Saturday, August 16, 2008

Bio Visit

I guess I need to talk about meeting with Little Bit’s bio family, but for some reason I just don’t feel like it. Too emotionally draining.
Initially, I was so happy that there was interest in his family to see him, and actually when we all first introduced ourselves I still felt the same way. I might have even been a little envious of the fact that Little Bit will have/know his bio family.
Anyway, I digress…. Little Bit’s grandmother and her husband, his uncle, and one little girl cousin met us at His grandmother seemed normal and very happy to see Little Bit. His grandmother’s husband, who has been around since Little Bit’s mother was a child, also seemed somewhat normal, and very happy to see him. Then we met Little Bit’s uncle who is his mother’s brother. He was practically in the same condition as Little Bit’s mother…..That makes you wonder what how his grandmother was as a mother since two of her children are not functioning adults. Not to mention the fact that they were both in and out of foster care and group homes their entire childhoods. It also makes you think about the grandfather’s role in it all since he has been around since they were children as well…… Sorry, but this is hard to discuss without the background information….
We didn’t really discuss Little Bit’s mother or their family, except that they couldn’t remember how many grandchildren they have?!? However, they did talk a little about the grandchildren that live with them. They are trying to get custody of both of them since their mother, the grandmother’s daughter, was murdered a few years ago. I guess one of the kid’s dads wants custody as well.
We spent the majority of the time taking pictures and they took some video. At the end his grandmother began to cry; I assured her that we would keep a relationship and that she would be his grandmother. She then started to cry and I felt sad for her. BUT then the grandfather said something that stopped me in my tracks, “Don’t worry, we will fight to get him back after we get the other two first.” My mama bear instincts kicked in hard core.
You see it will be fine if she has a grandmother role in his life, but if he were to be immersed in that lifestyle who knows what his life would be like; actually I do know what his life would be like and that is why I will never let it happen.
Furthermore, the premise of this meeting was for the grandmother not to disrupt the placement, but for her to meet Little Bit. My husband assures me that the grandfather only said that so that she would stop crying cause that’s what men do, but I don’t care.
Nevertheless, I called Little Bit’s CASA worker and detailed the meeting and how bizarre it ended. My husband also called LB’s worker and this was the first time she ever commented in a non-neutral way. She said that she felt the family/visit was shady.
Needless to say that was over a month ago and they have not contacted the worker since. I still want them in his life, but maybe we will just hold off on that until things are more definite with his case.

I am sure there are other things that I am leaving out and if I find it significant I will add it another posts.