope to get another date that will include TPR. A girl can hope right?

I am totally loving being home with all of my babies!! William is attending a summer camp through his school and loves it. It goes for 2 weeks. He is also attending a reading camp and a bowling camp. He will also have to visit his dad for three weeks. I hate when he is away, but I know he is having fun. Today, I hope to get him a little pool for the back yard.

Well, now that things have kind of slowed down I will try to blog more about what we do each dayJ

Still here

2008-05-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

I know it has been forever, but if you can believe it I have been just a little busy:)

Where to start…..
Little Bit is now 7 months old. He is just the sweetest child that I have ever met.
Milestones:
He smiles all the time and now says Dada.
He also says mmmmmm before we feed him any food. He can even hold his own bottle!
He had his first ear infection this past weekend and also learned to say Mama in the process of healing.
He can sit up almost by himself and can also pull himself on the floor; he is trying so hard to crawl.
Best of all, he sleeps through the night: )

My girl, who I will give the internet name of potato, because that is how she is shaped, is 2 months old! She is the easiest baby in the world. However, we are still getting used to all of her little girl sounds.

Milestones:
She can hold her head up by herself when you are holding her and during tummy time.
She smiles and coos when you talk to her, but especially when I do.
She makes great eye contact and knows how to keep someone’s attention.
She can entertain/play by herself.
Best of all, she also sleeps through the night! I know I am very spoiled.

I need to get Bits 6 months pictures taken and would love to get a professional picture of potato. I have matching outfits from the G.ap and really just need to make an appointment. I really just need to do a million things, but it will have to wait until I am done teaching.

1 ½ weeks left of school and I will officially be a stay at home mom again. I can’t wait! When I am home our whole family is just so much more relaxed.

There is a Foster/Adopt dinner this Thursday put on by OCS. They offer free babysitting and it should be fun. My husband and I are hoping to run into some people we took our foster class with last summer.

As for the status of our babies:

Bit’s mother is still in a mental institution and still states that she wants us to adopt him. I’m not even sure when the next court date will be.

Potato’s parents are still MIA and I have been instructed by the judge to not come to court until they either appear or they decide to TPR.

My oldest child, William, won the brotherhood/sisterhood award at school. The qualifications included showing compassion, empathy and kindness to others. I am beyond proud!

TAXES

2008-04-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of talk about claiming foster children on taxes. The biggest misconception is that you can not claim your foster child unless they have lived with you for 6 months out of the year; however, there are exceptions. Here is a letter I received from my accountant.

I read through the dependent rules again and I think I know why that person(s) thinks a foster child has to live with you for 6 months before you can claim him as a dependent.

One of the rules for a ‘qualifying’ child (who can be your birth child, or adopted, or foster, or grandchild etc…) is that he/she has to have lived with you for at least 6 months of the year. For example, say a grandchild lives with one set of grandparents for 5 ½ months and the other grandparents for 6 ½ months. He can be claimed as a dependent only by one set of grandparents, the ones who had him more than 6 months. The rule prevents more than one person claiming the same child for the same year.

BUT, there are several exceptions to the 6 month rule for qualifying children, and the exception that applies here is for a child born or died during the year. He is treated as being with you for the whole year, even if he was born on Dec. 31. I think the person who did all the research didn’t read about the exceptions. There is no place in the tax rules that says differently than what I just explained. Now, if the foster child is 5 years old and he came to live with you in Aug., THEN he wouldn’t have been with you for 6 months and you couldn’t claim him as a dependent until the following year.

Little Bit is your dependent for 2007.

Tell your friends about the exception – they can amend their tax returns!!

Happy Birthday Candy- (belated)

2008-04-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm so late!!!!
I hope you forgive me.
I'm glad you had a great day!!!!

Love

R

Blogging

2008-04-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how I read everyone else’s blog once or twice a day and I don’t ever seem to be consistent writing my own. Maybe it’s because that is what I need from this community; the sense of knowing there are others just like me…..

Anyway, we went to Florida for spring break and met my parent and my brother and his family. My parents rented a house, it was very nice. We had our own pool and hot tub. There were no major fights or arguments. However, it wasn’t as fun as it could have been. My brother is a manic depressive and he is either manic or depressive. Therefore, while he is manic he talks too much and cleans all the time. When he is depressive he is just a grumpy old ass; he is also sometimes mean to my nephew which is hard for me to watch. He tried; I give him credit for that much. I don’t necessarily think that any one person in my family is really all that annoying, you just can’t put us all together LOL!

I’m sure a lot of people could say that about their families. However, my family has a deep, dark, history that I never really discuss. Most people probably think it is out of embarrassment, but really it is out of loyalty. Or maybe it is because I don’t know where to begin, or when I do start talking about it I can’t seem to stop; not to mention that it is almost unbelievable. One day I am sure I will post it on my site if only to try to learn from it.

No news on the foster front. We are meeting with Little Bits worker tomorrow, I’m sure it is just a regular visit, but maybe we will find out if he has a court date set up. He has been with us for almost 6 months! He is the happiest baby I have ever seen. He smiles at everyone and it is so contagious: )

Our baby girl is a month old and is becoming more and more alert. She looks like a doll and is just a sweet little girl. She sleeps and eats well. She sometimes smiles in her sleep and we just melt. Her mother has made no contact with OCS and they do not have any contact information on her.

We have 8 more weeks of school left. My co-teacher and I have not been getting along. She wants to be/thinks she is my boss and she is not. She is acting very unprofessional and inappropriate around our students. Today she was telling a student that he could not keep a water bottle in class with him. I would agree usually except that the assistant principal had already said they could if they were on the track team to keep hydrated. So she sent this student to me to tell me she didn’t believe this to be true!!!! She should have gone to the assistant principal if she needs clarification, not to me. She is picking on the track runners because I am their coach and that is not fair to them. She also called me a liar in her class to our students. She is out of control. I know she has a lot going on personally, but get a grip lady!!!!!!

No Show

2008-03-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Mom was a no show for her visit today. They even sent a worker for transportation. When they got to the motel mom was staying at a tall white guy answered the door of the room. We are pretty sure they are gone. The workers have no contact information for mom or dad, and are giving the parents 4 months to show up; if they don't then they will begin the TPR process: for abandonment.
It seems promising at this point that we will be able to adopt her. In fact, if they don't come back we may end up adopting her before Little Bit. We will pray that 4 months goes quickly and that her “parents” stay away. I know that sounds horrible, but her mother had expressed on more than one occasion that she wanted us to have her baby. Maybe this is her way of doing so. Only time will tell; until then, we will love and take care of this baby.

Court Date

2008-03-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

Since "dad" did not show up to court last week it was continued to today. This week neither parent showed up so an appearance hearing was set for April 17th. Also, a bench warrent was set for "dad." Let's see if mom shows up for her visit on Tuesday....

1st Missed Drug Screening

2008-03-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

Our baby girl's mother missed her first drug screening today. That's all I have to say about that.

Quick Update

2008-03-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

Our girl is beautiful! She is tiny and sweet. She is just about 6 pounds 4 ounces. She had lost weight in the hospital because of the cocaine being breastfeed to her. She went to her one week check up and the doctor said she looked great! He also said that any effects from the drugs would have shown already.

We meet her mom last Tuesday at court. She has had five children before this baby and all of them have been taken away. She was a little defensive at first, but then warmed up to us. She really does not like the case workers, and won’t tell them anything, or be truthful with information. She did state that she was keeping this baby since she has a man this time.

Of course court was continued because the father named on the birth certificate was not there. Yes, you read that correctly, he is the father on the birth certificate, but not he biological dad. The hospital workers think that he is an illegal so we don’t expect him to show up to court.

The first visit was Thursday at the OCS office. My husband took the baby since I couldn’t take off to be there. They are making us transport her twice a week. At this visit the mom confessed to my husband that her husband is drinking again and wants to leave her. She said that she will try to pull things together to get her baby back, but if she can’t she really wants us to adopt her…..

We have a visit this Tuesday and another court date on Thursday. I am really hoping that the mom makes the right decision and gives her baby to us. She seems to know that she can’t provide or care for this child and wants the best for her.

In other news Little Bit had his hernia surgery and circumcision. He was such a champ he smiled as we left the hospital. At one point I was in the recovery room with both of my babies and I was just overwhelmed with pride and love. I am so lucky.

Oh, and to show how William, the big brother, is adjusting to all of these changes he cut his hair this past weekend. He now has a cute crew cut! He is an incredible child and is so great with the babies.

Lastly, I just want to say how much fun I am having picking out girl clothes!

It's a Girl!

2008-02-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

We got a call for a 2 day old baby girl today while Jake's case worker was visiting. In fact we got a couple of calls within minutes of each other for different children. I guess when it rains it pours. We have decided to take her. That sounds so blah! WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE HER!!! I don't know much more then that they found cocaine in her system. Her mother is 32 and there is a father/husband, but they don't know his involvement level. When I asked if we are just a foster home or an adoptive placement the supervisor said," Well, every foster child's goal is reunification, but we feel she needs an adoptive home."

Of course we have a lot of people telling us that we shouldn't take her, but we just can't think of any reason not to. We wanted a daughter, we wanted a large family, and we wanted to do it through foster care. I could care less that they are 4 1/2 months apart. It would be like having twins, and maybe even easier since Little Bit is sleeping really well and is always so happy!! I only have 10 weeks of school left and spring break in three weeks.

Now the only thing left is the daunting task of finding someone to watch the baby until she can go to daycare….
I can’t wait to meet her!!!

Almost Famous

2008-02-27T09:20:00.000-08:00

That is the question I keep hearing from my students. You know since two of my close friends from high school Dia.blo Cod.y A.K.A:Br.ook Bus.ey and Pe.te Wen.tz are famous why I am not. The answer is I am not sure that I really would want all that attention and I definitely do not want to fly all that much. Nor would I want to leave my children at all!!!! The biggest reason is I have a hard time deciding what I really would want to be famous for. I probably could be a professional country singer or an Olympic runner. But both are too time consuming. I really like the life I have. Lastly, I think you have to be pretty full of yourself to pursue either and my parents made it very clear at a very young age that I will never deserve good things in life. Unfortunately, I still believe it.
I guess my actual dream would be to win the Olympics and sing the National Anthem, then start a singing career. I mean I ran a 5:15 mile in high school and I used to sing before all of my races and basketball games. If I could get my mile time down to 5 minutes and run a 16:30 5k I would be well on my way. My goal for this year is to run a 5:00minute mile by July 4th. I have 4 more months to train.

OSCAR

2008-02-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

My best friend from high school won an Academy Award last night for best original screen play. Isn't that amazing!!!

4 Months

2008-02-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

Another month has come and gone. Here’s the recap:

We had our first home visit since we got Little Bit back in October. Our worker pretty much just came to our house and played with the baby. We discussed how mom is not ready for visits; in fact, she might not be able to stay at the facility she is at since has not transitioned well. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever see his mother or father again……beside court dates that is…..

Doctor visits: Little bit had three doctor visits last week.

The first one was with the urologist for his double hernia. The doctor said that he will be able to fix it as well as bring down his right testicle and circumcise him. His operation will be on March 7th.
We then had to go to the cardiologist for surgery clearance since he was diagnosed previously with a murmur. The cardiologist is actually one of my students’ father. He diagnosed Little Bit with a mild pulmonary stenosis, which means that the value from his heart to his lung is thicker than it should be. Nothing that is immediately serious, but is something that needs to be watched. This means he has to go back in 6 moths for a check-up. The good news is that he most likely will grow out of it; 85% of children do.
Lastly, Little Bit had his 4 month visit. He is 15 pounds, 4ounces and 24 inches long. He is now cleared to eat rice cereal so we tried it this morning and he loved it! He received his 4 month shots and they made him so sleepy. I know I sound paranoid but after every vaccination I check to make sure that he is responsive and maintains eye contact. So far, so good. Autism is so prevalent, especially in boys, that I feel like it would be irresponsible not to check up on him.
Last weekend we went to the zoo with Dream Mommy and her family. We had such a good time! We are all going to Florida over spring break. I can’t wait!!! Still working out all of the details, but I know we will go to a couple of theme parks and water parks. Did I say I can’t wait?
Track season starts tomorrow. I think I will have close to 60 runners this year. I hope the weather stays nice. I love being around other people, even if they are children, who love running as much as I do.

