There has been a lot of talk about claiming foster children on taxes. The biggest misconception is that you can not claim your foster child unless they have lived with you for 6 months out of the year; however, there are exceptions. Here is a letter I received from my accountant.
I read through the dependent rules again and I think I know why that person(s) thinks a foster child has to live with you for 6 months before you can claim him as a dependent.
One of the rules for a ‘qualifying’ child (who can be your birth child, or adopted, or foster, or grandchild etc…) is that he/she has to have lived with you for at least 6 months of the year. For example, say a grandchild lives with one set of grandparents for 5 ½ months and the other grandparents for 6 ½ months. He can be claimed as a dependent only by one set of grandparents, the ones who had him more than 6 months. The rule prevents more than one person claiming the same child for the same year.
BUT, there are several exceptions to the 6 month rule for qualifying children, and the exception that applies here is for a child born or died during the year. He is treated as being with you for the whole year, even if he was born on Dec. 31. I think the person who did all the research didn’t read about the exceptions. There is no place in the tax rules that says differently than what I just explained. Now, if the foster child is 5 years old and he came to live with you in Aug., THEN he wouldn’t have been with you for 6 months and you couldn’t claim him as a dependent until the following year.
Little Bit is your dependent for 2007.
Tell your friends about the exception – they can amend their tax returns!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Happy Birthday Candy- (belated)
Sorry I'm so late!!!!
I hope you forgive me.
I'm glad you had a great day!!!!
Love
R
I hope you forgive me.
I'm glad you had a great day!!!!
Love
R
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Blogging
It’s funny how I read everyone else’s blog once or twice a day and I don’t ever seem to be consistent writing my own. Maybe it’s because that is what I need from this community; the sense of knowing there are others just like me…..
Anyway, we went to Florida for spring break and met my parent and my brother and his family. My parents rented a house, it was very nice. We had our own pool and hot tub. There were no major fights or arguments. However, it wasn’t as fun as it could have been. My brother is a manic depressive and he is either manic or depressive. Therefore, while he is manic he talks too much and cleans all the time. When he is depressive he is just a grumpy old ass; he is also sometimes mean to my nephew which is hard for me to watch. He tried; I give him credit for that much. I don’t necessarily think that any one person in my family is really all that annoying, you just can’t put us all together LOL!
I’m sure a lot of people could say that about their families. However, my family has a deep, dark, history that I never really discuss. Most people probably think it is out of embarrassment, but really it is out of loyalty. Or maybe it is because I don’t know where to begin, or when I do start talking about it I can’t seem to stop; not to mention that it is almost unbelievable. One day I am sure I will post it on my site if only to try to learn from it.
No news on the foster front. We are meeting with Little Bits worker tomorrow, I’m sure it is just a regular visit, but maybe we will find out if he has a court date set up. He has been with us for almost 6 months! He is the happiest baby I have ever seen. He smiles at everyone and it is so contagious: )
Our baby girl is a month old and is becoming more and more alert. She looks like a doll and is just a sweet little girl. She sleeps and eats well. She sometimes smiles in her sleep and we just melt. Her mother has made no contact with OCS and they do not have any contact information on her.
We have 8 more weeks of school left. My co-teacher and I have not been getting along. She wants to be/thinks she is my boss and she is not. She is acting very unprofessional and inappropriate around our students. Today she was telling a student that he could not keep a water bottle in class with him. I would agree usually except that the assistant principal had already said they could if they were on the track team to keep hydrated. So she sent this student to me to tell me she didn’t believe this to be true!!!! She should have gone to the assistant principal if she needs clarification, not to me. She is picking on the track runners because I am their coach and that is not fair to them. She also called me a liar in her class to our students. She is out of control. I know she has a lot going on personally, but get a grip lady!!!!!!
Anyway, we went to Florida for spring break and met my parent and my brother and his family. My parents rented a house, it was very nice. We had our own pool and hot tub. There were no major fights or arguments. However, it wasn’t as fun as it could have been. My brother is a manic depressive and he is either manic or depressive. Therefore, while he is manic he talks too much and cleans all the time. When he is depressive he is just a grumpy old ass; he is also sometimes mean to my nephew which is hard for me to watch. He tried; I give him credit for that much. I don’t necessarily think that any one person in my family is really all that annoying, you just can’t put us all together LOL!
I’m sure a lot of people could say that about their families. However, my family has a deep, dark, history that I never really discuss. Most people probably think it is out of embarrassment, but really it is out of loyalty. Or maybe it is because I don’t know where to begin, or when I do start talking about it I can’t seem to stop; not to mention that it is almost unbelievable. One day I am sure I will post it on my site if only to try to learn from it.
