Now that I finally have some interest in this blog by others besides Dream Mommy, LOL, I will try to keep it updated more often : ) Okay Jaye; sorry!!!
My view on adoption
Why do infertile women/couples have to make the choice of raising a child an all or nothing deal? All = having your own bio-child; Nothing = an adopted child. I’m sure this is an overly sensitive subject for me since I am an adopted child, but I can’t stand that adoption is the LAST RESORT option for some of our blogging friends. A consolation prize if you will for losing at the game of infertility treatments. What I find to be the most ironic part of all of it all is that after they do adopt they realize it was the right step for them all along. PEOPLE, listen up, it doesn’t matter how you get a child, raising it with the person you love is proof enough of your love for each other. It does not need to come out of your vajayjay.
Why is there such an if….then approach in the fertility challenged world. If we try an IUI or IVF or whatever else is out there and we don’t get pregnant on the 1st, 4th or 7th try the thought is that we will then adopt a child. My question is: If you really want a child why not start the adoption process while you start the infertility treatments, the end reward for both is a beautiful child to love and raise. Sometimes I wonder if people want to be pregnant or parents; because the difference between the two is enormous.
So I guess am just trying to say that I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but I also know that an adopted child would bring just as much joy.
Just had to get that out there.
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The Road
- 1 FSH test showing that I have old eggs which resulted in a nervous break down
- 1 month of clomid which resulted in a major cyst
- 1 IVF attempt that resulted in a broken heart
- Feb. 26th my first foster adopt meeting!
- June 13th renewed faith in my ability to conceive naturally.
10 comments:
very well put thanks for a post..... I am off ot do one too. I think it is hard for some women feel some how less then if they do NOT give birth. Just a insite from the out side with friends who choose to after everything else adopt. Hope your weekend was great.
Even before reaching puberty, I always though that I wanted to adopt. Little did I know was that I was infertile, until I got married. Hubbie wanted bio children, you know wanted to please in-laws and hubbie. After an infertility treatment and a miscarriage I remembered my old dream. I talked to hubby, but he was not convinced, until one coworker of his adopted through foster care. To make a long story short, now we are the proud parents of a 20 months old,red hair, handsome little boy that is the joy of our lives. We got him as a newborn and adoption was final a month ago.
I would do it all over again!
I agree. PB and I were *always* open to adoption fromt he beginnng and it's why we chose not to pursue a lot of fertility stuff...
I do have to say though, that adoption is a difficult, hard, no-fun thing (the process of it) or at least it has been in my case.
Maybe that explains part of it but I suspect it is often seen as a second choice.
I completly agree with you. I don't have infertility problems and I am looking into adoption. It never mattered to me WHERE the baby came from, once it is in my care, it's mine, heart and soul. I have 2 daughters but I have always felt this way, and look forward to the day I have more children, but not by pushing them through my vagina. Not fun at all.(sorry, it's what I call it.)
Adoption used to be our back up plan. We pursued it while still TTC in the hopes that one of the paths would lead us to parenthood. I never imagined having the oppurtunity to parent 4 kids in less than a year.
I can't imagine what life would have been like had I got pg and not had any of my babies, even the ones only there a short time.
Now I am beginning to realize adoption is my first choice and will probably build my entire family until we say "no more."
I was never against adoption, I was just afraid of the costs, the homestudy, the invasion of privacy. It's all so worth it.
i feel the same as dream mommy about the costs, and we attended an adoption seminar early on and i was afraid of the emotional ride of being put on a waiting list for a child. it seemed as emotional for me as infertility, the waiting and not having, they were one and the same adoption or biological birth, but it felt to me like the adoption should be more guaranteed and just wasn't. maybe it was the agency we looked into, i'm not sure, but we were just put off by the process at the time.
needless to say, adoption found us anyway and we couldn't be happier. someone asked me a few weeks ago (in a way that was not offensive) if i thought i loved them as much as i would "my own," and that there was no way to know unless i had "my own." and i said i couldn't know but i also couldn't imagine a love greater than the one i have for my own girls.
thanks for this post. i agree completely.
It's true ... as an infertile couple our first thought is do we want to adopt or try fertility treatments. We looked into adoption locally right away and the wait time was 7 to 10 years (things up here can be VERY SLOW). We weren't in a position to adopt internationally nor to foster. I really wanted to experience pregnancy so we went that route. Adoption really wasn't a consolation prize for us. At that point in our lives we weren't ready to adopt for various reasons. My brother in law and his wife went right to adoption when they got the news they too were infertile. They didn't even attempt fertility treatment. I think it is a very individual choice.
Thanks for posting about it!
Yes! Thanks for this post indeed. I think it has a lot to do with how we were/are raised/raising little girls - to think that the ultimate pinnacle of success in life is to 1) snag a husband, and 2) get pregnant - note I did not say "have a family", because with all the "Baby Stories" on TV and focus on pregnancy on ALL parenting magazines, it's obvious what is "prized" in our society. *sigh*
What a good topic. It is really important for prospective adoptive couples to value adoption and not look at it as "second best." It may be someone's "second choice" in family building, but it is definitely NOT second best.
Have you read "Adopting After Infertility?" I highly recommend it!
Adoption is not for everyone, and that is ok. If someone doesn't feel like they can look at it as "first best" then it is prob not for them.
For me, it was a process of learning - of finding out what God truly wanted for my life. I knew I always wanted to be a mom, and I always thought - of course, I'll give birth. But then, when I found out I couldn't - it rocked my world. Coming to the place where I knew I was supposed to foster and adopt was a long road, but one I know God wanted me to travel. It was the only way He was going to teach me what I needed to learn, and that is that He has so much more in store for me than I could have ever dreamed possible.
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