The Mom Test

2008-01-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. “Why?” my daughter asked. “Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.” I was thinking quickly. “All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.” We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. “OH...I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.” “Exactly.” I replied back with a big smile on my face.

3 Months and More

2008-01-21T13:01:00.000-08:00

Where has the time gone…..My boy is now three months old!!! He is still the most content child and smiles at everyone. He is developing normally and is just such a blessing. He is at daycare while I am at work and has great teachers who love him. He is starting to roll over and loves to move! He also learned how to yell over the holidays. He thinks that’s how you talk. Not that I expected any less after he was around my family for the holidays. We are going to get his three month pictures tonight.

I love watching my husband father this child. Yes, we have an older child, but P wasn’t in the picture until W was 15 months old, this is his first baby. Not that I’m surprised in the least. He has always been a wonderful man; it is just fun to watch.

We haven’t been on a visit to see Little Bits mother since before the holidays. Ever since she moved to the new facility she has not been well enough for visits. I hope she being treated well and is getting the help she needs.

My grandmother had a fall a couple of weeks before Christmas and is back in the hospital because they found blood on her brain. She had brain surgery to stop the bleeding and is recovering. They also said that she might have had a minor stroke. She should get out of the hospital in a couple of weeks. She is resisting rehab, but needs it to recover. I can’t imagine how hard this is for her since she has always been so independent. She will be again; she just needs to do the work. She will be 81 this July, and my grandparents will be married for 60 years. She is my most favorite person in the whole world. I am so glad that she was able to visit me last spring and that we have always had such a great relationship.

My grandmother is also a breast cancer survivor and for her surgery they had to shave her head. It kills me that she has to go through that experience again!!! So this past weekend I got 12 inches cut off my hair and am sending it to locks of love. It is such a worthy cause and really it’s just hair. This is the 3rd time I have done this and plan on doing it for the rest of my life. I hope anyone else who can, will join me in this cause.

Pictures

2007-12-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry if I have not sent you pictures of little bit yet!!! I kind of lost track of who I still needed to send them to. So if you still want them please leave me your e-mail addresss in the comments section.

JUNO

2007-12-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

Go see it, my best friend from high school wrote it......I know, surreal right?

2 Months

2007-12-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

Two Month Check-Up

Where to start….

When we first got little bit they told us that his testicles had not descended and that we need to keep an eye on it. My husband and I both agreed on many occasions that they looked like they had dropped, but then they looked like they would migrate back up. Well, we were half right, his testicles did drop, but in doing this it caused a double hernia in which he will need surgery next month. Needless to say, I am a little worried. He is just so little.
First, I have to go to the cardiologist to get his heart checked out since the doctor thought he heard an extra little beat. He doesn’t think it is anything, but we need to get it checked out before he has surgery. The weird coincidence is that I was just diagnosed with an extra heart beat this last summer. So now I tell people that we share the same heart.
The doctor also diagnosed the bruise like mark on his bottom as a Mongolian spot. He said it is common in children of African American descent. I thought it was from his deliveryJ I also just wanted it documented so that I would never be accused of putting it there. I know, isn’t sad that foster parents have to be so worried all the time.
There was also a little bump behind his right ear that was diagnosed as a swollen lymph node, nothing to worry about.

I left the office with an appointment with a cardiologist and a pediatric surgeon in January. I told the doctor that little bit would be on our private insurance after January 1 and he said that I should wait until then so that I could see certain doctors.

Baby Mama Drama Continued

My baby’s mama is being transferred from the mental hospital to what I am assuming is a residential facility 2 hours away! So our visit has obviously been cancelled again this week. I don’t know what type of visits they are going to be or what they are going to ask us to do from now on. I can’t imagine driving that once a month, let alone once a week. It would be a total of 4 hours at the minimum depending on traffic.

I have to be honest and say that I am a little relieved that she is not being moved back to the city we live in. She has a brother who also lives here and he has been trying to contact her and find out about the baby. She has already signed a document stating that she does not want him to have the baby, but I was worried that he would find her and try to talk her into it. She won’t receive phone calls from him at he mental hospital, so I am going to assume that will remain the case when she moves. Also, I highly doubt any other family members will make the trip to see her. It’s not that I don’t want family reunification; it’s just that I know her family’s history and I know that this child wouldn’t be anything more than a “paycheck.”

Hopefully, his caseworker will call me and let me know what the next is tomorrow.

Who?

2007-12-12T12:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know, I am a bad blogger, but I promise to be better now!!! I am done with my Master's degree in education!!!!!! Well, I am waiting for my portfolio to be approved, but all of the papers have been handed in and graded.

Here is a post I wrote after our case plan meeting last month:

Case Plan Meeting
The visit today was just as bizarre as usual. First, the guard at the gate of the mental hospital would not let me in since I could not remember the name of the building mom was in. Of course, once my case worker showed she decided that I could be let in, but I better follow the proper procedures next time. We walked into the facility and bio dad and mom were waiting in the hall for us. Little bit looks just like his father. Mom was more interested in dad then the baby. She was quite out of it and couldn’t stop, crying, swearing and talking gibberish. When we went to the visitor’s room the VOA representatives were already seated, as was the social worker from the hospital, little bits case worker, the psychiatrist, and little bit’s case investigator. The room is set up with a table and chairs in the middle and two couches, one on each side of the table. Everyone was sitting at the table except my husband and I and little bit were on one couch, and the bio dad was on the other couch. The case worker kept trying to start the meeting, but mom couldn’t pull herself together. She keep crying and talking about if she would ever get out of the hospital she would……. Dad did try to tell her to take her meds and listen. Dad also did hold the baby when we first got there, but only for about a minute, and not very well. It seemed like he couldn’t wait to hand him back. Anyway, the case worker started discussing the steps that mom would need to take to get her child back and dad kind of whispered something to the psychiatrist. No one really heard him so he said it louder. He said, “I don’t want any homosexual raising my child.” No one really answered him. Then he said it again and the psychiatrist explained to him that we were the foster parents and that we were a married heterosexual couple. Dad then pointed to my husband and stated, “No, that guy is gay.” We just sat there with are mouths shut and let the psychiatrist deal with it. The case worker got through all of the expectations of the bio mom and the started stating what dad would need to do. Dad adamantly stated that he wasn’t going to take substance abuse classes, parenting classes, or see any judges. He also didn’t know his address and doesn’t believe in phones. If you want to contact him you either need to write him a letter or leave a note on his door at home. Two other questions dad asked was if we were feeding the baby and also if we get a check for him. I told of course we are feeding him and that even if we did receive a check it would never cover daycare, formula, and diapers. Dad also stated that he had no family that he would want the baby go to.I felt better after the meeting and a little insane………..I just keep saying that no one would believe if I told them what is like to visit your child’s mother and father in a mental hospital.

All of the visits after that one, dad has been a no show. Mom asks every time I walk in where he is and I have to tell her over and over again that I don't know him. She tells the same stories week after week, but is always pleasant. She is always respectful. At the last visit she really wanted me to know that she DID NOT want her brother and sister in law to get the baby. I assured her that the document she signed at court would make sure that they wouldn't.
I also asked her if she would like to change the babies diaper; she tried but admitted she didn't know what to do. I helped with the diaper change and also snapping his pants back together.
She really only holds him for about 10 minutes during the hour visit. She gets nervous, bored or is just so wrapped up in her own story that she can't focus on him.

This week I was suppose to go visit mom on Tuesday, but the mental hospital social worker called and said it wouldn’t be appropriate. Mom was having a bad day. I asked if I should come later that week and she said it probably wouldn't be a good idea..... I made sure I called little bit's case worker so she could document this cancelled visit.

As for an update on little bit, he is getting really chubby and is smiling all of the time. He usually sleeps through the night and loves car rides. He is just a huge blessing to our family. William loves him so much and calls him his baby. He is a wonderful big brother. I have his 2 months check-up tomorrow-shots and all-I will update then, I promise!!!

Oh, and if you would like to see a picture of little bit, shoot me an e-mail!!

DIal-up

2007-11-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

Sorry everyone!!! I am in Chicago and my parents have dial up!!!! UGH!!! I know it is insane. I do I have a post about meeting little guy's dad and his parents case plan meeting but my computer is dead. I will hopefully have it back sometime next week. I will try to respond to some of your posts, but can't make any promises. Just know that I am reading!!!!

Love,

R

insult to injury

2007-11-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

My ex-husband's girlfreind is four months pregnant with a little boy....I found out from my cousin and had to call him to confirm.

visit #2

2007-11-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

The visit last Wednesday went the exact way I thought the first visit should have gone. Of course, my husband came with me and we met the case worker before we went inside the hospital. She asked me what my thoughts were at this point about bio mom’s capability of taking care of the baby. My response was does it really matter what I think?!? She said it did. I told her the truth. I told her that I just didn’t think that she was capable of taking of herself, let alone a newborn baby. She said she agreed.
We got to the front of the hospital and his mom was outside waiting for us. She gave me a big hug and said she was so thankful that God had sent her child to such wonderful people. We went to the same visiting room that we were in the previous week, but this time it was just Bio mom, my husband and I, and the case worker. Occasionally, the hospital social worker would come in to check on mom.
I handed the baby over to mom, she didn’t ask to hold him. She didn’t really talk to the baby or snuggle him, she was too involved in telling us stories from her life. Most of the stories didn’t really make a lot of sense, but we listened anyway. She keeps talking about her dead sister and how she was physically abused by friends and family members. She said that she was afraid that “they” would find her and hurt her if she got out. That really made my husband and I very scared and sad for her. She also discussed her drug use at great length. Including mentioning that she was, “smoking the crack pipe,” and “sweeping away blunts,” as early as last October. She also talked about not feeling good and that she didn’t think she would ever leave the mental hospital. The social workers there keep assuring her that it was when she leaves, not if she leaves…..
While she was holding the baby he became very fussy and I was waiting to see if she was capable of figuring out what he needs. She asked if he could be hungry. That was a relief; at least she could figure out what he might need if he goes back to her. However, while she was feeding him she was so involved in her story that the nipple fell out of his mouth and she didn’t even realize it. I was glad the case worker saw this action. She also had no idea how to burp the baby. So I sat next to her and took the baby and showed her how to burp him. I couldn’t listen to his cries of pain. Again, I was glad the case worker saw this too. The funny thing was after I took him to burp him she didn’t ask or motion to want him back. She actually seemed relieved that I took him and was caring for him. Also, when she tells her stories she always validates their conent with herself. Example, " They would steal all my money and food...yeah...they would beat and I'm not stupid, yeah..." This really is the way she talks.
When we left the hospital I explained to the case worker that as a foster/adopt child myself if I thought that this baby’s mother was capable of caring for him I would want him to be with her; because that is what I would have wanted for myself. However, I really don’t believe that she is capable. I also said that I would continue visitations with her if he ended up with us. (Obviously, she would have to be clean and nonviolent.) I wish that would have been an option for me.

My husband then started asking some questions:

How long has she been in the mental hospital: 7 months- it was court appointed, but she could technically leave at anytime.
How did mom and dad meet: in a mental health facility; dad is also mentally impaired.-Both have long records of mental health/drug facilities under their belts, and mom has claimed abuse at many of them.
What is going on with the VOA: They are still helping mom find a place to live, but the baby will not go with her at this time.

We will supposedly meet dad this week to set up their family case plan. He couldn’t make it this week because it was too early. It was 9:00am. My husband and I missed a ½ day of worked, had to find arrangements for our other son, and drove 45 minutes to the hospital. Whatever! So the meeting next week is for 10:00am. I hope he does show up so that we can set up his case plan that he probably won’t follow. Did I mention he is in a halfway house and has never seen his son?!?
I think I have included everything, but will update if I remember anything else.

Thanks you guys!!

2007-10-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! You guys are such a great support system!!! I always knew this, but I really felt it after my post last week. I am preparing myself for tomorrow's visit. At least my husband is coming with me; he just can't pass up going to a mental hospital on Halloween. I will write again tomorrow to keep you updated.....

Congrats to both cookie crumbs and dream mommny on their good news!!

