Thanks you guys!!

Wow! You guys are such a great support system!!! I always knew this, but I really felt it after my post last week. I am preparing myself for tomorrow's visit. At least my husband is coming with me; he just can't pass up going to a mental hospital on Halloween. I will write again tomorrow to keep you updated.....

Congrats to both cookie crumbs and dream mommny on their good news!!

1st visit

I had my first experience with baby mama drama on Wednesday when we met for the first time. Not from her, since she is bi-polar and schizophrenic, and is not in this world most of the time; but from the Volunteers of America who wanted to place the baby and her in a home even though she is clearly not capable of taking care of either of them. Not to mention she is still in a mental hospital and the doctor is the one who said that she is not capable, and that is why the baby was placed with us in the first place.

Anyway, we have a lawyer now and our case worker has assured us that VOA is contracted by the hospital and has no say over the baby. So even if she is placed by them, the baby will not go. The mother still needs to work her case plan just like everyone else who wants to get their children back. They have found “dad” and he supposedly wants to be involved, but is currently in a halfway house of sorts and has no family support. I think that VOA has a lot to do with him being “involved.” .

Needless to say I was a basket case. I couldn’t believe my ears. These people really think it would be in this child’s best interest to live in a residential home for his entire life with a woman who couldn’t remember who I was after ten minutes of visiting?!? They were trying to assure the case worker that there is 24 hour supervision at the home. Well, if you need 24 hour supervision to raise your baby, maybe you shouldn’t have your baby….

I cried most of the morning, and not for the fear of losing my sweet pea, but for the life he would be subjected to if he had to live with his mother. I really think that if I handed the baby over to my son, who is four, and said take care of him, he could do a better job. Not to mention he would get better with time since he would grow up and is able to learn new skills. Sweet pea’s mother will never be capable of living by herself. I just kept thinking my boy would probably end up in the same mental hospital or a juvenile home or jail or worse….

Okay, I am getting way ahead of myself and have promised to take this one day at a time. As the case worker said if mom wants him back she needs to work the plan and she hasn’t done anything yet. Also, they wanted to start visits while she was in the mental hospital to show to the courts that she is not capable. My husband is coming to the next visit so at least I won't feel so blind sided.

Keep us in your prayers....

My boy...

Is an angel sent from heaven. He only wakes up once a night to eat and goes back to sleep. He is content being held or sleeping in his crib. He loves to eat and is a great little brother!

Now, the waiting begins once again. It seems likely that he will stay with us since they were looking for an adoptive placement, not just a foster home. Also, we have already been approved to take him home for Thanksgiving and Christmas; and no visitation has been set up for his mother as of yet.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, but infertility has jaded me into thinking that the worst case scenario is going to happen. I have to be honest and say that I cry from happiness and grieving everyday. I know how blessed I am to have this child in my life, but I also know it may not be forever. However, I will enjoy everyday I get to spend with this incredible boy and love him, love him, love him!!!

He's here!!!

We got our boy yesterday! We waited for three hours with no word from the case worker, but she showed up with him at 6:30. We were hoping to get him before cross-country practice; the entire team was on our front yard as they pulled up. The worker, said she has never seen such a homecoming. He is healthy, about 6 1/2 lbs, dark hair. He has hardly made a sound since he arrived...he is very content, except for his appetite. He took down four ounces of formula like it was nothing. William is very excited! He has been waiting for a sibling for a long time.

It's a boy!

So we are "technically" (all the paper work is in) not certified yet, but my son will be dropped off on Monday at 3:30.

What we know so far:

His mother is in a facility (jail)
His biological father is nowhere to be found (mom's not sure who he is)
He had no drugs in his system
He is 2 days old today

I’m still in shock, but so excited!!!

IUI #2

Estrogen level 826
Sperm count 65million
Doctor's exact words, "I am cautiously optimistic!"

Check!

Okay things that are done:

References: had two different people get them, finish them, and fax them back in one day....That's impressive!

Sizes of our bedrooms- DONE!

Things that are almost done:

I need to call the doctors office tomorrow since they have the form they just need the fax number to send it back.

I can’t find my pay stub since I only have gotten one since the beginning of the school year and won't get another one till next Friday (once a month pay periods.) Need to get a copy from our HR office.

Just need to find time to search in our cars and get the insurance cards copied.

We also need to have our backgrounds checked in Colorado and we have to have a form notarized and send $10.00 each!!!

Will the paper trail never end!

The funny thing is now I get a phone call from my worker once or twice a day to see my progress on this list....what is the deal with these people? They don't call for weeks and then they nag.

In other news my 2nd IUI is scheduled for this Saturday. I went in today and got my HCG shot. At least IUI’s aren’t so invasive.

Things to do.....