No news on the foster front. We are meeting with Little Bits worker tomorrow, I’m sure it is just a regular visit, but maybe we will find out if he has a court date set up. He has been with us for almost 6 months! He is the happiest baby I have ever seen. He smiles at everyone and it is so contagious: )
Our baby girl is a month old and is becoming more and more alert. She looks like a doll and is just a sweet little girl. She sleeps and eats well. She sometimes smiles in her sleep and we just melt. Her mother has made no contact with OCS and they do not have any contact information on her.
We have 8 more weeks of school left. My co-teacher and I have not been getting along. She wants to be/thinks she is my boss and she is not. She is acting very unprofessional and inappropriate around our students. Today she was telling a student that he could not keep a water bottle in class with him. I would agree usually except that the assistant principal had already said they could if they were on the track team to keep hydrated. So she sent this student to me to tell me she didn’t believe this to be true!!!! She should have gone to the assistant principal if she needs clarification, not to me. She is picking on the track runners because I am their coach and that is not fair to them. She also called me a liar in her class to our students. She is out of control. I know she has a lot going on personally, but get a grip lady!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
No Show
Mom was a no show for her visit today. They even sent a worker for transportation. When they got to the motel mom was staying at a tall white guy answered the door of the room. We are pretty sure they are gone. The workers have no contact information for mom or dad, and are giving the parents 4 months to show up; if they don't then they will begin the TPR process: for abandonment.
It seems promising at this point that we will be able to adopt her. In fact, if they don't come back we may end up adopting her before Little Bit. We will pray that 4 months goes quickly and that her “parents” stay away. I know that sounds horrible, but her mother had expressed on more than one occasion that she wanted us to have her baby. Maybe this is her way of doing so. Only time will tell; until then, we will love and take care of this baby.
It seems promising at this point that we will be able to adopt her. In fact, if they don't come back we may end up adopting her before Little Bit. We will pray that 4 months goes quickly and that her “parents” stay away. I know that sounds horrible, but her mother had expressed on more than one occasion that she wanted us to have her baby. Maybe this is her way of doing so. Only time will tell; until then, we will love and take care of this baby.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Court Date
Since "dad" did not show up to court last week it was continued to today. This week neither parent showed up so an appearance hearing was set for April 17th. Also, a bench warrent was set for "dad." Let's see if mom shows up for her visit on Tuesday....
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
1st Missed Drug Screening
Our baby girl's mother missed her first drug screening today. That's all I have to say about that.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Quick Update
Our girl is beautiful! She is tiny and sweet. She is just about 6 pounds 4 ounces. She had lost weight in the hospital because of the cocaine being breastfeed to her. She went to her one week check up and the doctor said she looked great! He also said that any effects from the drugs would have shown already.
We meet her mom last Tuesday at court. She has had five children before this baby and all of them have been taken away. She was a little defensive at first, but then warmed up to us. She really does not like the case workers, and won’t tell them anything, or be truthful with information. She did state that she was keeping this baby since she has a man this time.
Of course court was continued because the father named on the birth certificate was not there. Yes, you read that correctly, he is the father on the birth certificate, but not he biological dad. The hospital workers think that he is an illegal so we don’t expect him to show up to court.
The first visit was Thursday at the OCS office. My husband took the baby since I couldn’t take off to be there. They are making us transport her twice a week. At this visit the mom confessed to my husband that her husband is drinking again and wants to leave her. She said that she will try to pull things together to get her baby back, but if she can’t she really wants us to adopt her…..
We have a visit this Tuesday and another court date on Thursday. I am really hoping that the mom makes the right decision and gives her baby to us. She seems to know that she can’t provide or care for this child and wants the best for her.
In other news Little Bit had his hernia surgery and circumcision. He was such a champ he smiled as we left the hospital. At one point I was in the recovery room with both of my babies and I was just overwhelmed with pride and love. I am so lucky.
Oh, and to show how William, the big brother, is adjusting to all of these changes he cut his hair this past weekend. He now has a cute crew cut! He is an incredible child and is so great with the babies.
Lastly, I just want to say how much fun I am having picking out girl clothes!
We meet her mom last Tuesday at court. She has had five children before this baby and all of them have been taken away. She was a little defensive at first, but then warmed up to us. She really does not like the case workers, and won’t tell them anything, or be truthful with information. She did state that she was keeping this baby since she has a man this time.
Of course court was continued because the father named on the birth certificate was not there. Yes, you read that correctly, he is the father on the birth certificate, but not he biological dad. The hospital workers think that he is an illegal so we don’t expect him to show up to court.
The first visit was Thursday at the OCS office. My husband took the baby since I couldn’t take off to be there. They are making us transport her twice a week. At this visit the mom confessed to my husband that her husband is drinking again and wants to leave her. She said that she will try to pull things together to get her baby back, but if she can’t she really wants us to adopt her…..