1st visit

2007-10-25T14:44:00.001-07:00

I had my first experience with baby mama drama on Wednesday when we met for the first time. Not from her, since she is bi-polar and schizophrenic, and is not in this world most of the time; but from the Volunteers of America who wanted to place the baby and her in a home even though she is clearly not capable of taking care of either of them. Not to mention she is still in a mental hospital and the doctor is the one who said that she is not capable, and that is why the baby was placed with us in the first place.

Anyway, we have a lawyer now and our case worker has assured us that VOA is contracted by the hospital and has no say over the baby. So even if she is placed by them, the baby will not go. The mother still needs to work her case plan just like everyone else who wants to get their children back. They have found “dad” and he supposedly wants to be involved, but is currently in a halfway house of sorts and has no family support. I think that VOA has a lot to do with him being “involved.” .

Needless to say I was a basket case. I couldn’t believe my ears. These people really think it would be in this child’s best interest to live in a residential home for his entire life with a woman who couldn’t remember who I was after ten minutes of visiting?!? They were trying to assure the case worker that there is 24 hour supervision at the home. Well, if you need 24 hour supervision to raise your baby, maybe you shouldn’t have your baby….

I cried most of the morning, and not for the fear of losing my sweet pea, but for the life he would be subjected to if he had to live with his mother. I really think that if I handed the baby over to my son, who is four, and said take care of him, he could do a better job. Not to mention he would get better with time since he would grow up and is able to learn new skills. Sweet pea’s mother will never be capable of living by herself. I just kept thinking my boy would probably end up in the same mental hospital or a juvenile home or jail or worse….

Okay, I am getting way ahead of myself and have promised to take this one day at a time. As the case worker said if mom wants him back she needs to work the plan and she hasn’t done anything yet. Also, they wanted to start visits while she was in the mental hospital to show to the courts that she is not capable. My husband is coming to the next visit so at least I won't feel so blind sided.

Keep us in your prayers....

My boy...

2007-10-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

Is an angel sent from heaven. He only wakes up once a night to eat and goes back to sleep. He is content being held or sleeping in his crib. He loves to eat and is a great little brother!

Now, the waiting begins once again. It seems likely that he will stay with us since they were looking for an adoptive placement, not just a foster home. Also, we have already been approved to take him home for Thanksgiving and Christmas; and no visitation has been set up for his mother as of yet.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, but infertility has jaded me into thinking that the worst case scenario is going to happen. I have to be honest and say that I cry from happiness and grieving everyday. I know how blessed I am to have this child in my life, but I also know it may not be forever. However, I will enjoy everyday I get to spend with this incredible boy and love him, love him, love him!!!

He's here!!!

2007-10-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

We got our boy yesterday! We waited for three hours with no word from the case worker, but she showed up with him at 6:30. We were hoping to get him before cross-country practice; the entire team was on our front yard as they pulled up. The worker, said she has never seen such a homecoming. He is healthy, about 6 1/2 lbs, dark hair. He has hardly made a sound since he arrived...he is very content, except for his appetite. He took down four ounces of formula like it was nothing. William is very excited! He has been waiting for a sibling for a long time.

It's a boy!

2007-10-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

So we are "technically" (all the paper work is in) not certified yet, but my son will be dropped off on Monday at 3:30.

What we know so far:

His mother is in a facility (jail)
His biological father is nowhere to be found (mom's not sure who he is)
He had no drugs in his system
He is 2 days old today

I’m still in shock, but so excited!!!

IUI #2

2007-10-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

Estrogen level 826
Sperm count 65million
Doctor's exact words, "I am cautiously optimistic!"

Check!

2007-10-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

Okay things that are done:

References: had two different people get them, finish them, and fax them back in one day....That's impressive!

Sizes of our bedrooms- DONE!

Things that are almost done:

I need to call the doctors office tomorrow since they have the form they just need the fax number to send it back.

I can’t find my pay stub since I only have gotten one since the beginning of the school year and won't get another one till next Friday (once a month pay periods.) Need to get a copy from our HR office.

Just need to find time to search in our cars and get the insurance cards copied.

We also need to have our backgrounds checked in Colorado and we have to have a form notarized and send $10.00 each!!!

Will the paper trail never end!

The funny thing is now I get a phone call from my worker once or twice a day to see my progress on this list....what is the deal with these people? They don't call for weeks and then they nag.

In other news my 2nd IUI is scheduled for this Saturday. I went in today and got my HCG shot. At least IUI’s aren’t so invasive.

Things to do.....

2007-09-27T14:46:00.001-07:00

Okay, so here is the 411 on my visit yesterday. All we did was go over the "stuff" I need to hand in and I clarified some things from our last visit. So here is my check list that I will complete this weekend:

Fax William's medical form to the doctor (again!!!) and have them fill it out and fax it back.

Copy of my pay stub

Two of my references still need to send back their forms! I will be calling them and two other people who I am sure will get it done!

Proof of car insurance (again!)

Sizes of our bedrooms

She said that once these things are in it will take about two weeks until we are certified! Now that is good news!

The sun will come out tomorrow

2007-09-25T15:53:00.001-07:00

I called my case worker after my post last week and she did call me right back and set up another visit for tomorrow. I am glad that it is progressing, it gives me hope again. Also, I went to my IF clinic today and am going to attempt an IUI this cycle. My husband and I discussed giving this whole treatment thing a try until I turn 30. Again, I can't blame him for wanting a biological child and I will try anything to fulfill his dream. So hopefully my next post will be more exciting.

Would you like to join my pity party?

2007-09-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Today, I made reservations for my trips home for the holidays. Then, I saw on my calendar my son’s birthday, and the number 5. It took my breath away. I can’t believe that my baby is going to be 5 and I have no other children. Fuck, I’m not even a certified foster parent. I immediately blamed my 1st husband for wasting my youth!!! But in reality I’m not really sure it is his fault, but I will still blame him anyway :) I just want another child so much that I physically ache. I know I need to be patient, but isn’t 4 years long enough. Not to mention that I am sick of hearing about all of the celebrities who are pregnant or able to adopt a child easily. It is so infuriating! No more people.com for me!

On a different note my IF doctor here in BR called randomly just to see how things were going. It was wonderfully refreshing! We bitched about how insurance will pay for Viagra, but not birth control or IF related medicines. We talked about my options and there was no pressure either way. He really just cares. How many people can say that about their doctor? We’ll see. I might try a couple IUI’s since they are not that expensive and are painless. Honestly, I really don’t care how I get a child I just want to be able to raise and love one, be a parent, enjoy playing with them, and watch them evolve in to capable adults.

I feel better, but I still can’t dull the ache.

2nd Home Study

2007-09-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

I had my 2nd home study. All I have to say is why do they have you fill out all of that paper work if they are just going to ask the same damn questions again? Here is my other issue, again, they expect you to have this boring life and you are just sitting around waiting for their phone call or for them to come for a visit. The reason I bring this up again is that I am a very busy woman as I suspect the rest you are. Anyway, we scheduled the visit for 3:40 because I can fly home after school ends at 3:30. Then, if it is Mon., Wed., Thurs., or Fri, night I coach XC from 5:30-7:00. Tuesday night I have my cohort seminar for my masters in teaching at 6:00-7:00, so when I say I don't have any time except from 3:40-5:25 I ain't playin'. My last visit was over two weeks ago and he hasn’t scheduled another one? WTF!

I have been MIA for a couple of weeks now due to illness! I am on the up and up so I should be able to get back to anyone who has been calling me and commenting on blogs. I’m SO sorry Lisa! I know you have been calling but I have had no voice by the end of the day to talk, or I have been going right to bed. I swear I will call on Tuesday.

School is a lot of fun, but the parents are DRAINING!!! Trust me if I have disciplined or reprimanded your child for anything it was for a great, terrific, perfect, undeniable reason…..NEWS FLASH, this just in your children are not perfect angels, you know this, you live with them.

Homestudy number 1 completed....check!

2007-08-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

We finally had our 1st home visit. Honestly, they barely looked at our house and ask you questions we have already answered 100 times before. Again, I wasn’t all that impressed. We did discuss how to go about placing an older girl in our home and it was great to hear that we will get a lot of information about the child and will be able to work together to find a fit for our family. That was encouraging. It was also encouraging to know that we will not be blacklisted if we take a child and they do not turn out to be a good fit for us. It should never be like that and if your local agency is telling you otherwise you need to report them ASAP.

I am still having a great time in 5th grade! Our class reading is: There a Boy in the Girls’ Bathroom, by Louis Sacher. It is a great book, it is so much fun to read, and it teaches a lesson. You can’t beat that!

My cross-country team has doubled in size which is great! They kids are working so hard and are doing a wonderful job. I can’t wait for our first meet.

William’s first week at school was crazy!

Day 1: He hated school because he had to nap
Day 2: No School
Day 3: He love school it rocked
Day 4: He threw up and their as a lot of miscommunication and chaos so he hated school again.
Day 5: He wet himself at nap because they wouldn’t let him use the bathroom when he asked to go…..I guess they know to let him go now!

Why? You ask me. Why Not?

2007-08-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to update! I have been preparing for school which actually started today. This was my first time ever teaching 5th grade and I love it! It was nice being able to give directions and have them followed the first time, well most of the time :) Anyway, it was fun and the day flew by! I am excited to get into the “real” material; I have so many fun things planned. Also, I have a smart board in my classroom. Here is a link if you want to check out what it is: http://smarttech.com/

Okay, back to the why I want to adopt a girl between the ages of 5-10. I feel the real question is why not? I honestly feel so lucky to have been adopted at all. Why shouldn’t these children be looked at for adoption, because they are too old; they are spoiled goods? Yes, I know what all of you are going to tell me, they could have been abused, they might set my house on fire, they will be bad in school, they might throw fits, they might take awhile to adjust to my rules. And you know what I have to say to all of that; my OWN biological child could do all of those things!!!!! That is the reality people. Not to mention that I am well qualified to deal with a child of these ages and all of their “baggage.” I will spare you my list of credentials; actually I won’t…..I have my undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education, I am finishing my master’s in elementary education, I worked in head start for 6 years, I taught a parenting class to my head start parents, I have completed love and logic training and a millions other trainings dealing with at risk kids, I worked in Cabrini Green in Chicago and with a large base of monolingual parents and students in Colorado, I have an amazing support system, I am an adopted child myself, and last, but definitely not least, I WANT TO! So please don’t tell me your horror stories, not because I don’t want to hear it, but I don’t want you to judge a child before you ever meet them. Every child is different. I can’t believe that there are no children out there in the age range I would like who would not LOVE to be a part of a family. I am not kidding myself, I know that there will be a adjustment period, a grief period, and many other issues that will need to addressed; but remember I live it, I am that adopted child. I don’t know my biological family, I grieve for the relationships I don’t have; I understand, at least a little.

As for why we are looking at girls, we don’t want to change the birth order too much. I would like William to continue to be the oldest boy in the family. Also, he is already gaining a step sister once his dad gets married next year….but that is so not the point….anyway….there it is, agree or disagree, it’s your prerogative, just know where I am coming from.

Personality

2007-08-06T17:08:00.000-07:00

This has been going around...Here I am....

ESFJ - The "Supporter"
ESFJs are social butterflies that value relationships, supporting and nurturing others. Never one to shy away from social events, they are often the host. They are great encouragers of teamwork. ESFJs are responsible, dutiful, observe traditions and follow rules. ESFJs have a deep concern for others and often end up as caretakers. They are sensitive to criticism and have a need to be appreciated for the good they do for others. ESFJs are understanding, generous, have a quick wit and a knack for composition and beautification.

What are you?

Home Study(part two)

2007-08-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

This post is just going to be about me bitching about how the OSS thinks that my life revolves around their schedule.

Yes, I know I could just sit back and kiss their ass so that they will place a child with me. It's not that I am trying to be difficult; it is just the principle of how you treat people.

Example one: I call my worker back 2 days after she had called me. I was not trying to be rude or inconsiderate, I was truly busy. Have I mentioned that I am teaching 5th grade full time, coaching the schools cross-country team, finishing my masters, and raising my son right now?(And since all of my readers are women I don't even have to go into everything I do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.) So if I don't return your call it is not because I don't care or want to, it is because I really don't have the time.

