Saturday, December 30, 2006

Mis Amigas!!!!

Yes! More new friends, I am so excited and appreciative!!!!!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

New Friend!!!

For awhile I was pretty depressed that no one would leave comments on my posts, but then I got over it and decided that this blog was really just a way for me to express my feelings. However, I have made a new friend in the new state that I will be living in, who actually grew up in the town that we are considering moving to!!! How blessed am I to have this person be so concerned about my well being? And the other great part is that she is going through the foster to adopt program that I will also be using hopefully within the next month or so. Oh, and she understands infertility, how many people can say they have a friend who knows what you are going through? Anyway, I am just totally excited and I can't wait to get down there even more now so I can help her out. Thank you Dream Mommy I couldn't do this without you!!!


Well of course I got AF, and I was very sad , but I am excited about all of the other changes that are happening in my life! We are moving to Baton Rouge in just about a month. I now feel like my life is starting. No more graduate school, no more shitty paychecks and long hours, no more condo without a yard for my son or dog to play in, no more SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday we got approved for a mortgage and we were sent some houses for our consideration (Her words not mine!) We can't wait to check them out in person. We will be traveling there on the Jan.11-16 to get our Barings and check out the corporate apartment we will be staying in. We need to set up the movers and so many other things......It is a little stressful, but so much fun!!!!!!

Monday, December 25, 2006


Can't sleep. Just know that tomorrow I will wake up and have AF and I will be devastated. It's amazing how fast and yet how slow 28 days can feel.

Friday, December 15, 2006

4 babies in 4 years

I met my friend Amy when both of our sons were 6 months old at a swimming class. For some reason we immediately clicked during class and we exchanged phone numbers. Now, I didn't call her and actually lost her phone number(threw it out), but out of the blue she called me and we set up Quinn and William's first play date on July 31st 2003(Which happens to be my birthday! ) After that day we got together probably at least once a week and then started to take park district classes together with our kids.
Long story short she started talking about getting pregnant again, and my situation with my first husband was not optimal for even thinking about having another child. Amy and her husband tried a month and nothing, so she was thinking about using my big bertha, but before she did she found out that she was pregnant again. I was thrilled for her. In fact, even if my relationship with my husband was ideal, I was enjoying spending time with my boy and wasn't ready to have another baby, as if I could plan it anyway:)
That next July Cate was born, and she was beautiful! A couple of weeks after she was born I moved out to Colorado. Around 9 months later Amy said that she was ready to have another baby but she hadn't gotten her period yet, because she was still nursing. So she figured that she would have to start taking birth control to get her period back. Except little did she know she was already pregnant, and Nora was Born in January. Beyond adorable!!!
Once again it has been about 9 months and I asked Amy if they were thinking about number 4 and she said they were, but she was pretty sure her Husband would be out town when she was ovulating in November. I called her this week and asked her if she was pregnant and she is! She did call me earlier that week to tell me, and I was just returning her call. That's one thing I love about Amy, she will never tip toe around me just because I am still ttc. I would rather hear it from her then her it through the grapevine.
But to be honest, after I told my husband about Amy's pregnancy, it hit me....HARD. Wow! She will have 3 kids in time I have been trying to have one more. I guess it is just something I have to live with, and I do.

A thought that made me feel better and laugh a little was about the future and when they are struggling to send 4 kids through college, I will be able to take cruises and drive around in my Mercedes, and retire.........But then again I'd rather struggle and have 4 great kids:( Don't worry my pity party usually only last an hour or so.

On a side note I haven’t been able to comment on any other sites cause I switched over to the beta blogger thingy and I can’t remember my password and it won’t tell me!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!I will figure it out soon, I promise.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

CD 10 and 11

Well, big bertha showed me that I ovulate on day 10 and 11. Today is day 12 and big bertha still shows that I have a higher LH level. Who knew? Well actually, I had a clue.