We have a visit this Tuesday and another court date on Thursday. I am really hoping that the mom makes the right decision and gives her baby to us. She seems to know that she can’t provide or care for this child and wants the best for her.
In other news Little Bit had his hernia surgery and circumcision. He was such a champ he smiled as we left the hospital. At one point I was in the recovery room with both of my babies and I was just overwhelmed with pride and love. I am so lucky.
Oh, and to show how William, the big brother, is adjusting to all of these changes he cut his hair this past weekend. He now has a cute crew cut! He is an incredible child and is so great with the babies.
Lastly, I just want to say how much fun I am having picking out girl clothes!
Friday, February 29, 2008
It's a Girl!
We got a call for a 2 day old baby girl today while Jake's case worker was visiting. In fact we got a couple of calls within minutes of each other for different children. I guess when it rains it pours. We have decided to take her. That sounds so blah! WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE HER!!! I don't know much more then that they found cocaine in her system. Her mother is 32 and there is a father/husband, but they don't know his involvement level. When I asked if we are just a foster home or an adoptive placement the supervisor said," Well, every foster child's goal is reunification, but we feel she needs an adoptive home."
Of course we have a lot of people telling us that we shouldn't take her, but we just can't think of any reason not to. We wanted a daughter, we wanted a large family, and we wanted to do it through foster care. I could care less that they are 4 1/2 months apart. It would be like having twins, and maybe even easier since Little Bit is sleeping really well and is always so happy!! I only have 10 weeks of school left and spring break in three weeks.
Now the only thing left is the daunting task of finding someone to watch the baby until she can go to daycare….
I can’t wait to meet her!!!
Of course we have a lot of people telling us that we shouldn't take her, but we just can't think of any reason not to. We wanted a daughter, we wanted a large family, and we wanted to do it through foster care. I could care less that they are 4 1/2 months apart. It would be like having twins, and maybe even easier since Little Bit is sleeping really well and is always so happy!! I only have 10 weeks of school left and spring break in three weeks.
Now the only thing left is the daunting task of finding someone to watch the baby until she can go to daycare….
I can’t wait to meet her!!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Almost Famous
That is the question I keep hearing from my students. You know since two of my close friends from high school Dia.blo Cod.y A.K.A:Br.ook Bus.ey and Pe.te Wen.tz are famous why I am not. The answer is I am not sure that I really would want all that attention and I definitely do not want to fly all that much. Nor would I want to leave my children at all!!!! The biggest reason is I have a hard time deciding what I really would want to be famous for. I probably could be a professional country singer or an Olympic runner. But both are too time consuming. I really like the life I have. Lastly, I think you have to be pretty full of yourself to pursue either and my parents made it very clear at a very young age that I will never deserve good things in life. Unfortunately, I still believe it.
I guess my actual dream would be to win the Olympics and sing the National Anthem, then start a singing career. I mean I ran a 5:15 mile in high school and I used to sing before all of my races and basketball games. If I could get my mile time down to 5 minutes and run a 16:30 5k I would be well on my way. My goal for this year is to run a 5:00minute mile by July 4th. I have 4 more months to train.
I guess my actual dream would be to win the Olympics and sing the National Anthem, then start a singing career. I mean I ran a 5:15 mile in high school and I used to sing before all of my races and basketball games. If I could get my mile time down to 5 minutes and run a 16:30 5k I would be well on my way. My goal for this year is to run a 5:00minute mile by July 4th. I have 4 more months to train.
Monday, February 25, 2008
OSCAR
My best friend from high school won an Academy Award last night for best original screen play. Isn't that amazing!!!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
4 Months
Another month has come and gone. Here’s the recap:
We had our first home visit since we got Little Bit back in October. Our worker pretty much just came to our house and played with the baby. We discussed how mom is not ready for visits; in fact, she might not be able to stay at the facility she is at since has not transitioned well. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever see his mother or father again……beside court dates that is…..
Doctor visits: Little bit had three doctor visits last week.
The first one was with the urologist for his double hernia. The doctor said that he will be able to fix it as well as bring down his right testicle and circumcise him. His operation will be on March 7th.
We then had to go to the cardiologist for surgery clearance since he was diagnosed previously with a murmur. The cardiologist is actually one of my students’ father. He diagnosed Little Bit with a mild pulmonary stenosis, which means that the value from his heart to his lung is thicker than it should be. Nothing that is immediately serious, but is something that needs to be watched. This means he has to go back in 6 moths for a check-up. The good news is that he most likely will grow out of it; 85% of children do.
Lastly, Little Bit had his 4 month visit. He is 15 pounds, 4ounces and 24 inches long. He is now cleared to eat rice cereal so we tried it this morning and he loved it! He received his 4 month shots and they made him so sleepy. I know I sound paranoid but after every vaccination I check to make sure that he is responsive and maintains eye contact. So far, so good. Autism is so prevalent, especially in boys, that I feel like it would be irresponsible not to check up on him.