Anyway, I called my worker and we were discussing the next time she could come do a visit. The whole while she kept saying that today would have been perfect for her. Eventually, I stopped her and said that even though it would have been perfect for her, it would not have worked for me. She seemed a little stunned. Well, isn't that why I haven't called back until now? Maybe they are used to working with people who don't return phone calls just because; I am not one of those people. Also, I am sick of feeling like I need to jump through hoops just because I am adopting. I am all for all the steps and procedures that are in place to ensure the safety of the children needing homes, but they shouldn’t make it so ridiculously difficult for us adoptive parents to meet those guidelines.

We went back to trying to schedule a day and she informed me that her hours were only from 7:30-2:00. I said that since I was a teacher this would not work for me unless I have a day off. I said the next day that I have off is Oct. 25th. I also told her that we were just looking to adopt right now, a girl, between the ages of 5-10 years old. This changed everything. All of a sudden she was able to come on the 15th at 3:40.

So we have a day scheduled and she said the next visit could be at her office with just my husband. Yes, it has to be at the office because he is a man; lucky. That just leaves our last visit to be scheduled. Peter and I are really looking forward to adopting an older girl. We just know that this is His calling for us. I will spear you and address that in another post :)

Home Study

2007-08-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

We finally got a call the other day to set up our 1st home study visit. Now, I just need to find the time to call them back!

Putting it all together

2007-08-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

What we did the last month.....

We started and completed all of our foster adopt classes. The best thing I can say about them is that they are over. I honestly didn’t learn anything that I had not known before. However, our classmates were a riot and we made some new friends.
After our first class my husband had a mini break down. I can appreciate and understand that reaction when it becomes a reality that you really may not have a biological child, though I know that is not the complete story…..it is the easiness of pregnancy, planning, and no questions; but those things are all still there, you just have 9 months to adjust.
We went to a new fertility doctor in BR. He had some test done and it turns out that I don’t have old eggs, just a limited supply, or limited edition as I like to say:) I am still waiting to hear if I still carry any antibodies that would cause infertility. The doctor also thought I might have a slight case of endometriosis. But the real shocker was that my husband may have Morphology or structure issues. We will see.
We went on a family vacation with Peter’s family, 3 sisters, 2 brothers, spouses and his parents in Michigan. I am not particularly fond of his family, but we actually had a good time. I spent most of my time with my sister in law who totally rocks!!!
After the week in Michigan, William and I spent the next week in Chicago. It was nice. My mom and I went shopping and I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew. Two of my cousins got married on the 28th. Their weddings were fun! The real funny thing about it is that they use to date. No they are not cousins. LOL.
My School starts next week. I am feeling pretty good about my preparations, but still have a lot to do!!! I am excited about teaching 5th grade.

Happy birthday to me!

2007-07-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday, I am 29!!!
I promise to update as soon as I can get my thoughts together; and I apologize for not commenting, but I was visiting my parents and they have dial-up!

Here's a little thought/comment/question...Do you think my birth parents are thinking about me?

Oh, and some big news….both of my friends looking for the double lines are now pregnant!!!! So congrats to Serenity and Baby Blues! How exciting!

Nature vs. Nurture

2007-07-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

The nature versus nurture debates concern the relative importance of an individual's innate qualities. Nature versus personal experiences

Nature

I’m Athletic
I can sing
I am even keeled
I am compassionate
I am a teacher
I am maternal
I have brown hair and eyes and olive skin
I am short, muscular, thin
I have a fun and serious personality
I am slightly OCD
I have had cancer
I have book smarts
I am creative
I am an extrovert
I am driven
I have an amazing memory
I have a relaxed temperament (most of the time)
I have great leadership skills
I am Italian and Polish
I am an old soul

Nurture

I am an individual
I am loyal
I am loud
I talk too much
I eat too much
I am confident
I am a learner
I treat others treat others the way I want to be treated
I am catholic
I am accepting
I say what I mean, and I mean what I say
I was raised Italian and Polish
I have Street smarts
I am an entrepreneur
I am good with money
I make good decisions
I am a daughter, step daughter, granddaughter, and sister
I mimic my mother’s mannerisms, voice, and handwriting

I do believe that each quality has been shaped by both nature and nurture; and as you can see some characteristics overlap. I say this because I think that nature gave them to me to begin with, but nurture made sure that they continued on. Also, there are other qualities I am sure I am overlooking but I thought this was a good start.
I would love to hear what you guys have observed in your adoptive children, or in yourselves, or just your comments!

Do we look alike?

2007-06-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Wow! I love all of the responses to my last post. So here’s another:

When you are an adopted child, one of the many things you feel like you are missing out on is looking like some else. When I was a child I remember looking at my family and trying to see where I fit. I did not look like anyone; not even a little bit. I’m not saying it bothered me, because truly it didn’t, but when my son was born I loved the fact that we looked a look. In fact, if you really think about it my son is my only blood relative (that I know). I guess it never bothered me because I never felt adopted. The family I have IS my family, and if anyone were ever to say differently they would have my grandmother to deal with.

As an adult I still find myself searching for people who look similar to me; or how other families look like each other. For instance, about three weeks ago William and I went to the zoo on a whim. We live in Baton Rouge, La and it was about 100 degrees with 110 percent humidity. Needless to say there were very few people there. However, we did run into two other moms’ with their children. One mom had a little girl and a little boy and the other mom had a little boy and a baby boy. My first instinct was to see if the children looked like their mothers. I concluded that the little girl resembled her mother and the little boy looked a lot like her. The other little boy didn’t really resemble his mother, but the baby looked just like her; so I concluded that the little boy must look like his father. I was wrong….sort of. Let me explain. We went over to the little boy’s house for a play date and the mom explained to me that both of her boys were adopted. I was somewhat shocked and comforted all at the same time. I was excited that I thought her baby looked like her, maybe someone thought I looked like my mom or dad when I was a baby. However, it still doesn’t quench the desire to know what my bio parents look like. Isn’t amazing what biological children take for granite? LOL

Of course I have picked up all of my mother’s mannerisms; and some of my dad’s too, good and bad. People always say we talk/sound alike. Once when I was in high school my mother was showing a picture of me from the paper when I was the homecoming queen, and a fellow teacher said I was pretty so that must mean I was adopted. Bad joke, huh? My mom laughed and said yes, actually I was. You could only imagine his surprise and embarrassment.

Nature vs. Nurture what a wonderful debate……maybe it will be my next post.

adoption

2007-06-24T20:36:00.001-07:00

Now that I finally have some interest in this blog by others besides Dream Mommy, LOL, I will try to keep it updated more often : ) Okay Jaye; sorry!!!

My view on adoption

Why do infertile women/couples have to make the choice of raising a child an all or nothing deal? All = having your own bio-child; Nothing = an adopted child. I’m sure this is an overly sensitive subject for me since I am an adopted child, but I can’t stand that adoption is the LAST RESORT option for some of our blogging friends. A consolation prize if you will for losing at the game of infertility treatments. What I find to be the most ironic part of all of it all is that after they do adopt they realize it was the right step for them all along. PEOPLE, listen up, it doesn’t matter how you get a child, raising it with the person you love is proof enough of your love for each other. It does not need to come out of your vajayjay.

Why is there such an if….then approach in the fertility challenged world. If we try an IUI or IVF or whatever else is out there and we don’t get pregnant on the 1st, 4th or 7th try the thought is that we will then adopt a child. My question is: If you really want a child why not start the adoption process while you start the infertility treatments, the end reward for both is a beautiful child to love and raise. Sometimes I wonder if people want to be pregnant or parents; because the difference between the two is enormous.

So I guess am just trying to say that I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but I also know that an adopted child would bring just as much joy.

Just had to get that out there.

Not the way it should be, just the way it is

2007-06-18T10:14:00.001-07:00

I hope everyone enjoyed their Father’s Day yesterday. Honestly, I was glad that I live 1,000 miles away from my own father. It literally took everything I had to even call him. However, when I did he seemed happy to hear from me.

Here is the back story:

As most of you know I am divorced from my son’s father. This obviously did not go over well with my very Catholic close knit family; even though my Ex cheated on me with my best friend. (No, they are not together now.) Anyway, while I was trying to leave the horrible situation my parents and actually most of my family were not very supportive or helpful. It didn’t help that my Ex was spreading lies and acting completely pathetic. When I finally had enough and decided to leave the state, yes I felt the need to get that far away from everyone, my parents, especially my dad, did not help me at all. I packed up and moved my 4,000 square foot house by myself. However, a week after I left, my parents went to visit my son at my Ex’s house and helped him rearrange the furniture left behind.

To add insult to injury my father has continued to see my Ex socially even though we are divorced and I am married to another man who he doesn’t even really acknowledge. This makes me so sad since Peter has taken such wonderful care of me and my son for the past 3 ½ years.

Needless to say our relationship has been strained. Therefore, anytime we spend any sort of extended time together, like when I come visit for holidays, we have at least one huge fight that ends with us not talking to each other. Again, this makes me so sad since my father and I used to be so close. In fact, when I was growing up I preferred him to my mother even though he is technically my stepfather. ( I was adopted by my mother through the foster adopt program and her first husband, my first dad, died in a car accident before it was official; I was 3; my mom got remarried to him when I was 5.) Even when I was first married to my Ex my dad would stop by our house to paint or to just hang out. I looked up to my father so much that I made him the godfather of my son; I couldn’t think of a better example.

Nevertheless, the relationship is what it is and at this point I don’t think it will ever be the way it used to, but at least I am now at peace with it; 1,000 miles away.

Anyhow, we had a wonderful Father’s day at our house. I love my husband so much! He is a wonderful father and husband. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

Disclaimer: Of course there is even more to the back story, but I will leave that to another post, another day.

Stepmother

2007-06-10T20:09:00.001-07:00

I finally got to meet the woman who is supposedly going to be my son’s stepmother. Well to get technical, I knew her while I was married to my ex and she was a friend of a friend. Anyway, she is a fine woman with a daughter of her own and if she is good to my son I have no complaints. I find it hard to read about people who complain about their ex’s new wives/girlfriends etc… What’s the point; I find taking the high road makes me feel light and so content with my own life. Not trying to say I am better than anyone else, just pointing out that it really is easier…..

On the house front we are installing new cabinets in the kitchen. We are so close to being done with the house I am starting to let myself get excited. This house has been quite a labor of love. One of our neighbors said that we were brave for buying the house. I told him we might be stupid; he said there is that fine line and we all laughed. I just can’t wait to have my house in order. Especially, since I will be having a home study done relatively soon. Or should I say hopefully?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

2007-06-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

I hope you have a wonderful birthday Lisa!

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da Life goes on

2007-06-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

I went to the school I am going to be teaching at in the fall today to meet with one of my students. This little boy is being tutored over the summer to give him a head start for next year. His tutor, who is also the mother of one of my X-country/track runners, had him write out questions to interview me. They were very cute questions and I am now very excited about the prospect of teaching 10 & 11 year olds. Not that I didn’t love teaching 4 & 5 year olds it’s just that I really feel like I could make learning fun in a grade, 5th, that sometimes can be very boring.

I also talked to my mentor at my graduate school and we are making the final plans for my demonstration teaching, cohort seminar, tasks and final project. I am starting to get excited about the next school year, instead of feeling stressed. I will be setting up a meeting with the principal and my host teacher soon to get more information about what is expected of me from the school. I will also start to go through my room and start deciding what I want it to look like.

I don’t think I have mentioned before that I have started a running club for my runners this summer. We run everyday from 5:30-6:30. Monday and Wednesday we run 3.5 miles and on Tuesday and Thursday 2.2 miles and drills. A lot of kids and their parents are showing up to run and we are having a blast! I promised the kids that we will do something fun on Friday’s so now I need to do some research on fun things to do :)

In other news I took a big step and organized and am donating William’s old clothes and toys. Most of it is going to dream mommy’s boy, and the rest that isn’t in great condition will be donated. This process was very emotional for me. I guess I just truly believed that I would have another child by now. But I am just trying to focus on going to classes and getting a child that needs a forever family. The fact that most of the stuff is going to smiley makes me VERY happy! I love that little boy!

Oh, in funny news, I had to cancel my GYN appt. today because I had my period. I rescheduled and am going to bring up the fact to him that I am not ovulating. Do you guys think that I should reveal my IVF past?

CD 1

2007-06-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

Like it matters, just thought I would post it:)

Going for it!