Okay, so here is the 411 on my visit yesterday. All we did was go over the "stuff" I need to hand in and I clarified some things from our last visit. So here is my check list that I will complete this weekend:

Fax William's medical form to the doctor (again!!!) and have them fill it out and fax it back.

Copy of my pay stub

Two of my references still need to send back their forms! I will be calling them and two other people who I am sure will get it done!

Proof of car insurance (again!)

Sizes of our bedrooms

She said that once these things are in it will take about two weeks until we are certified! Now that is good news!

The sun will come out tomorrow

I called my case worker after my post last week and she did call me right back and set up another visit for tomorrow. I am glad that it is progressing, it gives me hope again. Also, I went to my IF clinic today and am going to attempt an IUI this cycle. My husband and I discussed giving this whole treatment thing a try until I turn 30. Again, I can't blame him for wanting a biological child and I will try anything to fulfill his dream. So hopefully my next post will be more exciting.

Would you like to join my pity party?

Today, I made reservations for my trips home for the holidays. Then, I saw on my calendar my son’s birthday, and the number 5. It took my breath away. I can’t believe that my baby is going to be 5 and I have no other children. Fuck, I’m not even a certified foster parent. I immediately blamed my 1st husband for wasting my youth!!! But in reality I’m not really sure it is his fault, but I will still blame him anyway :) I just want another child so much that I physically ache. I know I need to be patient, but isn’t 4 years long enough. Not to mention that I am sick of hearing about all of the celebrities who are pregnant or able to adopt a child easily. It is so infuriating! No more people.com for me!

On a different note my IF doctor here in BR called randomly just to see how things were going. It was wonderfully refreshing! We bitched about how insurance will pay for Viagra, but not birth control or IF related medicines. We talked about my options and there was no pressure either way. He really just cares. How many people can say that about their doctor? We’ll see. I might try a couple IUI’s since they are not that expensive and are painless. Honestly, I really don’t care how I get a child I just want to be able to raise and love one, be a parent, enjoy playing with them, and watch them evolve in to capable adults.

I feel better, but I still can’t dull the ache.

2nd Home Study

I had my 2nd home study. All I have to say is why do they have you fill out all of that paper work if they are just going to ask the same damn questions again? Here is my other issue, again, they expect you to have this boring life and you are just sitting around waiting for their phone call or for them to come for a visit. The reason I bring this up again is that I am a very busy woman as I suspect the rest you are. Anyway, we scheduled the visit for 3:40 because I can fly home after school ends at 3:30. Then, if it is Mon., Wed., Thurs., or Fri, night I coach XC from 5:30-7:00. Tuesday night I have my cohort seminar for my masters in teaching at 6:00-7:00, so when I say I don't have any time except from 3:40-5:25 I ain't playin'. My last visit was over two weeks ago and he hasn’t scheduled another one? WTF!

I have been MIA for a couple of weeks now due to illness! I am on the up and up so I should be able to get back to anyone who has been calling me and commenting on blogs. I’m SO sorry Lisa! I know you have been calling but I have had no voice by the end of the day to talk, or I have been going right to bed. I swear I will call on Tuesday.

School is a lot of fun, but the parents are DRAINING!!! Trust me if I have disciplined or reprimanded your child for anything it was for a great, terrific, perfect, undeniable reason…..NEWS FLASH, this just in your children are not perfect angels, you know this, you live with them.

Homestudy number 1 completed....check!

We finally had our 1st home visit. Honestly, they barely looked at our house and ask you questions we have already answered 100 times before. Again, I wasn’t all that impressed. We did discuss how to go about placing an older girl in our home and it was great to hear that we will get a lot of information about the child and will be able to work together to find a fit for our family. That was encouraging. It was also encouraging to know that we will not be blacklisted if we take a child and they do not turn out to be a good fit for us. It should never be like that and if your local agency is telling you otherwise you need to report them ASAP.

I am still having a great time in 5th grade! Our class reading is: There a Boy in the Girls’ Bathroom, by Louis Sacher. It is a great book, it is so much fun to read, and it teaches a lesson. You can’t beat that!

My cross-country team has doubled in size which is great! They kids are working so hard and are doing a wonderful job. I can’t wait for our first meet.

William’s first week at school was crazy!

Day 1: He hated school because he had to nap
Day 2: No School
Day 3: He love school it rocked
Day 4: He threw up and their as a lot of miscommunication and chaos so he hated school again.
Day 5: He wet himself at nap because they wouldn’t let him use the bathroom when he asked to go…..I guess they know to let him go now!

Why? You ask me. Why Not?

