Wow! I love all of the responses to my last post. So here’s another:
When you are an adopted child, one of the many things you feel like you are missing out on is looking like some else. When I was a child I remember looking at my family and trying to see where I fit. I did not look like anyone; not even a little bit. I’m not saying it bothered me, because truly it didn’t, but when my son was born I loved the fact that we looked a look. In fact, if you really think about it my son is my only blood relative (that I know). I guess it never bothered me because I never felt adopted. The family I have IS my family, and if anyone were ever to say differently they would have my grandmother to deal with.
As an adult I still find myself searching for people who look similar to me; or how other families look like each other. For instance, about three weeks ago William and I went to the zoo on a whim. We live in Baton Rouge, La and it was about 100 degrees with 110 percent humidity. Needless to say there were very few people there. However, we did run into two other moms’ with their children. One mom had a little girl and a little boy and the other mom had a little boy and a baby boy. My first instinct was to see if the children looked like their mothers. I concluded that the little girl resembled her mother and the little boy looked a lot like her. The other little boy didn’t really resemble his mother, but the baby looked just like her; so I concluded that the little boy must look like his father. I was wrong….sort of. Let me explain. We went over to the little boy’s house for a play date and the mom explained to me that both of her boys were adopted. I was somewhat shocked and comforted all at the same time. I was excited that I thought her baby looked like her, maybe someone thought I looked like my mom or dad when I was a baby. However, it still doesn’t quench the desire to know what my bio parents look like. Isn’t amazing what biological children take for granite? LOL
Of course I have picked up all of my mother’s mannerisms; and some of my dad’s too, good and bad. People always say we talk/sound alike. Once when I was in high school my mother was showing a picture of me from the paper when I was the homecoming queen, and a fellow teacher said I was pretty so that must mean I was adopted. Bad joke, huh? My mom laughed and said yes, actually I was. You could only imagine his surprise and embarrassment.
Nature vs. Nurture what a wonderful debate……maybe it will be my next post.
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6 comments:
Well I will have to post another picture of all my girls. The do resemble each other at different times in their lives. My home grown oldest and my first adoptee have baby pictures I can not tell apart. Your next post could THEN go on Genetics and environment.
please please post on it! nature vs nurture is a HUGE conversation in my brain. our two girls are biological sisters (and my distant cousins) but they had never lived together before coming to our house. we adopted them at age 5 and age 8 a little over a year ago, so any nurturing we have been doing is short in comparison to their "other parents." my mom had been raising my oldest, and my mom also raised me, so besides building a family it's been a very intersting experiment! but i swear my oldest has my husband's nose, and they are not biologically related at all!
by the way, my email address is solikecandy406 at yahoo dot com if you ever want to chat away from the comment box. although i do love getting your comments!
I am going to have to post about this- as to not hi-jack your post- here- I have a story or two of my own- :) BUT basically- my foster daughter of another race does look like me - so many have said- :) I am so proud!
My babies don't look a thing like us,but I have a close up picture of L and Scooter and I was amazed how they looked alike.
I just enjoy the funny looks in the store when I'm shopping alone with two babies! I wonder what will happen if I get a third in a few months?
robin -
Just wanted to pop in to tell you "thank you" for your comments, and for the clarification you posted later last night. I appreciate that you think that no matter what I'll be a good mother...
And I definitely don't take the option of adopting lightly. I feel very strongly that I want it to be a CHOICE we make, not a last resort. And that's in part why I'm afraid I won't have the strength to make the choice to step off the ART path and into adoption. It's unknown, and scary, etc.
Yet at the same time - I can actually SEE bringing home our daughter or son through adoption. It excites me to start the process of adoption. It seems to me that I can see adopting much more clearly than I can see being pregnant. So in my thought process, I'm further along than perhaps I have given myself credit for.
But you're right. I should take it a day at a time, focus on this cycle, and then work on moving on if/when it doesn't work.
Anyway. Thank you for your comments - and especially for clarifying. Your support means a lot to me.
We have three foster children that we are adopting, and the two youngest ones are full siblings. I'm glad that they will have each other to look at and see someone that looks like them. Our oldest, from a different family, will not have that, but everyone that sees all three kids tells us how much they look like they could've been born to us. Hopefully that will continue on.
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