2007-06-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

So we have decided to go ahead and take the classes starting on June 30th. Now we need to find out what time it is at so that I can make arrangements with my ex since he still wants William that week; which is fine. So I keep calling to find out what time the classes start and end so I can buy a plane ticket. I think I am annoying them because I keep calling and leaving messages, but I don’t care. I hate that they feel they can give you 2 weeks notice and you are suppose to just jump at the opportunity. I don’t know about you guys but I have a life. So I will continue to call and make arrangements. The plus side of William going with his dad is that he will probably be there for all three classes so we won’t have to get a babysitter. Even though I had every intention of dropping him of at Lisa’s house:) I am starting to get hopeful again. I have been browsing the waiting children search page and have found a sibling set of 2 girls that I would like to meet. They are 5 and 6 years old. At first I was worried about changing the birth order, but then Brad and Angelina did it….I’M KIDDING. Seriously, I was concerned about it and still am, but I am also open to the possibility of getting a girl that is older, but no older probably than 7. I don’t think I would ever get a boy that is older, but knows…..Anyway, that is where we are at.

update

2007-06-04T20:13:00.001-07:00

We had a great time on our cruise! I would share pictures, but I didn’t bring my digital camera because I couldn’t find it since our house is still a mess from our move. Yes, we finally moved into our house. Yes, we have electricity, water, the whole works. However, the house is still a work in progress and we are renovating the kitchen as I speak. After that we will finish the utility room, master bath and closet. Then, dare I say we will be done with all the “quote on quote” entire essential living space. We will probably need to refinish the wood floors in the kitchen and the office since they had tile covering them and they look a bit discolored. Oh, and I guess we need to re-do the bathroom we are using now, but in comparison to the other work we had to do it will feel easy….I hope!

Let me back up a little to update you all on the little boy that I was hoping to get. As I posted before the boy’s worker had called and wanted to get us into classes ASAP. So I called her the day after I got home from the cruise to see if there was another class starting somewhere that we could attend to get the process moving. When I called and talked to her she acted like she didn’t know who I was anymore and told me that my boy was already placed in another home. She then proceeded to me that there are plenty of kids out there and that I shouldn’t be discouraged. Then she suddenly remembered who I was and went into detail about how the people they placed him with were further along in the certification than we were (obviously)…..but they weren’t even done with classes. Anyway, I hung up the phone and fell apart. I cried and felt so empty. I had never even met this child, but I was so hopeful. All I could think about was my best friend Lisa, and all she has been through, and how well she has kept it together and is a pillar of strength. I was once again humbled by every foster parent in the world who is able to love unconditionally, absolutely, completely. This whole ordeal made my husband and I think seriously about private adoption. Then I looked into it a little and found out it has its own whole lingo and it seems to be very confusing, but I’m sure if we pursue it, I will pick it up, just like ART and foster-adopt speak.

Today I called a private adoption agency in Baton Rouge and left a message. I also called to find out what the hell was going on with getting into classes since I went to the orientation in March. I got a call back today saying that they intended to invite us to the Saturday classes that will start on June 30th-July 14th. Of course these dates conflict with my schedule again since my son is suppose to spend the week of the 4th in Chicago with his father and I was going to leave on June 30th to bring him there. I was just going to stay for the entire month since we are going on a family vacation with Peter’s family on the 14th -22nd and my cousin is getting married on the 28th and I am singing at her wedding. I was all set to call the worker back and tell her that we couldn’t make those dates but then I talked to Lisa and she told me that I should just ask my ex if we could change the week of visitation. He is not unreasonable and I have been more than flexible with visitations so I don’t see it being a huge issue, but we will see. I am also going to call tomorrow to see when the next classes start after these; just to see if it would fit in our schedule better. But honestly, I would love to only spend a week in Chicago and one week in Michigan for vacation this summer. I love Baton Rouge and would rather be here with my husband and child to live my actual life, and not the lives of my large extended family. Enough rambling, I will update you with my decision as soon as I know what it is.

Tag! I'm it!

2007-05-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by Baby Blues! This is the first time ever and I am almost at a loss on what to write, but here we go…..

I am a mother of a wonderful little boy that I couldn’t live without.

I am a wife to a man that I want to live for.

I am the most loyal, honest friend you will ever have.

I am a runner who gets to share her passion with a group of children

I am a teacher who wants to make learning fun and relative

I am a singer of karaoke on Saturday nights

I am a Leo through and through

I am feisty and I can bring out the best and worst in people.

I am a role model to many

I am aware that my choices directly affect others

I am excited to adopt from the foster care system

I am humbled everyday by every foster parent and their journey

I am tagging…..

Lisa
Tamara
Amanda

YOU’RE IT!

Good week

2007-05-09T14:21:00.001-07:00

A few good things that have happened this week and it is only Wednesday!

v Saturday was our second wedding anniversary. We went to NO and had a great time. I truly love my husband more everyday!

v We have water at my house! Now, I know that most of you have water, but this is a new addition to our house that we are renovating. Now if we can get electricity I would be very happy.

v We are going on a cruise! That’s right, the much needed break we both need is going to happen Memorial weekend. I am so excited.

v I was offered a job! I needed to student teach at the beginning of next year and the school that my son is going to just happens to need a 5th grade teacher. So I will “student teach” for the first 12 weeks, and then will just stay on as the regular teacher. This will be a big change from teaching 4 year olds, but I think I am ready for it.

v And last but definitely not least, I finally got a call back from my boy's worker and it seems like they are starting to get their acts together and are going to get us into classes ASAP! Of course the week they want us to start is the week we are going on the cruise, but I am not worried. It will happen when it happens. I am really trying to live by that motto and not get stressed out about things that I can not control. The plan is to have us take classes in a different parish, but have my home study done by a worker in my own parish. Wish us luck, and speed!

LOW POINT

2007-05-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

My angioedema has hit an all time low; literally….I kept waking up last night because my vajayjay was itchy, but not too bad. I initially thought that maybe it was a yeast infection since I had gone swimming earlier, but wasn’t sure since I have never had one before. It seemed to keep getting worse so I finally just got up and went to the bathroom to see what was going on, and low and behold, one side of my vajayjay was swollen to twice the size of the other side. The saddest part is that I was happy that it wasn’t my face this time. Unfortunately, this seems like it will continue for the rest of my life. I have been to an allergist and it is NOT hereditary angeioedema, it was induced by too much estrogen exposure from my first IVF. I wonder what the differences between the two are.
Anyway, this brings me to the e-mail that I am sending to my dumbass fertility doctor in Colorado who said when I called him two weeks after my first failed cycle that there was no way that any of the drugs that he had prescribed could have had influence on why my lip was swelling. He suggested I take some benadryl and relax. The e-mail will include the name of the drug, CLIMARA, as the culprit of this induced angioedema. I just thought that he should be informed about the side effects of the drug he prescribed since he doesn’t seem do the research himself. I know that I was never told about this side effect by him. I will post my e-mail to him when I am done with it.
In better news, it seems as if my house is finally coming together and might even be livable by May 11th, the day we have to move in. At this point all we need is for the major things to be inspected and turned on. Honestly, as long as I have a working toilet and shower everything else is plus.
In other house news I really hurt myself yesterday. My husband is doing all of the plumbing for the house, and as most of you know in Louisiana a lot of the houses are on pier and beams. This means that you can technically go underneath your house if you want. My husband has been accessing the underneath of our house through an old floor heart vent and had left it open, needless to say it got dark and I fell though it. Nothing is broke, just badly bruised and sore.
No news on my prospective adoptive child, nothing, no calls back, no pending information, nothing. I will keep calling; it is all I can do.

Smiley

2007-05-01T16:44:00.001-07:00

Smiley's court date was cancelled today. I don’t have all the information, and am figuring that Dream Mommy will post about it tomorrow.

Brought to you by the number 5

2007-04-15T19:07:00.001-07:00

My last post was number 55. Now this number may not have any significance to anyone else, but it does to me. My husband and I love the number 5, and honestly, we don't feel we need to give any explanation why. We just do okay. We both wore it when a number was required while playing a sport and always choose it when someone says to pick a number. In fact, we love the number so much we got married on 05/05/05. Yes, I know that a lot of people are getting married on 07/07/07, but it lands on a Saturday and that is convenient. We got married on a Thursday!

Anyway, just wanted to talk about my favorite number!

A lot has happened since my last post about infertility/ adoption. For one my throat swelled shut and I had to go to the ER so that I wouldn’t die. Yes, this swelling is the angioedema that I got as a result of too must estrogen from my failed IVF cycle. It is such a lovely reminder.

Secondly, I went to the foster parent orientation meeting and have filled out all the paper work, now I just need to get a LA driver’s license and we will be good to go! Except, when I asked about when the next classes would start and I got the answer that it doesn’t matter because they are already filled.
So, I felt a little disappointed until I talked to dream mommy and her husband and they had been called to take a two year old boy, but they want smiley to be the oldest of their bunch, but they told their worker that they would ask us if we wanted a boy of that age, and I of course was shocked, but (cautiously) excited. (Sorry about the run on.) It sounds like this child’s parental rights will be terminated within the next 30 days and that his foster parents will keep him until we get certified. I know that I might be getting ahead of myself, but I like the hope that goes along with. I haven’t felt it in such a long time. I am in Chicago right now, but when I get back we will set up a time to meet him (guess I need to come up with an internet name!) Honestly, I can’t wait! Dream mommy says that if he is a right fit for our family our certification will be moved to top priority and we should be able to get into the classes sooner.

I will be in Chicago until Thursday and I feel like my “real” life has stopped because I am here! I can’t wait to get home and get back to working on my house and expanding my family.

Oh, I guess I haven’t mentioned that we bought a house and that it is from the 1920’s and that it hasn’t been updated since then! It has been quite a labor of love. I will post pictures soon.

Oh, and we need to pick a new book to read! And please help me come up with an internet name for my new little guy. I want to call him hope, but it sounds to girly; what do you think?

Also, I have not been ignoring you guys, my parents just have dial up and it takes forever to sign in and leave messages; but I am reading!!!!

Book Club Question #3

2007-04-06T17:48:00.001-07:00

Clarrisa had a group of friends that she called the "Star Chamber." Do you have a tight knit group of friends, and if so, give a description of each. Obviously you do not have to give real names:)

Another questions anyone can answer!

Also, if you have a question you would like to add post it in the comments section and I will post it!

Second Book Club Question from Baby Blues!

2007-04-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

If you were Clarissa, would you go back to the father of your child, the man you married, even if you married him under false pretenses?

First Question

2007-03-27T20:03:00.001-07:00

In the book Maneater, the main character, Clarissa, said that she takes/learns something from every boy toy, what is something you have taken with you/learned from your ex-boyfriends/husband?
You can answer this question even if you haven't read the book!

2007-03-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

BOOK CLUB

2007-03-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

Is everyone done reading and ready to discuss our book?

My Man

2007-03-18T16:51:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to put out there that I love, love, love my husband. No particular reason, just because.

