Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Do we look alike?

Wow! I love all of the responses to my last post. So here’s another:

When you are an adopted child, one of the many things you feel like you are missing out on is looking like some else. When I was a child I remember looking at my family and trying to see where I fit. I did not look like anyone; not even a little bit. I’m not saying it bothered me, because truly it didn’t, but when my son was born I loved the fact that we looked a look. In fact, if you really think about it my son is my only blood relative (that I know). I guess it never bothered me because I never felt adopted. The family I have IS my family, and if anyone were ever to say differently they would have my grandmother to deal with.

As an adult I still find myself searching for people who look similar to me; or how other families look like each other. For instance, about three weeks ago William and I went to the zoo on a whim. We live in Baton Rouge, La and it was about 100 degrees with 110 percent humidity. Needless to say there were very few people there. However, we did run into two other moms’ with their children. One mom had a little girl and a little boy and the other mom had a little boy and a baby boy. My first instinct was to see if the children looked like their mothers. I concluded that the little girl resembled her mother and the little boy looked a lot like her. The other little boy didn’t really resemble his mother, but the baby looked just like her; so I concluded that the little boy must look like his father. I was wrong….sort of. Let me explain. We went over to the little boy’s house for a play date and the mom explained to me that both of her boys were adopted. I was somewhat shocked and comforted all at the same time. I was excited that I thought her baby looked like her, maybe someone thought I looked like my mom or dad when I was a baby. However, it still doesn’t quench the desire to know what my bio parents look like. Isn’t amazing what biological children take for granite? LOL

Of course I have picked up all of my mother’s mannerisms; and some of my dad’s too, good and bad. People always say we talk/sound alike. Once when I was in high school my mother was showing a picture of me from the paper when I was the homecoming queen, and a fellow teacher said I was pretty so that must mean I was adopted. Bad joke, huh? My mom laughed and said yes, actually I was. You could only imagine his surprise and embarrassment.

Nature vs. Nurture what a wonderful debate……maybe it will be my next post.

Sunday, June 24, 2007


Now that I finally have some interest in this blog by others besides Dream Mommy, LOL, I will try to keep it updated more often : ) Okay Jaye; sorry!!!

My view on adoption

Why do infertile women/couples have to make the choice of raising a child an all or nothing deal? All = having your own bio-child; Nothing = an adopted child. I’m sure this is an overly sensitive subject for me since I am an adopted child, but I can’t stand that adoption is the LAST RESORT option for some of our blogging friends. A consolation prize if you will for losing at the game of infertility treatments. What I find to be the most ironic part of all of it all is that after they do adopt they realize it was the right step for them all along. PEOPLE, listen up, it doesn’t matter how you get a child, raising it with the person you love is proof enough of your love for each other. It does not need to come out of your vajayjay.

Why is there such an if….then approach in the fertility challenged world. If we try an IUI or IVF or whatever else is out there and we don’t get pregnant on the 1st, 4th or 7th try the thought is that we will then adopt a child. My question is: If you really want a child why not start the adoption process while you start the infertility treatments, the end reward for both is a beautiful child to love and raise. Sometimes I wonder if people want to be pregnant or parents; because the difference between the two is enormous.

So I guess am just trying to say that I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but I also know that an adopted child would bring just as much joy.

Just had to get that out there.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Not the way it should be, just the way it is

I hope everyone enjoyed their Father’s Day yesterday. Honestly, I was glad that I live 1,000 miles away from my own father. It literally took everything I had to even call him. However, when I did he seemed happy to hear from me.

Here is the back story:

As most of you know I am divorced from my son’s father. This obviously did not go over well with my very Catholic close knit family; even though my Ex cheated on me with my best friend. (No, they are not together now.) Anyway, while I was trying to leave the horrible situation my parents and actually most of my family were not very supportive or helpful. It didn’t help that my Ex was spreading lies and acting completely pathetic. When I finally had enough and decided to leave the state, yes I felt the need to get that far away from everyone, my parents, especially my dad, did not help me at all. I packed up and moved my 4,000 square foot house by myself. However, a week after I left, my parents went to visit my son at my Ex’s house and helped him rearrange the furniture left behind.