Last weekend we went to the zoo with Dream Mommy and her family. We had such a good time! We are all going to Florida over spring break. I can’t wait!!! Still working out all of the details, but I know we will go to a couple of theme parks and water parks. Did I say I can’t wait?
Track season starts tomorrow. I think I will have close to 60 runners this year. I hope the weather stays nice. I love being around other people, even if they are children, who love running as much as I do.
We had our first home visit since we got Little Bit back in October. Our worker pretty much just came to our house and played with the baby. We discussed how mom is not ready for visits; in fact, she might not be able to stay at the facility she is at since has not transitioned well. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever see his mother or father again……beside court dates that is…..
Doctor visits: Little bit had three doctor visits last week.
The first one was with the urologist for his double hernia. The doctor said that he will be able to fix it as well as bring down his right testicle and circumcise him. His operation will be on March 7th.
We then had to go to the cardiologist for surgery clearance since he was diagnosed previously with a murmur. The cardiologist is actually one of my students’ father. He diagnosed Little Bit with a mild pulmonary stenosis, which means that the value from his heart to his lung is thicker than it should be. Nothing that is immediately serious, but is something that needs to be watched. This means he has to go back in 6 moths for a check-up. The good news is that he most likely will grow out of it; 85% of children do.
Lastly, Little Bit had his 4 month visit. He is 15 pounds, 4ounces and 24 inches long. He is now cleared to eat rice cereal so we tried it this morning and he loved it! He received his 4 month shots and they made him so sleepy. I know I sound paranoid but after every vaccination I check to make sure that he is responsive and maintains eye contact. So far, so good. Autism is so prevalent, especially in boys, that I feel like it would be irresponsible not to check up on him.
Last weekend we went to the zoo with Dream Mommy and her family. We had such a good time! We are all going to Florida over spring break. I can’t wait!!! Still working out all of the details, but I know we will go to a couple of theme parks and water parks. Did I say I can’t wait?
Track season starts tomorrow. I think I will have close to 60 runners this year. I hope the weather stays nice. I love being around other people, even if they are children, who love running as much as I do.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Mom Test
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. “Why?” my daughter asked. “Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.” I was thinking quickly. “All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.” We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. “OH...I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.” “Exactly.” I replied back with a big smile on my face.
Monday, January 21, 2008
3 Months and More
Where has the time gone…..My boy is now three months old!!! He is still the most content child and smiles at everyone. He is developing normally and is just such a blessing. He is at daycare while I am at work and has great teachers who love him. He is starting to roll over and loves to move! He also learned how to yell over the holidays. He thinks that’s how you talk. Not that I expected any less after he was around my family for the holidays. We are going to get his three month pictures tonight.
I love watching my husband father this child. Yes, we have an older child, but P wasn’t in the picture until W was 15 months old, this is his first baby. Not that I’m surprised in the least. He has always been a wonderful man; it is just fun to watch.
We haven’t been on a visit to see Little Bits mother since before the holidays. Ever since she moved to the new facility she has not been well enough for visits. I hope she being treated well and is getting the help she needs.
My grandmother had a fall a couple of weeks before Christmas and is back in the hospital because they found blood on her brain. She had brain surgery to stop the bleeding and is recovering. They also said that she might have had a minor stroke. She should get out of the hospital in a couple of weeks. She is resisting rehab, but needs it to recover. I can’t imagine how hard this is for her since she has always been so independent. She will be again; she just needs to do the work. She will be 81 this July, and my grandparents will be married for 60 years. She is my most favorite person in the whole world. I am so glad that she was able to visit me last spring and that we have always had such a great relationship.
My grandmother is also a breast cancer survivor and for her surgery they had to shave her head. It kills me that she has to go through that experience again!!! So this past weekend I got 12 inches cut off my hair and am sending it to locks of love. It is such a worthy cause and really it’s just hair. This is the 3rd time I have done this and plan on doing it for the rest of my life. I hope anyone else who can, will join me in this cause.
I love watching my husband father this child. Yes, we have an older child, but P wasn’t in the picture until W was 15 months old, this is his first baby. Not that I’m surprised in the least. He has always been a wonderful man; it is just fun to watch.
We haven’t been on a visit to see Little Bits mother since before the holidays. Ever since she moved to the new facility she has not been well enough for visits. I hope she being treated well and is getting the help she needs.
My grandmother had a fall a couple of weeks before Christmas and is back in the hospital because they found blood on her brain. She had brain surgery to stop the bleeding and is recovering. They also said that she might have had a minor stroke. She should get out of the hospital in a couple of weeks. She is resisting rehab, but needs it to recover. I can’t imagine how hard this is for her since she has always been so independent. She will be again; she just needs to do the work. She will be 81 this July, and my grandparents will be married for 60 years. She is my most favorite person in the whole world. I am so glad that she was able to visit me last spring and that we have always had such a great relationship.