Dreams and Reality

2007-03-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

What happens when all of your dreams come true? Do you dream up new ones, or do you bask in the ones that have been achieved? This is the question I have been asking myself for the last month. My dream was to be a stay at home mom with a very involved, loving husband. I would drive my children to play dates, sports, school. I would take care of our home and make sure that things were in order so that when my husband came home we all would be able to spend time together. I would live in the South, specifically New Orleans, so that I would be close to the Mississippi and so that my children would experience diversity and culture. Not that you can’t find that in other cities, but NO has always felt like home to me.
So now I am married to the most wonderful guy, I have a hilarious 4 year old, and I live in Baton Rouge, La; which to me is close enough to NO. Why am I so unhappy then? Is it the fact that I can’t have another child? Or is it that I underestimated what my dreams really were?
This next part is even going to sound even worse. For some reason I have always thought that I should be important, for what I have no idea, but definitely known around the world; or at least in the US. Maybe it’s because I have a lot of talents such as being a runner, singer, songwriter, teacher, master organizer, mentor, mother. But I never had the confidence or support to really be the best at any of those things. Don’t get me wrong, I have known what it means to shine and my best I’m sure might sound different to others. I was the number one runner in my junior high and high school, I was an all conference basketball player and played on the varsity team all four years, I was a track star and broke school records, I sang the national anthem before all of my sporting events; and I played boy soccer my sophomore year. On top of all that I was the homecoming and prom queen and my class’ president. I was probably the most popular girl in school, but I didn’t really have any friends. I went to college and it was the same, but just with more responsibilities.
So what is it that is making me not able to get out of bed in the morning? What is this feeling of being not complete, empty? Yes, I know the clinical term is depression, but really what should I be doing with my life? I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like this. I read a book by Po Bronson called What Should I Do with My Life and my favorite chapter, no doubt, was about New Orleans and the title was Ambition in Neutral. That is me, Ambition in Neutral. I should make tee-shirts.
I do feel better writing this all down, but still don’t know what to do with myself. I know the logical solution is to spend time with my son and make the most of the life I have, and yes, I realize how lucky I am to have a child and a great husband and the ability to stay at home and have enough of everything. But should that mean that I can’t want more? Be more? Feel more?
Want to know something ironic? My best friend from high school has written a book and appeared on David Letterman. She also wrote a screenplay in which Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman are filming at this very moment. Also, I was close to someone who is a part of the road crew for a little band called Fall Out Boy, ever hear of it, of course you have. What am I trying to say? I don’t know, maybe I feel like I was closer to being more than just a pretty face. I have always surrounded myself with talented people, but I guess I never felt like I deserved to be anything.
I have always felt that is was selfish to go to after my dreams. Even more than feeling selfish, I thought it was conceded. I thought that if I pursued anything too much that wasn’t considered noble I would be viewed as a flake. Maybe it was just that I couldn’t let go, let people see who I really was. I know that I felt like I didn’t deserve good things, but that is a whole other story. Maybe that is why I have always tried to define myself by other, what they think, how they feel, what their dreams or wants are. In fact, I have supported two men who have successfully reached their life’s ambitions. At least now I am with a man who loves me unconditionally and really wants me to be happy no matter what it is that I want to do with my life, he will support me. So that makes me want to do something, but I just don’t know what.
Now that I really think about it I wanted to be a stay at home mom because I thought it would be easy and that I would be good at it. It was safe, noble. There was no risk of failure, no way could I be hurt, or so I thought.
So now I feel stuck figuring out my life’s ambition. Could it possibly be staying home with my son, will that be enough? I know that I will look back at thee times with him and realize how precious they are. And I truly enjoy the time we do spend together.
I even went so far as to live new dreams only to have them fall short of my expectations. I tried out with a band in New Orleans and they wanted me, but I couldn’t commit. There were a lot of reasons why but mainly there were too many other things that I wanted to do. So indecisive.

What is your dream? Your life ambition? Your thoughts?
Are you doing what you always wanted to do?

Are you reading?

2007-03-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone is enjoying the book as much as I am! Baby Blues wanted to know if we have a time frame and I think that by the end of this month should be enough time, if not, let me know and we can change it.
A lot has been going on in my life but I don't have the strength to write about it yet. I will, but I need to get back into my life first.

And the winner is......

2007-02-24T17:57:00.001-08:00

Maneater
by Gigi Levangie Grazer
Gorgeous, funny, and wildly uninhibited, her exes are a veritable "Who's Who" of Hollywood power players. At 28 (31), she is blessed with a firm (if curvaceous) bod, a designer wardrobe, a Daddy-subsidized apartment, and an A-list speed-dial. But with her thirty-second birthday looming, our heroine is starting to panic. Who on earth (read: Hollywood) could possibly make Clarissa Alpert an honest woman? Enter Aaron Mason, the latest hottest new producer in town. From the moment Clarissa sees him, she sets her sights on making him the future "Mr. Alpert." With the eager help of her vivacious (if neurotic) friends, her aerobicized Latina mother, her philandering (but loving) ex-con father, and the most divine gay waiter in Hollywood, Clarissa finds herself phoning the florist to the stars (his private line) and planning the biggest wedding the town has seen in years -- before the couple's first date. Catching Aaron's eye is not a problem. But it seems her intended might have his own agenda. Could it be Clarissa has finally bitten off more than she can chew?

*I figure we will probably get to them all so let's start with a juicy, guilty pleasure! I hope that more people will join us this month, this really will be a lot of fun!

Going once, going twice.....

2007-02-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

So far no one really cares which of the books we read, I am going to give it one more full day to see if anyone else has an opinion either way and then I will announce it tonight!

Read with me?

2007-02-20T15:57:00.000-08:00

And the contenders are........

Mr. Maybe
by Jane Green
To Libby Mason, Mr. Right has always meant Mr. Rich. A twenty-seven-year-old publicist, she's barely able to afford her fashionable and fabulous lifestyle, and often has to foot the bill for dates with Struggling Writer Nick, a sexy but perpetually strapped-for-cash guy she's dating (no commitments -- really). So when Ed, Britain's wealthiest but stodgiest bachelor, enters the picture, her idea of the fairy-tale romance is turned on its head. Libby soon finds herself weighing the advantages of Nick's sexual prowess and tender heart against Ed's luxurious lifestyle and unlimited retail therapy. But when the diamond shopping commences, Libby is forced to realize that the time for "maybe" is up.

The Pact
by Jennifer Sturman
Rachel Benjamin and her four college girlfriends promise to keep each other from romancing unlikable men by whatever means necessary. A decade later, the still-close group reunites at a lavish Adirondack vacation home for the wedding of one member to the utterly despicable Richard. The rehearsal dinner finds the friends lamenting the senseless match and their inability to keep the pact, but their distress doesn't last long: on the morning of the wedding, Rachel discovers Richard dead in the pool. Suddenly, the house guests—including the girlfriends, the bride's parents and the groom's attractive best man, Peter—are all suspects. While policemen survey the scene, Rachel embarks on a well-intentioned, clumsy and often-misguided search for the murderer and an equally awkward romantic pursuit of Peter. Quirky Rachel aside, the characters are one-dimensional, and the dialogue is superficial; Sturman's writing is comic, but laden with clichés. So why is this debut so thoroughly enjoyable? Perhaps it's because Rachel is such a winning detective: she sifts through clues at the reader's pace and does so with wit and pluck. The novel's mise-en-scène—successful, attractive Ivy League graduates at a lakeside mansion—makes for escapist pleasure, and well-placed cliffhangers, a careful distribution of motives and unexpected twists promise readers light, satisfying suspense.

Waiting for Daisy
by Peggy Orenstein
Orenstein now offers a very personal account of her road to becoming a mother. Orenstein was a happily married 35-year-old when she decided she wanted to have a baby. While she knew it might not be easy (she had only one ovary and was heading into her late 30s), she had no idea of the troubles she'd face. First, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, fortunately treatable. After waiting the recommended recovery period, she miscarried with a dangerous "partial molar pregnancy," so she had to avoid becoming pregnant for at least six months. Soon she was riding the infertility roller coaster full-time, trying everything from acupuncture to IVF and egg donation. She endured depression and more miscarriages while spending untold thousands of dollars. Even her very understanding husband was beginning to lose patience, when, surprisingly, she got pregnant with her daughter, Daisy. While readers don't have to be fertility obsessed to enjoy this very witty memoir (with its ungainly subtitle), for the growing number of women struggling with infertility this book may become their new best friend. (Feb.)

The Girls' Almanac
by Emily Franklin
The Girls' Almanac chronicles the lives of Jenna and Lucy—two thirty-something women who desperately long for a true friend—as well as the lives of the women and men who have touched them: friends, lovers, parents, and neighbors. Set across the Northeast—through suburban neighborhoods, preppy camps, island resorts, and Ivy League colleges—as well as far flung locales like Ecuador and Iceland, The Girls' Almanac traces the friendships of women willing to risk both self-consciousness and intimacy, loss and betrayal, in pursuit of a proper best friend. Exploring the fascinating closeness and distance that female friendships encompass, The Girls' Almanac reveals the map of Jenna and Lucy's interconnected lives, and ultimately their pathways to each other.

Maneater
by Gigi Levangie Grazer
Gorgeous, funny, and wildly uninhibited, her exes are a veritable "Who's Who" of Hollywood power players. At 28 (31), she is blessed with a firm (if curvaceous) bod, a designer wardrobe, a Daddy-subsidized apartment, and an A-list speed-dial. But with her thirty-second birthday looming, our heroine is starting to panic. Who on earth (read: Hollywood) could possibly make Clarissa Alpert an honest woman? Enter Aaron Mason, the latest hottest new producer in town. From the moment Clarissa sees him, she sets her sights on making him the future "Mr. Alpert." With the eager help of her vivacious (if neurotic) friends, her aerobicized Latina mother, her philandering (but loving) ex-con father, and the most divine gay waiter in Hollywood, Clarissa finds herself phoning the florist to the stars (his private line) and planning the biggest wedding the town has seen in years -- before the couple's first date. Catching Aaron's eye is not a problem. But it seems her intended might have his own agenda. Could it be Clarissa has finally bitten off more than she can chew?

If anyone has any other suggestions let me know so they can be posted before we take a vote. We will vote on Thursday of this week and the book we will be reading will be announced on Friday. We will discuss our selection the week of March 26th . I figure that each one of us could come up with a topic from the book to be discussed during that week, but we will play it by ear. I am up for any and all suggestions!

Book Club Anyone?

2007-02-19T17:08:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking that if anyone else is interested we could start a blog book club! I love to read as they call it chick lit and it helps me take my mind off everything else. I just thought it would be fun to pick a book a month and then blog about it, good/bad etc… I don’t know, wouldn’t it be fun to get to know each other through our book selections? They could even be books about adoption or anything that might interest you. What do you think?

Moving on...

2007-02-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

I haven’t posted in awhile; I am still recovering from the funeral. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it would actually hit me. The service and funeral were beautiful. Princess looked absolutely precious, and the love from her mother and father was felt through out the whole room. I just wish there was more that I could do for Dream Mommy.

I had another bout of my angioedema, swelling occurred in my tounge and lips, I looked pretty funny:P Unfortunaetly, all it does is remind me of my failed IVF.

On a positive note, we received our invitation for the foster to adopt orientation. I am excited and can’t wait! I love reading about everyone elses experiences and will be curious to see what emotions these classes will stir up in me since I too was once a part of the program….

My friend

2007-02-15T12:26:00.000-08:00

I just talked to dream mommy for the first time ever today. Well, in the sense that I actually heard her voice. What a wonderful, compassionate, REAL person. I will be attending princess's funeral tomorrow and feel honored to do so. I just wish there was something more I could do for this person who has always gone out of her way to be helpful to me. The best thing about Dream Mommy is that she has a heart gold, and the reason she is so nice is just because that is who she is. There is no pretense with this woman. I feel lucky to call her my friend. Please continue to send your prayers and good thoughts her way.

PRAYERS!!

2007-02-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

Please send your prayers to DREAM MOMMY and her family. Her little girl is in the hospital because she stopped breathing at daycare. Prayers, prayers, prayers!

Good Day!

2007-02-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

I had a blast with my son today! It was just very relaxed and carefree. It's so great when when you can just sit back and enjoy each other's company.