Well big bertha is showing an increase in my LH levels, not ovualting yet, but an increse. Now, my bodies own ovulation kit, my angioedemia , is also showing me a surge in estrogen since the inside of my mouth and bottom lip are swelling, and let me tell you it sucks! It's painful and not to mention a tad bit embarrassing, no, inconvenent. It is hard to explain at the gym why half of my face looks like someone hit it with a baseball bat. At least maybe this means I ovulate, I just can't believe how early in my cycle it occurs. I'm still holding out for the actual identification of ovulation however before I make a conclusion. Wouldn't it be insane if I was just not getting pregnant because I wasn't having the sex on the right days? I'm sure that's not the case, but a girl can dream!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

long time, no blog

I've tried to blog for a couple of days now, but blogger wouldn't let me.... I got AF on day 28 just like usual. Could a person who is so regular not ovulate? I will find out this month, I broke out big bertha, the clear plan easy ovulation monitor. That's right the one that when I bought it originally cost $250 bucks. 30 sticks cost $50.00 bucks. So I guess I will know for sure. I also bought the clear plan ovulation kit for back up. I know I sound crazy, but I NEED TO KNOW! I also decided not to use the I have this month so I can see if I ovulate by myself..... On a side note, when I conceived my son it was the month I decided not to use the kit. LOL:)

In other news, I am done with all my classes and tests for my Masters in Ed. All I have to do now is student teach. However, I can't start in January because hopefully my husband will find a job in another state and I won't be here for the whole 12 weeks. PJ, my DH, has a job interview in Baton Rouge, LA on Wed. I hope it goes well; I would love to live there! I know that he will impress and that the company will love him, honestly, it all comes down to the money. Show me the money! He also NEEDS to set up a defense date for his PHD in Chemistry. Yes, I know, what a nerd, but I love him so much!!!!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Waiting Game

I’ m just waiting for AF. For some reason last month I got it on day 27??? Tomorrow is day 27 and I am prepared. This would not be unusual if I wasn't always 28 or 29 days. Also, I used a ovulation kit that I started on day 12-19 and I didn't ovulate? However if you look at the sticks, yes I number and keep them, day twelve had the most hint of two lines. Who knows? Maybe I ovulated on day 10? I am going to start the kit earlier this month to see if I am ovulating earlier. In August I ovulated on days 15 and 16. In September I broke the kit, cause I am dumb. So I am very interested to see what happens in December. Am I just not ovulating? Is that the problem? I will also try clomid in December again. Why not? I have a prescription, I know the directions. I will post again when AF and I meet again:)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

CAUTION, this post was written very late at please excuse my errors:)

Wow! Almost a complete month without posting, I really am that busy, I swear! We went to the IVF follow-up consultation as scheduled. Let me first say that we sat in the waiting room for about 45 minutes waiting for our appointment. The one satisfaction I did get was that the front desk receptionist bitch told me I had a $20.00 co-pay and I got to tell her that, no, actually Dr. Overyourhead said this visit is free of charge. Also, along on this visit was my almost 4 year old son. Now, I would not have brought him along, however, since my husband needed to be at this appointment I had no other choice. I live in a different state than all of my relatives and pathetically, no, I don't have any friends that I could ask to watch him. So as I said after 45 min. in the waiting room we were finally called to come back and my boy stayed in the waiting room to play. Dr. Overyourhead didn't even recap the events of our IVF he just goes straight into what he would do for the next cycle....adding more of this and that and assuring us that it is still worth it. My husband let him go on for about 1 min. before he stopped him and asked him if he was aware of what happened at our transfer. Dr. Overyourhead was finally speechless when my husband and I rehashed the events and the fact that the doctor, his partner, who was doing the transfer had no idea that I have had cervical cancer, a baby before, a tipped uterus, a c-section, and then on top of all that he couldn't find my uterus with the ultrasound machine that was in the room. And as many of you know your bladder is in no condition to be waiting for another ultrasound machine, nor is it happy when a speculum is inserted, taken out, and then re-inserted. We also informed Dr.Overyourhead that the DR. doing the transfer never seemed sure if he actually ever saw my uterus. In fact at one point he said just that. He actually might have said it twice. Not a very comforting feeling after years of infertility, months of shots and pills, and $13,00o. When my husband and I both left there we were sure that it had not worked solely based on this Dr.'s lack of knowledge about me. After we went through this whole story Dr. Overyourhead apologized and genuinely seemed upset and sad for us. He then brought up the recorded notes on his computer stating that the doctor had inserted the blasts into my uterus at blahh,blahh, blahh area. I said that is terrific, but I could also write that memo and obviously it wouldn't be true, nor would it mean anything concrete. He then had his flaky nurse practitioner come in to I guess witness/hear this conversation and she immediately started talking up this other doctor, going on and on..... I actually told both of them that I prefer this other doctor's bedside manner over Dr. Overyourheads. Yes, I am that blunt. I also told them they sounded very defensive, and that although I am a great/excellent teacher, their are dayz when I em OFf. Get Anyway he kept asking us what he could do to fix this, what did we want. I was too chicken shit to say that I wanted a free IVF, but I should have. My husband believes that Dr. Overyourhead should have made suggestions to try to make the situation right. Either way nothing was set straight. Then I asked for my records and Dr. Overyourhead said that he has no problem faxing them to another office if that is what I would like, I told him they were for my own personal reference. Then he got very interested in the idea that I might be going to some other office. He started naming off all of the other infertility clinics in the state and I asked about one of them and mentioned another DR. name which I knew and he got very interested in me and my business. He went on to say that he had some sort of certification over this other doctor and that he was an associate professor and the other doctor had never been. He also went on to say it would costs a lot more money since they would probably do all of the tests I have already done all over again. I assured him that would not be the case, because I truly believe I have some sort of say over my health care. Lastly, he asked again what it would take for us to stay and my husband's response was that we would only meet with DR. Overyourhead. At that point he couldn't give us a definitive answer on that prospect, and then bitchy receptionist lady came in and said my child was getting restless. Well of course he was, he had been there for and 1 1/2 hrs. Instead of the 1/2 we were suppose to be there. Consequently, we only met with the doctor for about 35 min. so you do the math. We left with his personal e-mail address and still need to compose an email expressing or wants and needs if we do continue with his practice. To be honest I never really felt the other people, besides Dr. Overyourhead were very professional or organized, qualified, but you are so emotionally involved and wrapped up in everything that it is hard to really determine it until you are out of it. So we will send our requests, but ultimately I don't believe we will be going back.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I did it, Nov. 10th 10:30, the follow up meeting.