My grandmother is also a breast cancer survivor and for her surgery they had to shave her head. It kills me that she has to go through that experience again!!! So this past weekend I got 12 inches cut off my hair and am sending it to locks of love. It is such a worthy cause and really it’s just hair. This is the 3rd time I have done this and plan on doing it for the rest of my life. I hope anyone else who can, will join me in this cause.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Pictures
I am so sorry if I have not sent you pictures of little bit yet!!! I kind of lost track of who I still needed to send them to. So if you still want them please leave me your e-mail addresss in the comments section.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
2 Months
Two Month Check-Up
Where to start….
When we first got little bit they told us that his testicles had not descended and that we need to keep an eye on it. My husband and I both agreed on many occasions that they looked like they had dropped, but then they looked like they would migrate back up. Well, we were half right, his testicles did drop, but in doing this it caused a double hernia in which he will need surgery next month. Needless to say, I am a little worried. He is just so little.
First, I have to go to the cardiologist to get his heart checked out since the doctor thought he heard an extra little beat. He doesn’t think it is anything, but we need to get it checked out before he has surgery. The weird coincidence is that I was just diagnosed with an extra heart beat this last summer. So now I tell people that we share the same heart.
The doctor also diagnosed the bruise like mark on his bottom as a Mongolian spot. He said it is common in children of African American descent. I thought it was from his deliveryJ I also just wanted it documented so that I would never be accused of putting it there. I know, isn’t sad that foster parents have to be so worried all the time.
There was also a little bump behind his right ear that was diagnosed as a swollen lymph node, nothing to worry about.
I left the office with an appointment with a cardiologist and a pediatric surgeon in January. I told the doctor that little bit would be on our private insurance after January 1 and he said that I should wait until then so that I could see certain doctors.
Baby Mama Drama Continued
My baby’s mama is being transferred from the mental hospital to what I am assuming is a residential facility 2 hours away! So our visit has obviously been cancelled again this week. I don’t know what type of visits they are going to be or what they are going to ask us to do from now on. I can’t imagine driving that once a month, let alone once a week. It would be a total of 4 hours at the minimum depending on traffic.
I have to be honest and say that I am a little relieved that she is not being moved back to the city we live in. She has a brother who also lives here and he has been trying to contact her and find out about the baby. She has already signed a document stating that she does not want him to have the baby, but I was worried that he would find her and try to talk her into it. She won’t receive phone calls from him at he mental hospital, so I am going to assume that will remain the case when she moves. Also, I highly doubt any other family members will make the trip to see her. It’s not that I don’t want family reunification; it’s just that I know her family’s history and I know that this child wouldn’t be anything more than a “paycheck.”
Hopefully, his caseworker will call me and let me know what the next is tomorrow.
Where to start….
When we first got little bit they told us that his testicles had not descended and that we need to keep an eye on it. My husband and I both agreed on many occasions that they looked like they had dropped, but then they looked like they would migrate back up. Well, we were half right, his testicles did drop, but in doing this it caused a double hernia in which he will need surgery next month. Needless to say, I am a little worried. He is just so little.
First, I have to go to the cardiologist to get his heart checked out since the doctor thought he heard an extra little beat. He doesn’t think it is anything, but we need to get it checked out before he has surgery. The weird coincidence is that I was just diagnosed with an extra heart beat this last summer. So now I tell people that we share the same heart.
The doctor also diagnosed the bruise like mark on his bottom as a Mongolian spot. He said it is common in children of African American descent. I thought it was from his deliveryJ I also just wanted it documented so that I would never be accused of putting it there. I know, isn’t sad that foster parents have to be so worried all the time.
There was also a little bump behind his right ear that was diagnosed as a swollen lymph node, nothing to worry about.
I left the office with an appointment with a cardiologist and a pediatric surgeon in January. I told the doctor that little bit would be on our private insurance after January 1 and he said that I should wait until then so that I could see certain doctors.
Baby Mama Drama Continued
My baby’s mama is being transferred from the mental hospital to what I am assuming is a residential facility 2 hours away! So our visit has obviously been cancelled again this week. I don’t know what type of visits they are going to be or what they are going to ask us to do from now on. I can’t imagine driving that once a month, let alone once a week. It would be a total of 4 hours at the minimum depending on traffic.