Allegations

2007-02-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

I got some great advice from all of you on my last post. Thank you. One subject that came up that really made me think was the possibility of allegations made by a foster child. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know this is a concern for some, but my husband and I both have agreed to put it in Gods hands. We can not let fear dictate how our family grows. In fact I will not let fear dictate any part of my life. However, we are not naïve and know to document EVERYTHING.
Another part of my life that many of you don’t know about is that I have been a head start teacher for many years. Head start is a government funded program for low income families. These families are expected to participate in and essential run the pre-school program for their children. It gives them a voice and teaches them how to be advocates for their children. Most of these families are very grateful for all that they are being offered and given, however, there are a few that really take advantage of the system. I unfortunately encountered one of these parents two years ago.
To just give you some background, this parent was separated (not legally though) from her husband and felt that he had no rights; even though we explained over and over again that unless there was legal documentation he could come and take their child at anytime; and there was nothing we could do about it. She also felt the need to be bossy and throw her weight around at every conceivable moment, and lastly, EXPECTED, special treatment just because.
Now, I had never dealt with a parent of this caliber before, but had it pretty well under control. However, the affects that the mother’s behavior had on her child were astounding. This child was unfortunately starting to think that she deserved special treatment and would push the limits in my classroom. She would also lie quite often for attention or to get her way; another trait she picked up from mom. One day, after class, I got a phone call from her mother; I do need to say that the mother did want to talk to me directly so I do respect that, but she told me that C had said that I had hit her in class that day. I assured her that it did not happen and she did say that she did not believe it but just had to check. However, I directed her to my supervisors to report the incident.
The moral of this story is that I had documented the mother’s and child’s behaviors from the beginning of the year and had reported all of it to both of my supervisors. Therefore, the allegations were not shocking, nor were they taken seriously or with any merit, because of my detailed documentation and communication with the necessary people. I guess what I am tring to say is that we or at least I am somewhat prepared.
On another note, my husband and I went to the book store this last weekend and were very discouraged and disappointed with the amount and the content of the adoption books available. One book that I did read for myself a couple of months ago, and recommend for anyone thinking about adopting is, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. As an adoptive child I really felt that this book represented my journey. In fact, it helped me understand a lot of my own emotions and issues; some emotions and issues that I didn’t even know I had.
Still, I would love to get something that talks about trans-racial adoptions and adoptions of older children, and the issues that can arise in those situations. Any suggestions?

starting over

2007-02-06T20:16:00.001-08:00

Thanks to all of you who have sent your honest opinions, well wishes and support. I will not identify the people who have said that they agree with me by e-mail, I would never betray your confidentiality. I have also taken a big step today by setting up my orientation meeting for the foster-adopt program in our state and am supper excited! This step has also prompted me to continue posting on this blog. Dream mommy is right, what a wonderful way to document the way our child becomes apart of this family.
I have never disclosed this information before, but I am an adopted child who actually went through the foster-adopt program. I had a wonderful family and am grateful of that everyday. I am also a step-daughter. My adoptive father was killed in a car accident. My son also has a step-father, obviously my husband. Therefore, I am thrilled to have a chance to create a supportive, loving environment for a child who desperately deserves a family.
The first couple of questions the social worker asked seemed easy enough, but already my husband and I are contemplating our options. At first we were sure that we wanted a child who was younger than our son. Our logical thinking behind this was that we didn’t want to change the birth order. However, we have decided not to put limitations on who we will or will not accept. Boy, girl, baby, teenager, black, white, we will accept whoever is a right fit for our family. The orientation is on February 26th. Only one of us needs to be there for that meeting, but we both will need to be there for the classes that will start May 15th and that will continue for six weeks on Tuesdays, 6-9pm. Now we just need to find a babysitter for our boy while we are at the classes! After the orientation I believe that we will be starting the home study process that we have been told will take about 90 days. It is amazing that I will be “paper pregnant” very soon, and as dream mommy said I will probably have a placement by the end of the year!

Superbowl

2007-02-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

I guess you do need a quarterback to win the superbowl? Guess we should get one.....

Not my posts, Not my words, Just my basis

2007-02-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

*#2 - I really hate it when people comment anonymous. To the person that informed me about the beautiful "snowflake" organization, please don't treat me like I am stupid. I am fully aware of what a beautiful thing any type of adoption is - embyro or otherwise. What I don't like is being made to feel like a murderer if I don't give my two remaining frosties to adoption.

*This is about me people - not your mom or whatever MIL is cooking for her. MEEEEEEE!O.K., so sometimes the whole second wife thing sucks.

*And my stepkids? Love them but 2 out of 3 had strep throat this weekend. Has anyone ever taught these kids to cover there mouth when they cough? I'm feeling scratchy and I am not happy about it.

*Vasectomy Rant http://needleinmybum.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_archive.html

*I cannot accurately describe the jealousy involved in knowing that your husband went through childbirth 3 times with another woman. It's a pain that just won't go away. It's an underlying resentment that eats away at you.

*boohag" is the special name I use for his ex-wife.

*Why would he talk to me about boohag's pregnancies and say his vasectomy was a good idea? He said I backed him into a corner by saying his vasectomy was stupid.

*I have informed him that no matter what I say he is to never ever ever ever mention any details about boohags pregnancies or "trimesters" or anything regarding the fact that he has been through childbirth before. It is like stabbing me directly in the heart.

*If my mother in law tells me one more time that being a step-mom is the next best thing to being a mom I will scream. I love my step kids but it isn't even close. The kids are at our house every other weekend, 1 week at Christmas and 3 weeks in the summer. I know we are an influence on their lives but we don't have any direct say in the running of their day to day lives. I don't look at them and see myself in there faces. Their voices don't sound like mine as they are getting older.

*There is a special kind of pain that goes with infertility after vas-reversal. My husband has 3 children with his ex-wife. Because they decided not to use birth control, he had a vasectomy. We now have to suffer and pay for this awful decision he made with his ex-wife. When I see his children it breaks my heart.

*Even if IVF does work for us, the fact that I have to go through this needle in the bum crap and pay for it makes me really pisses me off. His ex-wife has since had her tubes tied which only makes me more bitter.

*He has finally figured out that if he puts a picture of boohag (the ex) up on a slide projector, I am going to fucking lose it. Now is not the time for me to see boohag at 24yrs old with their darling new baby (my great stepdaughter L).

*When I served this on the weekend, my oldest step daughter (13yrs) told me that I am definitely a better cook then her mom. I couldn't hide the smile.

*I think I might be punishing my husband. He gave his ex-wife three beautiful children in the easiest, most loving way and because of a decision they made (vasectomy), I have to go through hell and back to acheive the same. Am I trying to make him hurt as bad as I do?

*He just doesn't understand the pain of a stepmom on mothers day. I can't wait to see his mom and sister give the kids something to give there mom, that's a treat I look forward to every year!

* I have seen him cry many times. He's cried because he doesn't have his children full time.

*At the same time, hubbie was a newlywed and easily procreating (it stings my eye's to even write this). It never took him longer than 3 months of ttc to get the babies he wanted.

*I have a teeny tiny jealous streak so he knew better than to disagree.

JUST DONE

2007-02-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

After tonight’s rants I have decided to stop blogging all together. It is true that I can’t keep my mouth shut and I never will. Also, honestly, it is bringing me down. Instead of playing with my son and hanging out with my husband tonight I was responding to someone who is not important to me at all. How could I be so blind? Not that you all don’t mean anything to me, but there are 2 people who I couldn’t live without, and I refuse to focus on anything thing else except them. I am going to live my life in the moment, and what will be, will be. I’m not saying that I won’t pursue adoption or try another IVF round, but it will be between my husband and me. If anyone would like to keep in touch just send me your e-mail addresses! GOOD LUCK AND THANK YOU!

*I will leave these posts up for another week. Seriously, I would love to hear your honest feed back about them, and also, about what you expect when you blog.

NEW RESPONSE

2007-02-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

She has taken down all of our posts and has declared that now I am just boring her. Good! I'm glad that she can see that in the big picture I am insignificant

did not include one of my post

2007-02-01T18:11:00.000-08:00

Here are the last of the posts I hope!

JFTIF:

I've deleted her again - why? Because I don't think she deserves traffic from my blog. But, I am certainly not a wimp and don't want to be seen as one so I'll don't mind reposting her comment for her.

But she deleted my last post below, so maybe I hit a nerve again!

My response:

Not a wimp? But not posting every response......What? Was the last one too true? I think you would rather assumptions they make you look better if you can believe it! Don't worry I have posted them all at my blog site so the truth will be shown. And the fact is that you have used my name and most people will have no problem finding me if they really wanted to. Again, you really are funny and you must think very highly of yourself!:)Don't worry I am done with you, obviously you can't stand for someone to disagree with you and I do on so many levels. Some people are just like that, I understand. Good bye and good luck.

I hope you all know that I am a very supportive person, but I just couldn't take her comments about her step-children. I knew that this was coming and I should have just stopped reading her site, but really I want the best for her, and the best thing right now is to just let it be. This has been a huge lesson for me....Don't get emotionally involved, but then what is the point????? If she was my friend, which I consider all of you to be, I would have said the same things. Sorry, but my style of friendship comes with a heaping of honesty. Maybe it is time to close this blog down. Oh, and for her to insinuate that I want her blog traffic is ridiculous, I guess she doesn't read my blog in which I stated I write for myself. Maybe I'll buy a journal:)

more responses

2007-02-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

From JFTIB:

Ummm, no - you didn't post as anonymous because you want traffic from my attention whoring blog. And no, I didn't meet my husband until 6 months after his wife LEFT HIM. Sure, the divorce took 6 years but she was living with his best friend for months before we ever met. The assumptions never end.

My response:

No, you just keep twisting the truth he was someone's husband no matter what the circumstances were, and when you married him that would make the other woman his first wife and you his second. Also, I did state it as a question.I love your defensiveness, maybe I am wrong about you. And I also love your assumptions about me!!! You totally make me laugh! What’s that saying, the pot calling the kettle black? You really think highly of yourself and your blog, that’s good, I’m happy for you.

I guess I touched a nerve

2007-02-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

Original post from Jenny from the Infertility Block:

Let's Define "Help"
The one topic I have stayed away from is my stepchildren. There are a few reasons but mainly because they are good kids. Even when they piss me off, I can step back and realize that they are teenagers and it could be alot worse. Sure, I wish the middle one wasn't the spitting image of her mother and that the youngest one would get a damn hair cut but these aren't major issue's. The kids are 14(girl), 13(girl) and 10(boy). I've been in their lives for almost 8 years now so we've been together for quite a while. We have them every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer. They live a little over an hour away from us. My biggest complaint has to do with me and the fact that I am not old enough to deal with teenagers, hell, wasn't I a teenager just yesterday?
So now we get into today's bitchfest topic.
My husband asked his 13yr old if she wants to stay for the entire summer to help take care of the baby.
Are you fucking kidding?
Maybe I'm new here but I don't think I'll need that much help with the baby from someone who has zero experience with babies. What I need is somebody to unload my dishwasher, fold the laundry or bring over a lasagne so I don't have to make diner. I don't need somebody to hold my baby until it poops and hand it back to me. Teenagers are lazy, it is just a simple fact. When they leave after a weekend I spend half an hour putting away nailpolish bottles, video games and junk food wrappers. I don't need another person to cook for and clean up after.
Summer is when friends take holidays and people do most of there visiting. I don't want to drag a 13yr old with me everywhere. Sure, it's great for hubbie because he works all day, he won't have to put up with an MTV/MSN junkie. We already have his kids for 3 weeks in the summer, that is enough. When they are here it's alot of work for me cooking, cleaning and entertaining them. Maybe I should go away for a weekend so he can refresh his memory?
The best part is that he did this without asking me. That's right, I didn't get asked, I got told.
There isn't much I can do now except hope that it doesn't happen. As much as I love my own company, I think that hanging out with your stepmom and a poopy baby would lose it's luster after a while.

My response:

"I agree that he should have asked you first, but this is his daughter not some guest. Is the house you reside in also hers? Unfortunately, it seems that you feel that she is not really a part of "your" family and that makes me sad. It also makes me sad that no one else has the guts to say this to you. The fact is that your husband already has children that he probably wishes could live with him all the time. This girl will be your child's sister. I think that if you set some ground rules and set up a chore chart like any child would have at their home you might find her to be very helpful. Don’t get me wrong I know that you want alone time with your child, you want that intimate time with your husband, and you should get it. But the reality is that this is your husband’s fourth child. Sometimes it seems like you don’t really know the situation you got yourself into. There are “firsts” that you two will not experience together. Oh, and not all teenagers are lazy. This could be a great opportunity to teach your daughter responsibility and work ethic. And again, your husband needs to be aware of your concerns and he to should pick up some of the slack once the baby is born. The comment that really bothers me and if my ex ever gets remarried I would tell him to run from someone who would say, “We already have his kids for 3 weeks in the summer, that is enough.” Really? Would that be enough time to spend with your biological child this summer? That again makes me very, very sad. Yes, children are a lot of work and one day your own child will be a teenager, but hopefully you won’t have the same attitude. I bit my tongue about your vasectomy rants, but when comes to his biological children I can’t. I just wish others wouldn't perpetuate your selfishness. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have a child who might have a stepmother one day and I don't ever want him to feel second best or not at "home" because his father is re-married and about to have a baby. Also it is hard for me to understand the jealousy you feel towards your husbands life before you.....move on, you are blessed, focus on that. "

Her Response:

I can handle someone disagreeing with me. What I can't take is somebody making alot of assumptions about me. When you decide to do that, you put me in a defensive position in which I find it necessary to defend myself. So sorry to bore everybody but somebody needs to know that she doesn't fucking know me just because she reads my blog.