Monday, October 30, 2006

The waiting game

I’m just waiting for AF to show up. If all goes as planned I will get it on Nov. 2nd. I m usually, as they say, right as rain in this department. I don't know if I ovulated this month because I broke my ovulation kit. Yes, I know, I'm crazy! I’m looking forward to a new cycle, a new start. I'm so busy with work and finishing my masters I can't wait for Thanksgiving break.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thanks to those who posted to my last entry...I needed it. You know some days I can totally forget that I want another child so bad that it hurts, but other days it completely consumes me. The last two days have been that way. Not to mention that I have a wonderful side affect from my IVF called Angioedema.
When I'm in a better mood I will post some crazy pictures so you can see exactly what freaky things happen to my poor body. My infertility doctor swears that IVF had nothing to with this, but the allergist, who actually did blood work, not knowing I did IVF, assured me that it was triggered by elevated levels of estrogen. So now any time my body has a surge of estrogen some part of my face, or my lips, my tongue, the bottom of my feet, or my hands swell to about 100 times their size. It is very painful having your skin swell that much. I have gone to the emergency room three times now because it got so bad.
Still gaining the courage to call and make a post IVF follow up appointment. My BFN was August 5th. Don't want to blow up at the doctor, don't want any confrontations, really, I just don't want to cry. But I do want to start taking more of an active roll.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


WOW! REALLY? Not one person has looked at my blog in days...maybe there is only support for other people? Or maybe I'm just boring?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


So today on Oprah the topic was compulsive eating that turns into another compulsion (i.e. drinking) after gastric bypass surgery. Now I am not so far gone that I need surgery, however, I did take one message away from the show: You can not stop compulsively eating until you address the real reason why you eat.
My reason: I am so hurt and disappointed that the IVF didn't work that I drown myself in chocolate and ice cream. Now that I said it out loud, now that I finally admit it, maybe I can face it and move on.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The truth

Question: Why is it that we allow all of these "experts" to dictate our course of treatment for infertility?
Answer: Because we are too emotionally, physically, and mentally involved to think or make choices for ourselves. I'm not saying that we don't educate ourselves or ask questions, I'm just saying that no matter what, we take whatever the doctor, acupuncturist, chiropractor, embryologist, etc says.... as gold, solid, the best choice.
I know from my personal experience that I allowed myself to be caught up in this misery. I couldn’t detach myself from the dream of becoming pregnant. Therefore, I followed every word that they said, even when I had misgivings about the entire practice. I honestly do not believe that they deposited my little blastocysts into my uterus. In fact, I don’t think the doctor ever found it. Although this is all speculation, I believe it enough to know that I really don’t need IVF to get pregnant. Not with the conclusive data that resulted from our failed IVF.I am not so naive to believe that I don’t have difficulties getting pregnant; however, I will not believe that IVF is my only choice. We did try Clomid for one cycle, but it gave me unbelievable cysts. That was it. Not artificial insemination no other stimulants. I am giving my body the much needed break it deserves these next couple of months, losing 15 pound or at least 10, working out, taking baths……. However, we will continue to try for fun. Cause honestly when my son was conceived it was after the months of planning and charting, miscarriages, and a visit to a infertility clinic. Once I gave myself permission to take a break, BAM, I was pregnant. Again, not being naive, just being optimistic. Also I am living life, not planning anymore!!!!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