I have to be honest and say that I am a little relieved that she is not being moved back to the city we live in. She has a brother who also lives here and he has been trying to contact her and find out about the baby. She has already signed a document stating that she does not want him to have the baby, but I was worried that he would find her and try to talk her into it. She won’t receive phone calls from him at he mental hospital, so I am going to assume that will remain the case when she moves. Also, I highly doubt any other family members will make the trip to see her. It’s not that I don’t want family reunification; it’s just that I know her family’s history and I know that this child wouldn’t be anything more than a “paycheck.”
Hopefully, his caseworker will call me and let me know what the next is tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Who?
Okay, I know, I am a bad blogger, but I promise to be better now!!! I am done with my Master's degree in education!!!!!! Well, I am waiting for my portfolio to be approved, but all of the papers have been handed in and graded.
Here is a post I wrote after our case plan meeting last month:
Case Plan Meeting
The visit today was just as bizarre as usual. First, the guard at the gate of the mental hospital would not let me in since I could not remember the name of the building mom was in. Of course, once my case worker showed she decided that I could be let in, but I better follow the proper procedures next time. We walked into the facility and bio dad and mom were waiting in the hall for us. Little bit looks just like his father. Mom was more interested in dad then the baby. She was quite out of it and couldn’t stop, crying, swearing and talking gibberish. When we went to the visitor’s room the VOA representatives were already seated, as was the social worker from the hospital, little bits case worker, the psychiatrist, and little bit’s case investigator. The room is set up with a table and chairs in the middle and two couches, one on each side of the table. Everyone was sitting at the table except my husband and I and little bit were on one couch, and the bio dad was on the other couch. The case worker kept trying to start the meeting, but mom couldn’t pull herself together. She keep crying and talking about if she would ever get out of the hospital she would……. Dad did try to tell her to take her meds and listen. Dad also did hold the baby when we first got there, but only for about a minute, and not very well. It seemed like he couldn’t wait to hand him back. Anyway, the case worker started discussing the steps that mom would need to take to get her child back and dad kind of whispered something to the psychiatrist. No one really heard him so he said it louder. He said, “I don’t want any homosexual raising my child.” No one really answered him. Then he said it again and the psychiatrist explained to him that we were the foster parents and that we were a married heterosexual couple. Dad then pointed to my husband and stated, “No, that guy is gay.” We just sat there with are mouths shut and let the psychiatrist deal with it. The case worker got through all of the expectations of the bio mom and the started stating what dad would need to do. Dad adamantly stated that he wasn’t going to take substance abuse classes, parenting classes, or see any judges. He also didn’t know his address and doesn’t believe in phones. If you want to contact him you either need to write him a letter or leave a note on his door at home. Two other questions dad asked was if we were feeding the baby and also if we get a check for him. I told of course we are feeding him and that even if we did receive a check it would never cover daycare, formula, and diapers. Dad also stated that he had no family that he would want the baby go to.I felt better after the meeting and a little insane………..I just keep saying that no one would believe if I told them what is like to visit your child’s mother and father in a mental hospital.
All of the visits after that one, dad has been a no show. Mom asks every time I walk in where he is and I have to tell her over and over again that I don't know him. She tells the same stories week after week, but is always pleasant. She is always respectful. At the last visit she really wanted me to know that she DID NOT want her brother and sister in law to get the baby. I assured her that the document she signed at court would make sure that they wouldn't.
I also asked her if she would like to change the babies diaper; she tried but admitted she didn't know what to do. I helped with the diaper change and also snapping his pants back together.
She really only holds him for about 10 minutes during the hour visit. She gets nervous, bored or is just so wrapped up in her own story that she can't focus on him.
This week I was suppose to go visit mom on Tuesday, but the mental hospital social worker called and said it wouldn’t be appropriate. Mom was having a bad day. I asked if I should come later that week and she said it probably wouldn't be a good idea..... I made sure I called little bit's case worker so she could document this cancelled visit.
As for an update on little bit, he is getting really chubby and is smiling all of the time. He usually sleeps through the night and loves car rides. He is just a huge blessing to our family. William loves him so much and calls him his baby. He is a wonderful big brother. I have his 2 months check-up tomorrow-shots and all-I will update then, I promise!!!
Oh, and if you would like to see a picture of little bit, shoot me an e-mail!!