To add insult to injury my father has continued to see my Ex socially even though we are divorced and I am married to another man who he doesn’t even really acknowledge. This makes me so sad since Peter has taken such wonderful care of me and my son for the past 3 ½ years.

Needless to say our relationship has been strained. Therefore, anytime we spend any sort of extended time together, like when I come visit for holidays, we have at least one huge fight that ends with us not talking to each other. Again, this makes me so sad since my father and I used to be so close. In fact, when I was growing up I preferred him to my mother even though he is technically my stepfather. ( I was adopted by my mother through the foster adopt program and her first husband, my first dad, died in a car accident before it was official; I was 3; my mom got remarried to him when I was 5.) Even when I was first married to my Ex my dad would stop by our house to paint or to just hang out. I looked up to my father so much that I made him the godfather of my son; I couldn’t think of a better example.

Nevertheless, the relationship is what it is and at this point I don’t think it will ever be the way it used to, but at least I am now at peace with it; 1,000 miles away.

Anyhow, we had a wonderful Father’s day at our house. I love my husband so much! He is a wonderful father and husband. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

Disclaimer: Of course there is even more to the back story, but I will leave that to another post, another day.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


I finally got to meet the woman who is supposedly going to be my son’s stepmother. Well to get technical, I knew her while I was married to my ex and she was a friend of a friend. Anyway, she is a fine woman with a daughter of her own and if she is good to my son I have no complaints. I find it hard to read about people who complain about their ex’s new wives/girlfriends etc… What’s the point; I find taking the high road makes me feel light and so content with my own life. Not trying to say I am better than anyone else, just pointing out that it really is easier…..

On the house front we are installing new cabinets in the kitchen. We are so close to being done with the house I am starting to let myself get excited. This house has been quite a labor of love. One of our neighbors said that we were brave for buying the house. I told him we might be stupid; he said there is that fine line and we all laughed. I just can’t wait to have my house in order. Especially, since I will be having a home study done relatively soon. Or should I say hopefully?

Friday, June 08, 2007


I hope you have a wonderful birthday Lisa!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da Life goes on

I went to the school I am going to be teaching at in the fall today to meet with one of my students. This little boy is being tutored over the summer to give him a head start for next year. His tutor, who is also the mother of one of my X-country/track runners, had him write out questions to interview me. They were very cute questions and I am now very excited about the prospect of teaching 10 & 11 year olds. Not that I didn’t love teaching 4 & 5 year olds it’s just that I really feel like I could make learning fun in a grade, 5th, that sometimes can be very boring.

I also talked to my mentor at my graduate school and we are making the final plans for my demonstration teaching, cohort seminar, tasks and final project. I am starting to get excited about the next school year, instead of feeling stressed. I will be setting up a meeting with the principal and my host teacher soon to get more information about what is expected of me from the school. I will also start to go through my room and start deciding what I want it to look like.

I don’t think I have mentioned before that I have started a running club for my runners this summer. We run everyday from 5:30-6:30. Monday and Wednesday we run 3.5 miles and on Tuesday and Thursday 2.2 miles and drills. A lot of kids and their parents are showing up to run and we are having a blast! I promised the kids that we will do something fun on Friday’s so now I need to do some research on fun things to do :)

In other news I took a big step and organized and am donating William’s old clothes and toys. Most of it is going to dream mommy’s boy, and the rest that isn’t in great condition will be donated. This process was very emotional for me. I guess I just truly believed that I would have another child by now. But I am just trying to focus on going to classes and getting a child that needs a forever family. The fact that most of the stuff is going to smiley makes me VERY happy! I love that little boy!

Oh, in funny news, I had to cancel my GYN appt. today because I had my period. I rescheduled and am going to bring up the fact to him that I am not ovulating. Do you guys think that I should reveal my IVF past?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

CD 1

Like it matters, just thought I would post it:)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Going for it!