I too have gained the IF 15. It really sucks. We all justify it by saying,” when I get my BFP I won't care how much I weigh. ”And after the BFN you are just so depressed that you don't care about ANYTHING. But 2 months + after that, you’re just fat. That's were I'm at. Okay fat is harsh since I can still squeeze into my clothes, however, I just don't feel good about myself; and right now I need to. So the goal is to start running again before work and stop emotionally eating.
Started the application process for the foster-adopt program in Boulder. I just feel that I need to do something, and I really can see us adopting. We're that couple that everyone says if anyone should adopt it should be us. I find that true about a lot of the women in my links, you ladies rule!!! I start teaching my parenting class for my school tomorrow; yes I know, ironic. Oh, and did I mention that 5 of the mom's of my students are pregnant, what are the odds of that? Anyway, still checking for my ovulation and will be trying some Chinese methods this month, I will always keep you all posted.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Ancient Chinese say.....

Finally figured out how to put the title back over my posts. Been reading a book about Chinese medicine and fertility. I have found it very interesting so far. A lot of the information I was already told by my acupuncturist while I was going through IVF. I have to admit that I was completely overwhelmed throughout the whole process; all of the conflicting information hurt my head, so I decided to go with science, my husband being a PhD chemist and all it seemed like the logical choice. Now I am ready to focus on one thing at a time. It's not that I don't believe in IVF and all of the other processes (since we all obviously know people it has worked for), but I really can't put my faith into something that when it doesn't work there is no explanation. Doctor: " I'm so sorry Robin, all of the eggs looked great, all the eggs fertilized, 3 out 5 went to perfect blastocyst, you are 27 years old, we put two back in, you had just about a 70% chance..........Blah, blah, blah. I want the control. As you may notice by my blogs name I have a tipped uterus. However, the doctor that did my transfer was not aware of this and had a very difficult time finding my uterus. In fact I'm not entirely sure he did......There, I said it...... Anyway, I will continue my journey and will try other methods at this point.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Thought I should post a picture so that you all can see who you're writing to, or maybe just reading about. Not to mention the fact that my son's face in this picture is hilarious :) Just wanted to give everyone a much needed laugh.

This picture was taken at Sea World last April.
Hey everyone!!! I had some interest in my journey to Colorado and would love to share, but I would like to share it with you privately, so please send me an e-mail address I can write to you at. Thanks. And on a happy note I passed the praxis II exam, it is like a licensure exam for teachers. Now I am so close to finishing my masters in education I can taste it!!!! Also, I would be thrilled if you added me in you link sections.

Friday, October 13, 2006

here I am

I finally feel like I am in a better place. The IVF cycle and life the last couple of months have really thrown me. I might even schedule a follow up visit at my fertility clinic so they can tell how everything looked 100% perfect and they don't know why my IVF didn't work; and I’m sure they will suggest that I do it again. Yeah, right. Maybe some of you can do this over and over again, but I am not that strong. It might also help that I have a son already and that I am adopted. I just mean that I do feel very lucky that I have had the whole pregnancy experience at least once, and if it doesn't happen again I know personally how wonderful adoption is. However, I still would love to have a child with my husband. You see this is my second husband, the most wonderful, loving, and loyal man I have ever met. And as I said before in my description if you want to know the circumstances that got me to where I am just e-mail me and I’ll have no problem telling you, however, I will not muck up this site with any mention of my ex. He’s just not worth it, and he is still my son’s father.
I do have to say that other blogs about infertility have helped me since my BFN August 5th of this year. Yeah, that’s right I even got the slang down. (Took me awhile, but I slowing started figuring it out and using it.) I feel that it helps desensitize the very personal, raw subject of infertility. Anyway, I guess reading other people’s struggles, hopes, and happiness made me feel like I might be able to help someone else too or even maybe become happy and hopeful again. So I guess this is my first official post. I am still trying to figure out how to post links with names instead of web addresses; any help would be greatly appreciated. I would also like to dedicate this post to Serenity. Your posts have saved me over and over again. Thank you.