Here is a post I wrote after our case plan meeting last month:
Case Plan Meeting
The visit today was just as bizarre as usual. First, the guard at the gate of the mental hospital would not let me in since I could not remember the name of the building mom was in. Of course, once my case worker showed she decided that I could be let in, but I better follow the proper procedures next time. We walked into the facility and bio dad and mom were waiting in the hall for us. Little bit looks just like his father. Mom was more interested in dad then the baby. She was quite out of it and couldn’t stop, crying, swearing and talking gibberish. When we went to the visitor’s room the VOA representatives were already seated, as was the social worker from the hospital, little bits case worker, the psychiatrist, and little bit’s case investigator. The room is set up with a table and chairs in the middle and two couches, one on each side of the table. Everyone was sitting at the table except my husband and I and little bit were on one couch, and the bio dad was on the other couch. The case worker kept trying to start the meeting, but mom couldn’t pull herself together. She keep crying and talking about if she would ever get out of the hospital she would……. Dad did try to tell her to take her meds and listen. Dad also did hold the baby when we first got there, but only for about a minute, and not very well. It seemed like he couldn’t wait to hand him back. Anyway, the case worker started discussing the steps that mom would need to take to get her child back and dad kind of whispered something to the psychiatrist. No one really heard him so he said it louder. He said, “I don’t want any homosexual raising my child.” No one really answered him. Then he said it again and the psychiatrist explained to him that we were the foster parents and that we were a married heterosexual couple. Dad then pointed to my husband and stated, “No, that guy is gay.” We just sat there with are mouths shut and let the psychiatrist deal with it. The case worker got through all of the expectations of the bio mom and the started stating what dad would need to do. Dad adamantly stated that he wasn’t going to take substance abuse classes, parenting classes, or see any judges. He also didn’t know his address and doesn’t believe in phones. If you want to contact him you either need to write him a letter or leave a note on his door at home. Two other questions dad asked was if we were feeding the baby and also if we get a check for him. I told of course we are feeding him and that even if we did receive a check it would never cover daycare, formula, and diapers. Dad also stated that he had no family that he would want the baby go to.I felt better after the meeting and a little insane………..I just keep saying that no one would believe if I told them what is like to visit your child’s mother and father in a mental hospital.
All of the visits after that one, dad has been a no show. Mom asks every time I walk in where he is and I have to tell her over and over again that I don't know him. She tells the same stories week after week, but is always pleasant. She is always respectful. At the last visit she really wanted me to know that she DID NOT want her brother and sister in law to get the baby. I assured her that the document she signed at court would make sure that they wouldn't.
I also asked her if she would like to change the babies diaper; she tried but admitted she didn't know what to do. I helped with the diaper change and also snapping his pants back together.
She really only holds him for about 10 minutes during the hour visit. She gets nervous, bored or is just so wrapped up in her own story that she can't focus on him.
This week I was suppose to go visit mom on Tuesday, but the mental hospital social worker called and said it wouldn’t be appropriate. Mom was having a bad day. I asked if I should come later that week and she said it probably wouldn't be a good idea..... I made sure I called little bit's case worker so she could document this cancelled visit.
As for an update on little bit, he is getting really chubby and is smiling all of the time. He usually sleeps through the night and loves car rides. He is just a huge blessing to our family. William loves him so much and calls him his baby. He is a wonderful big brother. I have his 2 months check-up tomorrow-shots and all-I will update then, I promise!!!
Oh, and if you would like to see a picture of little bit, shoot me an e-mail!!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
DIal-up
Sorry everyone!!! I am in Chicago and my parents have dial up!!!! UGH!!! I know it is insane. I do I have a post about meeting little guy's dad and his parents case plan meeting but my computer is dead. I will hopefully have it back sometime next week. I will try to respond to some of your posts, but can't make any promises. Just know that I am reading!!!!
Love,
R
Love,
R
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
insult to injury
My ex-husband's girlfreind is four months pregnant with a little boy....I found out from my cousin and had to call him to confirm.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
visit #2
The visit last Wednesday went the exact way I thought the first visit should have gone. Of course, my husband came with me and we met the case worker before we went inside the hospital. She asked me what my thoughts were at this point about bio mom’s capability of taking care of the baby. My response was does it really matter what I think?!? She said it did. I told her the truth. I told her that I just didn’t think that she was capable of taking of herself, let alone a newborn baby. She said she agreed.
We got to the front of the hospital and his mom was outside waiting for us. She gave me a big hug and said she was so thankful that God had sent her child to such wonderful people. We went to the same visiting room that we were in the previous week, but this time it was just Bio mom, my husband and I, and the case worker. Occasionally, the hospital social worker would come in to check on mom.
I handed the baby over to mom, she didn’t ask to hold him. She didn’t really talk to the baby or snuggle him, she was too involved in telling us stories from her life. Most of the stories didn’t really make a lot of sense, but we listened anyway. She keeps talking about her dead sister and how she was physically abused by friends and family members. She said that she was afraid that “they” would find her and hurt her if she got out. That really made my husband and I very scared and sad for her. She also discussed her drug use at great length. Including mentioning that she was, “smoking the crack pipe,” and “sweeping away blunts,” as early as last October. She also talked about not feeling good and that she didn’t think she would ever leave the mental hospital. The social workers there keep assuring her that it was when she leaves, not if she leaves…..