So we have decided to go ahead and take the classes starting on June 30th. Now we need to find out what time it is at so that I can make arrangements with my ex since he still wants William that week; which is fine. So I keep calling to find out what time the classes start and end so I can buy a plane ticket. I think I am annoying them because I keep calling and leaving messages, but I don’t care. I hate that they feel they can give you 2 weeks notice and you are suppose to just jump at the opportunity. I don’t know about you guys but I have a life. So I will continue to call and make arrangements. The plus side of William going with his dad is that he will probably be there for all three classes so we won’t have to get a babysitter. Even though I had every intention of dropping him of at Lisa’s house:) I am starting to get hopeful again. I have been browsing the waiting children search page and have found a sibling set of 2 girls that I would like to meet. They are 5 and 6 years old. At first I was worried about changing the birth order, but then Brad and Angelina did it….I’M KIDDING. Seriously, I was concerned about it and still am, but I am also open to the possibility of getting a girl that is older, but no older probably than 7. I don’t think I would ever get a boy that is older, but knows…..Anyway, that is where we are at.

Monday, June 04, 2007


We had a great time on our cruise! I would share pictures, but I didn’t bring my digital camera because I couldn’t find it since our house is still a mess from our move. Yes, we finally moved into our house. Yes, we have electricity, water, the whole works. However, the house is still a work in progress and we are renovating the kitchen as I speak. After that we will finish the utility room, master bath and closet. Then, dare I say we will be done with all the “quote on quote” entire essential living space. We will probably need to refinish the wood floors in the kitchen and the office since they had tile covering them and they look a bit discolored. Oh, and I guess we need to re-do the bathroom we are using now, but in comparison to the other work we had to do it will feel easy….I hope!

Let me back up a little to update you all on the little boy that I was hoping to get. As I posted before the boy’s worker had called and wanted to get us into classes ASAP. So I called her the day after I got home from the cruise to see if there was another class starting somewhere that we could attend to get the process moving. When I called and talked to her she acted like she didn’t know who I was anymore and told me that my boy was already placed in another home. She then proceeded to me that there are plenty of kids out there and that I shouldn’t be discouraged. Then she suddenly remembered who I was and went into detail about how the people they placed him with were further along in the certification than we were (obviously)…..but they weren’t even done with classes. Anyway, I hung up the phone and fell apart. I cried and felt so empty. I had never even met this child, but I was so hopeful. All I could think about was my best friend Lisa, and all she has been through, and how well she has kept it together and is a pillar of strength. I was once again humbled by every foster parent in the world who is able to love unconditionally, absolutely, completely. This whole ordeal made my husband and I think seriously about private adoption. Then I looked into it a little and found out it has its own whole lingo and it seems to be very confusing, but I’m sure if we pursue it, I will pick it up, just like ART and foster-adopt speak.

Today I called a private adoption agency in Baton Rouge and left a message. I also called to find out what the hell was going on with getting into classes since I went to the orientation in March. I got a call back today saying that they intended to invite us to the Saturday classes that will start on June 30th-July 14th. Of course these dates conflict with my schedule again since my son is suppose to spend the week of the 4th in Chicago with his father and I was going to leave on June 30th to bring him there. I was just going to stay for the entire month since we are going on a family vacation with Peter’s family on the 14th -22nd and my cousin is getting married on the 28th and I am singing at her wedding. I was all set to call the worker back and tell her that we couldn’t make those dates but then I talked to Lisa and she told me that I should just ask my ex if we could change the week of visitation. He is not unreasonable and I have been more than flexible with visitations so I don’t see it being a huge issue, but we will see. I am also going to call tomorrow to see when the next classes start after these; just to see if it would fit in our schedule better. But honestly, I would love to only spend a week in Chicago and one week in Michigan for vacation this summer. I love Baton Rouge and would rather be here with my husband and child to live my actual life, and not the lives of my large extended family. Enough rambling, I will update you with my decision as soon as I know what it is.