Just to get this out of the way.....EVERYBODY I know tells me I am the BEST stepmom they have ever seen. In fact, even my stepchildren tell me that I am the BEST stepmom in the world. Why? Because I treat them like gold.
The house that I RESIDE in is MY FUCKING HOUSE. There is one name on the deed, one name on the mortgage - MINE! I chose to buy a four bedroom house so that when my stepchildren are over, they are not all crammed into one room. The kids have beautiful big bedrooms with a ton of toys. More shit than alot of kids have, especially when they only spend 4 days a month at our house. No - MY HOUSE is not her permanent residence. I already said that they LIVE an hour away from us so isn't that obvious?
To say I don't feel like they are a part of my family? How dare you say that. My stepchildren were all in our wedding party and played an important part in our wedding because on that day, we became a family for life. In fact, the children were included in the vows. I don't call them my children because they aren't - that would be disrespecting their mother which I will not do. They are my stepchildren and they will be part of my family for the rest of my life. Every member of my family treats his children like they are there own.
Of course my husband wishes he had his children full time but it's not that way, and hasn't been for 8 years. If he does want to have them full time, I would support him, but he certainly needs to discuss it with me first as we are a FAMILY - I am not an outsider just because I came second.
"This girl will be my childs sister". Are you fucked? The most exciting part of this pregnancy was telling my stepchildren that they are going to have a brother or sister. They put their hands on my belly and feel the kicks. We stare at ultrasound pictures together. We ohhh and aww over how tiny newborn diapers are. For god sakes, the youngest one sticks his finger in my belly button to see if it's going to pop out soon. Yeah, I think I know that "this girl" will be my child's sister. I would never call her "this girl", she is my stepdaughter.
"I don't know the situation I got myself into". I can count on two fingers the number of times I have mentioned my stepchildren on this blog so how do you think you are qualified to know whether or not I know the situation I got myself into? What makes me such a great stepmom is the fact that I come from a divorced family so I have the view point of what it's like to be in my stepchildren's shoe's. Unless you have walked in both a stepchild's and a stepmom's shoe's, you will never know what I know.
You think I don't know that there are firsts we won't do together? I know our wedding was his second. I know that the birth of our baby will be his forth. Does my style of writing make you think that I am mentally incapable of understanding that?
The 3 weeks we have them every summer? That's when I take my 3 weeks vacation. That's right - I don't take a single week off alone with my husband. I spend my 3 weeks holidays each year entertaining and cleaning up after 3 children who I love because I want to, not because I am required to. Every holiday we take is organized around my stepchildren. Pardon me if I don't think that adjusting to being a full time mom is the right time to take on being a full time stepmom. Both roles require adjustment and I think I am being pretty damn smart in saying that I am not sure I can handle both at the same time.
Don't talk to me about teaching those children work ethic. How dare you assume that I don't? Everytime I make a big meal, I have the kids in the kitchen helping me so they can learn. More often than not, it would be quicker to do it myself, but I think it is important for them to learn.
I feel jealousy towards my husbands life before he met me? When have I ever said that? Or, wait, is it just another assumption you have made? I'm not even going to honor that with a response.
"I just wish others wouldn't perpetuate your selfishness". That's right friends - your comments on my blog are perpetuating my selfishness. Dear Robin doesn't think much of you either.
You know what Robin, go call your first wives meeting and bitch about evil stepmoms until the day you die. Your kids would be lucky to have a stepmom like me. I feel sorry for the woman that has to deal with you someday.
Oh and BTW, my husband and I talked about him inviting his daughter to live with us for the summer. I told him that while I would be o.k. with it, I was disappointed he didn't talk to me first. He understood and apologized. He also said that if she does decide to stay with us, we will make it very clear as to what is expected of her as a full time member of our household. Why, because we are a family and that's how we run OUR family.
p.s. - Statia's right, I really should have just ignored her but I am in a piss ass mood today (we were rear-ended last night, not a happy jenny today). Instead, I've deleted her comment and not linked to her in this post so that she doesn't get extra traffic that she doesn't deserve.

My Response:

I find it funny that my comment makes you so defensive, but I understand it because that’s how people react when they are in denial. And you’re right that I can only go by what you state about yourself on your blog when I prepare a response to a post. Honestly, at this point you still come off as someone who is so unhappy with the fact that your husband was married and had children before he met you. If that is not the case I am sorry, but that is what has been displayed to me. Maybe I shouldn’t have come on so strong, but I had a strong reaction to your words. Isn’t that the point of blogging. I re-read my comment and love the way that you dismiss any part in which I agree with you and focus only on parts that you feel will stir up other people’s opinions about me. I just know that as a step-daughter myself, yes you read that correctly, I would be devastated if either one of my parents would refer to me as lazy, or that I would be a burden to take along to their friends house, or that my house was not mine because they pay for it. Why don’t you let your step-daughter read this post and let her decide how she feels about it? I bet after reading it she wouldn’t want to spend the summer with you, and you would get exactly what you wanted.
If this new post displays your true feeling about your step-children then who was the person who wrote the other one stating that they are MTV/MSN junkies who have to be cleaned up after for a half an hour after they leave? That sounds like they understand work ethic to me. My child is four and he understands how to clean up after himself. However, I would never state that I was the BEST mother ever, but I do the best I can. I heard a great quote once, “when you are good at something you don’t need to tell anyone, everyone just knows.” Maybe you should think about that BEST STEPMOTHER EVER!
I was under the ASSUMPTION that you wanted real responses to your post. I also love that you back up my so called assumption with assumptions of your own. However, I don’t feel that I need to bullet point each one for emphasis, or to make me feel better about myself. And if you don’t want comments from people who disagree with your opinions on your blog why don’t you state that, or keep your thoughts to yourself. This way, people who aren’t just there to stroke your ego can stay away. The sad thing is is that I did like your blog and your stories and could relate to a lot of your life, but I just felt like you took it a step too far “bitching” about your step child spending time at your house. In fact, I cried when I read that you IVF was successful, I was cycling the same time as you and faced a BFN. But truly, I was thrilled that it was happening for you, and I have enjoyed reading about your pregnancy. But maybe you need to re-read some of your posts and maybe then you might see what you are putting out there for the rest of us to read, and unfortunately, interpret.
As for perpetuating, you’re right, I don’t want to surround my self with people who are not honest and who are not willing to help me face issues that might be hard for me to accept. Some people might just want what they term “supportive” comments and most of my comments are, but I also want reality. Obviously, that is not what you want. Oh, and that’s fine that you chose not to link me, LOL, because I am not concerned with how many people look at my blog, are you? Is that your motivation to write?
And I think you have misused the label fist wives club. Isn’t that for women who are divorced from their husbands because the husband left them for a younger, attractive women? Because the fact is I have been a first wife twice now and nether one of my husbands have left me for anyone. However, wasn’t your husband someone else’s husband when you first got together? Didn’t you make his wife part of the first wives club? Oh no, am I assuming again! It is preposterous and immature to assign me to a club because I care about my child’s feelings when I am not with him, not to mention I don’t think I meet the requirements to get in.
Lastly, the fact that you displayed my comment at all I guess does make you my “Bitch, Bitch.” What a pathetic way to get attention, I really ASSUMMED that you would have a bigger vocabulary.
The use of profanity, just another thing that we don’t agree on.

I could have just posted as an anonymous commenter, but I will always take responsibility for my words and the responses they provoke from others.

Anybody care to put me in my place? Maybe I need it?

Almost forgot!!!!

2007-01-29T13:57:00.001-08:00

GO BEARS!!!!!!

MOVED!

2007-01-28T18:18:00.001-08:00

Just when I think I have figured out all there is to know about blogging I can't seem to figure out how to write a new post. For some reason I have two sign in names? So now I know how to sign in two different ways, and I also know which sign in name allows me to write a new post. Both allow me to comment on all of your sites.

Anyway, we made it to Baton Rouge! We have been very busy looking at houses and getting estimates on the work that needs to be done on the one we really want. It needs a lot of up-dating including central air and heat, complete re-wiring, and a new roof. We also need to make plumbing repairs and modifications in the bathrooms and the kitchen, but everything else is just aesthetic, personal things we want to do. I will be happy once we close on the house and we can start the major work and finally move in! I will keep you all posted during the progress! One of the nicest things about the house is that it is right next to a great running trail and a super Wal-Mart!

Next in line is finding a school for my son. Now, in Baton Rouge the public schools are known to be not very good. However, we always intended our son to go to a Catholic school so it never mattered. We found the parish in which is closest to us and actually like the schools curriculum. There is an open house on Feb. 1st. I hope we like the school and that William meets the requirementsJ

I also want to sign William up for tee-ball and maybe my husband and I will be able to coach the team. There are also basketball leagues that I can join at the YMCA! That makes me very excited.

I’m also very excited about spending weekends in New Orleans when my ex comes to visit William. The first weekend will be Feb. 9th. It will be great for my husband and I to spend sometime together. We need it, We deserve it!

Once everything settles down a little we will start the foster adopt process. I figure it will take a while for it to be completed so we will have everything in order when we are placed with our child.

In the meanwhile I will be teaching William at home for the rest of the year. I brought all of the rest of the curriculum for the year from my class so that he will continue to learnJ I am glad that he and I will get to spend so much time together.

On a fertility note, I am day 8 and Big Bertha is showing an increase in fertility. WE will continue trying!

break through

2007-01-08T15:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I might sound dense here but I figured out that if I sign into my blog page first I will then be able to comment on everyone else's. Yes, I know, not brain surgery, but a break through none the less!

And I am still showing that my most fertile days are the 10th and 11th? Anyone else having such early ovulation?

long time, no post!

2007-01-08T15:28:00.001-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in so long!! For some reason I can't figure out my password/sign in name for my blogger? I know I must sound crazy, but I swear it changes day to day...LOL. This also means that I haven't been able to comment on anyone else's posts, but trust me I am reading. So this post is just going to be responding to my friend’s journeys.

1. Serenity, I am so glad they actually found something, something you had suspected all along. I am also thrilled that you are recovering so quickly, but honestly, I knew you would. I’m so excited for your new fresh cycle, I just know that it is going to happen for you.

2. Dream Mommy, you know that I am forever grateful for all you are doing for me with my whole move; I just hope that one day (soon) I can be helpful to you. You fight for that little boy; he needs your loving family so much. I know it is going to work out the way that it is suppose to and I can't wait for both of our families to be able to hang out! Really, anything, you name it, I will do it; that is the type of friend I am. Also on a side note my NEW, yes that's right I fired the old one, realtor is awesome and has given us lots of house to look at.

3. Faith, it seems like we have a lot in common fertility wise. I too have high FSH levels and antibody levels; I am now contemplating if I also have a touch of PCOS even though I am regular as rain and have no other symptoms. I wish you good luck with your impending IVF cycle, and am excited about your new doc, sounds like a keeper.

4. The impatient patient, thank you for sharing so much of your IVF life with us, you don't know how helpful it has been. Also, we are here for you no matter what!!! Give us your heart break, we will be careful with it, I promise.

In other news, the move to Baton Rouge is on a count down now. We are beyond excited! We will be going down there on Thurs.-Tues. so we can look for houses and check out our corporate apartment. And of course we will spend one night in the city I love the most to have dinner at our favorite restaurant Antoine's. I hope it doesn't snow here in Colorado and delay my flight, I will cry, seriously!

Side note: My ex-husband at one point said to just get this whole idea of moving to Louisiana out of my head because it is never going to happen. Last night, after I e-mailed and told him that we will be moving there he e-mailed back, guess your dream has come true......YOU BET YOUR ASS IT HAS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mis Amigas!!!!

2006-12-30T20:40:00.000-08:00

Yes! More new friends, I am so excited and appreciative!!!!!

New Friend!!!

2006-12-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

For awhile I was pretty depressed that no one would leave comments on my posts, but then I got over it and decided that this blog was really just a way for me to express my feelings. However, I have made a new friend in the new state that I will be living in, who actually grew up in the town that we are considering moving to!!! How blessed am I to have this person be so concerned about my well being? And the other great part is that she is going through the foster to adopt program that I will also be using hopefully within the next month or so. Oh, and she understands infertility, how many people can say they have a friend who knows what you are going through? Anyway, I am just totally excited and I can't wait to get down there even more now so I can help her out. Thank you Dream Mommy I couldn't do this without you!!!