While she was holding the baby he became very fussy and I was waiting to see if she was capable of figuring out what he needs. She asked if he could be hungry. That was a relief; at least she could figure out what he might need if he goes back to her. However, while she was feeding him she was so involved in her story that the nipple fell out of his mouth and she didn’t even realize it. I was glad the case worker saw this action. She also had no idea how to burp the baby. So I sat next to her and took the baby and showed her how to burp him. I couldn’t listen to his cries of pain. Again, I was glad the case worker saw this too. The funny thing was after I took him to burp him she didn’t ask or motion to want him back. She actually seemed relieved that I took him and was caring for him. Also, when she tells her stories she always validates their conent with herself. Example, " They would steal all my money and food...yeah...they would beat and I'm not stupid, yeah..." This really is the way she talks.
When we left the hospital I explained to the case worker that as a foster/adopt child myself if I thought that this baby’s mother was capable of caring for him I would want him to be with her; because that is what I would have wanted for myself. However, I really don’t believe that she is capable. I also said that I would continue visitations with her if he ended up with us. (Obviously, she would have to be clean and nonviolent.) I wish that would have been an option for me.
My husband then started asking some questions:
How long has she been in the mental hospital: 7 months- it was court appointed, but she could technically leave at anytime.
How did mom and dad meet: in a mental health facility; dad is also mentally impaired.-Both have long records of mental health/drug facilities under their belts, and mom has claimed abuse at many of them.
What is going on with the VOA: They are still helping mom find a place to live, but the baby will not go with her at this time.
We will supposedly meet dad this week to set up their family case plan. He couldn’t make it this week because it was too early. It was 9:00am. My husband and I missed a ½ day of worked, had to find arrangements for our other son, and drove 45 minutes to the hospital. Whatever! So the meeting next week is for 10:00am. I hope he does show up so that we can set up his case plan that he probably won’t follow. Did I mention he is in a halfway house and has never seen his son?!?
I think I have included everything, but will update if I remember anything else.
We got to the front of the hospital and his mom was outside waiting for us. She gave me a big hug and said she was so thankful that God had sent her child to such wonderful people. We went to the same visiting room that we were in the previous week, but this time it was just Bio mom, my husband and I, and the case worker. Occasionally, the hospital social worker would come in to check on mom.
I handed the baby over to mom, she didn’t ask to hold him. She didn’t really talk to the baby or snuggle him, she was too involved in telling us stories from her life. Most of the stories didn’t really make a lot of sense, but we listened anyway. She keeps talking about her dead sister and how she was physically abused by friends and family members. She said that she was afraid that “they” would find her and hurt her if she got out. That really made my husband and I very scared and sad for her. She also discussed her drug use at great length. Including mentioning that she was, “smoking the crack pipe,” and “sweeping away blunts,” as early as last October. She also talked about not feeling good and that she didn’t think she would ever leave the mental hospital. The social workers there keep assuring her that it was when she leaves, not if she leaves…..
While she was holding the baby he became very fussy and I was waiting to see if she was capable of figuring out what he needs. She asked if he could be hungry. That was a relief; at least she could figure out what he might need if he goes back to her. However, while she was feeding him she was so involved in her story that the nipple fell out of his mouth and she didn’t even realize it. I was glad the case worker saw this action. She also had no idea how to burp the baby. So I sat next to her and took the baby and showed her how to burp him. I couldn’t listen to his cries of pain. Again, I was glad the case worker saw this too. The funny thing was after I took him to burp him she didn’t ask or motion to want him back. She actually seemed relieved that I took him and was caring for him. Also, when she tells her stories she always validates their conent with herself. Example, " They would steal all my money and food...yeah...they would beat and I'm not stupid, yeah..." This really is the way she talks.
When we left the hospital I explained to the case worker that as a foster/adopt child myself if I thought that this baby’s mother was capable of caring for him I would want him to be with her; because that is what I would have wanted for myself. However, I really don’t believe that she is capable. I also said that I would continue visitations with her if he ended up with us. (Obviously, she would have to be clean and nonviolent.) I wish that would have been an option for me.
My husband then started asking some questions:
How long has she been in the mental hospital: 7 months- it was court appointed, but she could technically leave at anytime.
How did mom and dad meet: in a mental health facility; dad is also mentally impaired.-Both have long records of mental health/drug facilities under their belts, and mom has claimed abuse at many of them.
What is going on with the VOA: They are still helping mom find a place to live, but the baby will not go with her at this time.
We will supposedly meet dad this week to set up their family case plan. He couldn’t make it this week because it was too early. It was 9:00am. My husband and I missed a ½ day of worked, had to find arrangements for our other son, and drove 45 minutes to the hospital. Whatever! So the meeting next week is for 10:00am. I hope he does show up so that we can set up his case plan that he probably won’t follow. Did I mention he is in a halfway house and has never seen his son?!?
I think I have included everything, but will update if I remember anything else.
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