Okay, I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to update! I have been preparing for school which actually started today. This was my first time ever teaching 5th grade and I love it! It was nice being able to give directions and have them followed the first time, well most of the time :) Anyway, it was fun and the day flew by! I am excited to get into the “real” material; I have so many fun things planned. Also, I have a smart board in my classroom. Here is a link if you want to check out what it is: http://smarttech.com/

Okay, back to the why I want to adopt a girl between the ages of 5-10. I feel the real question is why not? I honestly feel so lucky to have been adopted at all. Why shouldn’t these children be looked at for adoption, because they are too old; they are spoiled goods? Yes, I know what all of you are going to tell me, they could have been abused, they might set my house on fire, they will be bad in school, they might throw fits, they might take awhile to adjust to my rules. And you know what I have to say to all of that; my OWN biological child could do all of those things!!!!! That is the reality people. Not to mention that I am well qualified to deal with a child of these ages and all of their “baggage.” I will spare you my list of credentials; actually I won’t…..I have my undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education, I am finishing my master’s in elementary education, I worked in head start for 6 years, I taught a parenting class to my head start parents, I have completed love and logic training and a millions other trainings dealing with at risk kids, I worked in Cabrini Green in Chicago and with a large base of monolingual parents and students in Colorado, I have an amazing support system, I am an adopted child myself, and last, but definitely not least, I WANT TO! So please don’t tell me your horror stories, not because I don’t want to hear it, but I don’t want you to judge a child before you ever meet them. Every child is different. I can’t believe that there are no children out there in the age range I would like who would not LOVE to be a part of a family. I am not kidding myself, I know that there will be a adjustment period, a grief period, and many other issues that will need to addressed; but remember I live it, I am that adopted child. I don’t know my biological family, I grieve for the relationships I don’t have; I understand, at least a little.

As for why we are looking at girls, we don’t want to change the birth order too much. I would like William to continue to be the oldest boy in the family. Also, he is already gaining a step sister once his dad gets married next year….but that is so not the point….anyway….there it is, agree or disagree, it’s your prerogative, just know where I am coming from.

Personality

This has been going around...Here I am....

ESFJ - The "Supporter"
ESFJs are social butterflies that value relationships, supporting and nurturing others. Never one to shy away from social events, they are often the host. They are great encouragers of teamwork. ESFJs are responsible, dutiful, observe traditions and follow rules. ESFJs have a deep concern for others and often end up as caretakers. They are sensitive to criticism and have a need to be appreciated for the good they do for others. ESFJs are understanding, generous, have a quick wit and a knack for composition and beautification.




What are you?

Home Study(part two)

This post is just going to be about me bitching about how the OSS thinks that my life revolves around their schedule.

Yes, I know I could just sit back and kiss their ass so that they will place a child with me. It's not that I am trying to be difficult; it is just the principle of how you treat people.

Example one: I call my worker back 2 days after she had called me. I was not trying to be rude or inconsiderate, I was truly busy. Have I mentioned that I am teaching 5th grade full time, coaching the schools cross-country team, finishing my masters, and raising my son right now?(And since all of my readers are women I don't even have to go into everything I do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.) So if I don't return your call it is not because I don't care or want to, it is because I really don't have the time.

Anyway, I called my worker and we were discussing the next time she could come do a visit. The whole while she kept saying that today would have been perfect for her. Eventually, I stopped her and said that even though it would have been perfect for her, it would not have worked for me. She seemed a little stunned. Well, isn't that why I haven't called back until now? Maybe they are used to working with people who don't return phone calls just because; I am not one of those people. Also, I am sick of feeling like I need to jump through hoops just because I am adopting. I am all for all the steps and procedures that are in place to ensure the safety of the children needing homes, but they shouldn’t make it so ridiculously difficult for us adoptive parents to meet those guidelines.

We went back to trying to schedule a day and she informed me that her hours were only from 7:30-2:00. I said that since I was a teacher this would not work for me unless I have a day off. I said the next day that I have off is Oct. 25th. I also told her that we were just looking to adopt right now, a girl, between the ages of 5-10 years old. This changed everything. All of a sudden she was able to come on the 15th at 3:40.

So we have a day scheduled and she said the next visit could be at her office with just my husband. Yes, it has to be at the office because he is a man; lucky. That just leaves our last visit to be scheduled. Peter and I are really looking forward to adopting an older girl. We just know that this is His calling for us. I will spear you and address that in another post :)

Home Study

We finally got a call the other day to set up our 1st home study visit. Now, I just need to find the time to call them back!

Putting it all together

What we did the last month.....

