visit #2

The visit last Wednesday went the exact way I thought the first visit should have gone. Of course, my husband came with me and we met the case worker before we went inside the hospital. She asked me what my thoughts were at this point about bio mom’s capability of taking care of the baby. My response was does it really matter what I think?!? She said it did. I told her the truth. I told her that I just didn’t think that she was capable of taking of herself, let alone a newborn baby. She said she agreed.
We got to the front of the hospital and his mom was outside waiting for us. She gave me a big hug and said she was so thankful that God had sent her child to such wonderful people. We went to the same visiting room that we were in the previous week, but this time it was just Bio mom, my husband and I, and the case worker. Occasionally, the hospital social worker would come in to check on mom.
I handed the baby over to mom, she didn’t ask to hold him. She didn’t really talk to the baby or snuggle him, she was too involved in telling us stories from her life. Most of the stories didn’t really make a lot of sense, but we listened anyway. She keeps talking about her dead sister and how she was physically abused by friends and family members. She said that she was afraid that “they” would find her and hurt her if she got out. That really made my husband and I very scared and sad for her. She also discussed her drug use at great length. Including mentioning that she was, “smoking the crack pipe,” and “sweeping away blunts,” as early as last October. She also talked about not feeling good and that she didn’t think she would ever leave the mental hospital. The social workers there keep assuring her that it was when she leaves, not if she leaves…..
While she was holding the baby he became very fussy and I was waiting to see if she was capable of figuring out what he needs. She asked if he could be hungry. That was a relief; at least she could figure out what he might need if he goes back to her. However, while she was feeding him she was so involved in her story that the nipple fell out of his mouth and she didn’t even realize it. I was glad the case worker saw this action. She also had no idea how to burp the baby. So I sat next to her and took the baby and showed her how to burp him. I couldn’t listen to his cries of pain. Again, I was glad the case worker saw this too. The funny thing was after I took him to burp him she didn’t ask or motion to want him back. She actually seemed relieved that I took him and was caring for him. Also, when she tells her stories she always validates their conent with herself. Example, " They would steal all my money and food...yeah...they would beat and I'm not stupid, yeah..." This really is the way she talks.
When we left the hospital I explained to the case worker that as a foster/adopt child myself if I thought that this baby’s mother was capable of caring for him I would want him to be with her; because that is what I would have wanted for myself. However, I really don’t believe that she is capable. I also said that I would continue visitations with her if he ended up with us. (Obviously, she would have to be clean and nonviolent.) I wish that would have been an option for me.

My husband then started asking some questions:

How long has she been in the mental hospital: 7 months- it was court appointed, but she could technically leave at anytime.
How did mom and dad meet: in a mental health facility; dad is also mentally impaired.-Both have long records of mental health/drug facilities under their belts, and mom has claimed abuse at many of them.
What is going on with the VOA: They are still helping mom find a place to live, but the baby will not go with her at this time.

We will supposedly meet dad this week to set up their family case plan. He couldn’t make it this week because it was too early. It was 9:00am. My husband and I missed a ½ day of worked, had to find arrangements for our other son, and drove 45 minutes to the hospital. Whatever! So the meeting next week is for 10:00am. I hope he does show up so that we can set up his case plan that he probably won’t follow. Did I mention he is in a halfway house and has never seen his son?!?
I think I have included everything, but will update if I remember anything else.