We started and completed all of our foster adopt classes. The best thing I can say about them is that they are over. I honestly didn’t learn anything that I had not known before. However, our classmates were a riot and we made some new friends.
After our first class my husband had a mini break down. I can appreciate and understand that reaction when it becomes a reality that you really may not have a biological child, though I know that is not the complete story…..it is the easiness of pregnancy, planning, and no questions; but those things are all still there, you just have 9 months to adjust.
We went to a new fertility doctor in BR. He had some test done and it turns out that I don’t have old eggs, just a limited supply, or limited edition as I like to say:) I am still waiting to hear if I still carry any antibodies that would cause infertility. The doctor also thought I might have a slight case of endometriosis. But the real shocker was that my husband may have Morphology or structure issues. We will see.
We went on a family vacation with Peter’s family, 3 sisters, 2 brothers, spouses and his parents in Michigan. I am not particularly fond of his family, but we actually had a good time. I spent most of my time with my sister in law who totally rocks!!!
After the week in Michigan, William and I spent the next week in Chicago. It was nice. My mom and I went shopping and I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew. Two of my cousins got married on the 28th. Their weddings were fun! The real funny thing about it is that they use to date. No they are not cousins. LOL.
My School starts next week. I am feeling pretty good about my preparations, but still have a lot to do!!! I am excited about teaching 5th grade.

Happy birthday to me!

Today is my birthday, I am 29!!!
I promise to update as soon as I can get my thoughts together; and I apologize for not commenting, but I was visiting my parents and they have dial-up!

Here's a little thought/comment/question...Do you think my birth parents are thinking about me?


Oh, and some big news….both of my friends looking for the double lines are now pregnant!!!! So congrats to Serenity and Baby Blues! How exciting!

Nature vs. Nurture

The nature versus nurture debates concern the relative importance of an individual's innate qualities. Nature versus personal experiences

Nature

I’m Athletic
I can sing
I am even keeled
I am compassionate
I am a teacher
I am maternal
I have brown hair and eyes and olive skin
I am short, muscular, thin
I have a fun and serious personality
I am slightly OCD
I have had cancer
I have book smarts
I am creative
I am an extrovert
I am driven
I have an amazing memory
I have a relaxed temperament (most of the time)
I have great leadership skills
I am Italian and Polish
I am an old soul

Nurture

I am an individual
I am loyal
I am loud
I talk too much
I eat too much
I am confident
I am a learner
I treat others treat others the way I want to be treated
I am catholic
I am accepting
I say what I mean, and I mean what I say
I was raised Italian and Polish
I have Street smarts
I am an entrepreneur
I am good with money
I make good decisions
I am a daughter, step daughter, granddaughter, and sister
I mimic my mother’s mannerisms, voice, and handwriting

I do believe that each quality has been shaped by both nature and nurture; and as you can see some characteristics overlap. I say this because I think that nature gave them to me to begin with, but nurture made sure that they continued on. Also, there are other qualities I am sure I am overlooking but I thought this was a good start.
I would love to hear what you guys have observed in your adoptive children, or in yourselves, or just your comments!

Do we look alike?

Wow! I love all of the responses to my last post. So here’s another:

When you are an adopted child, one of the many things you feel like you are missing out on is looking like some else. When I was a child I remember looking at my family and trying to see where I fit. I did not look like anyone; not even a little bit. I’m not saying it bothered me, because truly it didn’t, but when my son was born I loved the fact that we looked a look. In fact, if you really think about it my son is my only blood relative (that I know). I guess it never bothered me because I never felt adopted. The family I have IS my family, and if anyone were ever to say differently they would have my grandmother to deal with.

As an adult I still find myself searching for people who look similar to me; or how other families look like each other. For instance, about three weeks ago William and I went to the zoo on a whim. We live in Baton Rouge, La and it was about 100 degrees with 110 percent humidity. Needless to say there were very few people there. However, we did run into two other moms’ with their children. One mom had a little girl and a little boy and the other mom had a little boy and a baby boy. My first instinct was to see if the children looked like their mothers. I concluded that the little girl resembled her mother and the little boy looked a lot like her. The other little boy didn’t really resemble his mother, but the baby looked just like her; so I concluded that the little boy must look like his father. I was wrong….sort of. Let me explain. We went over to the little boy’s house for a play date and the mom explained to me that both of her boys were adopted. I was somewhat shocked and comforted all at the same time. I was excited that I thought her baby looked like her, maybe someone thought I looked like my mom or dad when I was a baby. However, it still doesn’t quench the desire to know what my bio parents look like. Isn’t amazing what biological children take for granite? LOL

Of course I have picked up all of my mother’s mannerisms; and some of my dad’s too, good and bad. People always say we talk/sound alike. Once when I was in high school my mother was showing a picture of me from the paper when I was the homecoming queen, and a fellow teacher said I was pretty so that must mean I was adopted. Bad joke, huh? My mom laughed and said yes, actually I was. You could only imagine his surprise and embarrassment.

Nature vs. Nurture what a wonderful debate……maybe it will be my next post.